To continue only working 4 days a week

[Dylaninthemovies1]

When DS was born, both DH and I changed working days to 4 days a week. Initially I worked 40 hours over 4 days, but reduced it to 30 hours over 4 days as I have MH issues and the long hours were tipping me over the edge into another episode. (Workplace were completely understanding and let me change hours with immediate effect). I know some of you on here thing “everyone seems to have MH issues these days”, but let me tell you, the episode I had a few years ago was worse than any physical pain I’ve ever had.

DS has just started school, and DH has changed his hours to full time, term time only. However he has said that he would prefer I stayed 4 days a week for two reasons: in case covid results in another lockdown and DS needs to be homeschooled, and in case working longer hours impacts my MH. He does joke that we could stop having a cleaner and I could clean the house on my day off, but that is very much a joke as I’m shit at cleaning. As a compromise I’ve agreed to keep ton4 days a week until the covid issues have calmed down.

The thing is, I feel a bit lazy not going back FT. On one hand it would mean I could batch cook, study for professional exams, go swimming, get some things done in the house, occasionally meet a friend for coffee / lunch on my day off, and pick DS up from school and do something with him after school. And, I think my MH will be better for it. Financially we are not rich at all, but we don’t struggle on a day to day basis, and have no debt. Holidays are to DHs parents holiday home where we have a great time a few times a year.

But, if I go back to work full time, we will have money to go holidays abroad to interesting countries, be able to afford the house refurb quicker, and be able to save for a flat for DS to move into when he’s older, or even private school at secondary level if It’s the best option for him. Well just have more options with more money.

Aibu to continue to work only 4 days a week?

@RJnomore1. They could. But to get a decent increase based on them I would need to contract rather than be a permanent employee as I am just now. Permanent suits me right now as I live near the office, so a