To continue only working 4 days a week

[Dylaninthemovies1]

When DS was born, both DH and I changed working days to 4 days a week. Initially I worked 40 hours over 4 days, but reduced it to 30 hours over 4 days as I have MH issues and the long hours were tipping me over the edge into another episode. (Workplace were completely understanding and let me change hours with immediate effect). I know some of you on here thing “everyone seems to have MH issues these days”, but let me tell you, the episode I had a few years ago was worse than any physical pain I’ve ever had.

DS has just started school, and DH has changed his hours to full time, term time only. However he has said that he would prefer I stayed 4 days a week for two reasons: in case covid results in another lockdown and DS needs to be homeschooled, and in case working longer hours impacts my MH. He does joke that we could stop having a cleaner and I could clean the house on my day off, but that is very much a joke as I’m shit at cleaning. As a compromise I’ve agreed to keep ton4 days a week until the covid issues have calmed down.

The thing is, I feel a bit lazy not going back FT. On one hand it would mean I could batch cook, study for professional exams, go swimming, get some things done in the house, occasionally meet a friend for coffee / lunch on my day off, and pick DS up from school and do something with him after school. And, I think my MH will be better for it. Financially we are not rich at all, but we don’t struggle on a day to day basis, and have no debt. Holidays are to DHs parents holiday home where we have a great time a few times a year.

But, if I go back to work full time, we will have money to go holidays abroad to interesting countries, be able to afford the house refurb quicker, and be able to save for a flat for DS to move into when he’s older, or even private school at secondary level if It’s the best option for him. Well just have more options with more money.

Aibu to continue to work only 4 days a week?

Is one day a week really going to pay for private school?

If your one day a week is net £12K pa then your additional day of working will all be taxed at a higher rate, and your salary (one of two for the household) must be high enough that I’m surprised that you already can’t afford to go on holiday except to a family freebie property.

Personally, I work 5 days now so that I can afford for retire years earlier, rather than for extras now. If my retirement were secure, I’d pick time - 4 days - over money.

Of course yanbu to stay part time. It's entirely yours and dhs choice.

I've stayed p/t, 3 days per week. This was partly because work wouldn't give me any additional hours at the time. But it's given me time to attend events at school, get housework done and so on.

I also had some m/h problems and work exacerbated these.

Of course it's nice to have more money but money isn't everything.

Interesting one, as DH and I normally work 4 days per week, though it's still a couple of years until youngest DS is in school.

We have been working 5 days through lockdown (keeping the same total hours, working shorter days to split childcare) and I've been surprised not to miss my day off.

We are sticking with this pattern for a while, even though the kids are back at school/nursery now.

I know that if I wanted to increase my hours, I could do some overtime and see how it goes. Is that an option for you?

I would keep it at 4 days a week. If there's one thing I've learnt, those expensive things you work so hard for often aren't worth the grind. You're comfortable, have holidays and not stretched. Do the meeting friends, exercise, study thing on your day off

Would working one extra day a week be enough money to buy a flat or fund private schooling?

I work four days a week, originally it was so my son only had to go to nursery four days a week, he started reception last September and I decided to stay at four days. Originally I thought my Fridays would be great to get stuff done, do the food shop, sort the flat etc. But instead I use Friday as my day to be me rather than just being Dad.

I did think about going back to five days once my son was settled in school, but if I regretted it they may say no to be dropping the 5th day again, I would like to have another child in the future so I would need to be part time again anyway. I’m lucky that financially we can still live comfortably and my pension will still be enough in the future.

I hope to stay at 4 days when my DC go to school; with school holidays it’ll mean I’m able to be there for for more of it and do a pick up from school. My DD is currently in nursery 9-3 and that flies past - once I’ve done the food shop, some life admin and tidied up the house or done some kind of job that’s the day gone

I work 4 days a week and my DD is 6yo and starting Year 2 this year. I’m a teacher and I spend a large part of my day off getting ahead on planning and paperwork which means I don’t have to do it on evenings and weekends, also the things you mentioned- exercise, cooking and cleaning as well as chilling a bit too. I love being able to walk my DD to school and collect her, see her teacher etc whereas the other days I drop her at wraparound at 7.30am. My Head Teacher does always ask each year if I’d like to go back full time but she does say, I don’t blame you, as long as you can still afford it, keep doing it.

I work three days. I could probably do 4 but 5 - no way. Admire people who do but I need a day off for my sanity.

@Ellisandra. We can afford to go on holiday if that was our priority and we budgeted accordingly, but the extra money would mean that we could go further afield such as Australia, South Africa, America’s, Asia. We’ve stuck to holidaying near home the last few years because I hate the idea of dragging a toddler abroad, and of course, because it’s free, because we’ve put thousands into refurbishing our home and because we really enjoy going there.

I should point out that with the extra day we wouldn’t be able to do ALL of the things I listed, but we would be able to choose which we did want to do, and budget accordingly.

We live in a very cheap part of the Uk, getting a one bed flat would be between 40 and 50k. So, possible to save for.

But the private school, then you have reminded me of the extra tax which I hadn’t taken into account!! Again, if I worked another day per week, and DS was at high school, so not needing to fork out for wraparound care, then we could budget and afford private school.

If financially able I would defo stay Working 4 days a week and use the 5th day to catch up on home stuff that is annoying to do at weekend and enjoy myself!!

I have a 7 year old and work 4 days a week. Having that day off to myself is priceless to be honest.

Go for it, I have a 6 year old and a 4 year old who will start school in September, I dropped down to 3 days a week when my eldest started school, I have no intention to work the extra 2 days, I'm looking forward to taking some time for myself, I wiuld like a career change in the next few years so will begin studying for this maybe next year. You can't put a price on your mental health op, enjoy

I have just gone UP to 4 days a week- and my kids are late secondary

Time off is the ultimate luxury if you can afford it.

I've always had Fridays off and spoke to DH that I'd like to continue when youngest at school. It's only 6 hours and being able to do weekly shop, tidy up and batch cook (and relax) etc will make such a difference to the whole family at the weekends, and school holidays come around horribly frequently. I am working for a council so do have a good pension though.

I work 3 days. I was full time but with 4 kids, housework, homework, kids clubs etc as well as working 5 days a week, I was exhausted mentally and physically. I was lucky my boss was so understanding and agreed to let me drop to 3 days.

Yes it's less money but my mental health and time with my children is more important to me.

Rather than looking just at whether the extra day can buy you better holidays and more meals out, try to look objectively at your long term career prospects and pension.

If you really don’t think you can work full time then you’ll have to remain p/t - everyone’s health is important. But it’s worth trying to plan ahead too.

Personally I dropped to 3 days when my kids were pre- school and then went back full time when the youngest was 4. Best decision I ever made. It’s meant I’ll be able to take early retirement, or drop part time when In my late 50s and it also meant I was able to get promotions which have made my working life way more interesting. (Ironically, 4 days a week would have been worse than 3 days in career terms because not many employers are keen to do a 4 /1 job share split but 3/2 is more manageable.

Tbh I barely thought about my pension when making the decision back in my 30s when my dc turned 4. I just had a very good full time opportunity and took it, but honestly when you reach 50 your work pension assumes huge importance- particularly with the state pension age rising ever upwards

I think I also knew that if I got used to having ‘me’ days at home with all three of our kids in school, and dh at work, it would be a really hard indulgence to give up! When the kids are smaller, it’s not a day off being at home because you’re caring for them, but once they’re in school for the large part of the day, then obviously it’s a lot different. I would probably have ended up feeling I ought to be cleaning/ shopping and doing household stuff anyway because it would hardly be reasonably to expect dh to share that over the weekend if I was having time off in the week, and I figured I’d rather work and pay to outsource that sort of stuff!

It’s a tricky decision because in the short term I’m sure 4 days seems more appealing, but you could find it restricts career opportunities and it will certainly impact on your pension so it’s worth thinking long term too

4 days a week is perfect. Provided you can pay the bills, mental health is more important than extra money.

I work 4 days a week term time only and I love my Fridays off, even though they don't really feel like 'days off' atm as I have a very active 2 year old DS as well as primary aged DD!

I don't intend to increase my hours to FT when the youngest starts school for a few reasons. It's important to me to be able to do the school that one day a week as the rest of the time I'm out the door by 7am. It also means I can host after-school playdates regularly, which I just wouldn't be able to facilitate if I worked 5 days a week. I like being able to pick up from school on a Friday and take the kids straight to the park, the library or a café if we feel like it.
Also, perhaps selfishly, I am really looking forward to having those 6 hours a week to myself when the youngest starts school. I'll be able to batch cook, do laundry, keep on top of housework and general life admin, do the food shop etc so that weekends can just be family time. DH works long hours in the week so we currently feel quite pressured to get lots done on weekends.

@SimonJT. I’m in Scotland, in a cheap area, so private school isn’t as expensive as it would be elsewhere:13k at secondary level which although we would have to tighten our belts, would be affordable.

But good point about having the day off to be “yourself” and also about employers not letting you go back to 4 days if you go up to 5 days. Does your husband/wife also work 4days?

your 1 day extra seems to be able to make an exhautionate if things affordable. How much money extra are you talking actually (after tax).

I am a great believer in work/life balance and would stick to 30h esp considering your MH issues. Some things are priceless.

DD will start Y9 and I just moved from 3 to 4 days 18 months ago and still I am not 100% convinced that it is right for me. No way I would go to 5 days despite several hints from my team as we just have a staff crisis.

My MH won't survive it.

DH does 5 days but as he works always from home he started and finished early and would do after school clubs a couple of times a week and would cover doctors/dentists appointments while I normally have a 1 hour plus commute.

Talk me through how working four days is "lazy".

Why have you set the bar for "laziness" there? Why not call your husband lazy for only working five days instead of doing a sixth day of overtime? Why is he not lazy for only making the term time increase? Talk about a slacker.

I mean, really, how can anyone consider themselves hard-working if they clock off after their standard contractual hours rather than going the extra mile and really showing their dedication?

Part of sustaining long term recovery from mental illness is about self-compassion. If you're calling yourself lazy for working the hours that are right for your health, your family, and for keeping the balance of a good quality of life (your equations re increased hours leave out the cost of increased pressure, stress, exhaustion, reduced decompression time, and possible ill-health), then maybe being more compassionate towards yourself would be the place to start rather than increasing your working hours.

Also, there's no prize at the end of your life for having worked as an employee for the arbitrary number of hours per week our present day society calls "full time".

@Caelano I’ll be honest and say I’m not massively career orientated: I have no real desire to move upwards: but I do want to be good at my job, and develop within my existing role. It’s the type of job you can really develop within!

Hadn’t thought too much about pension. I started working at 18 and have had pension building up since then. Mortgage would be paid off when I’m about 50, and DH has a decent pension so not too worried about that right now.

If working 30 hours over 4 days is what keeps you healthy and stable - and therefore actually able to live your life - you have no reason to feel shame for it.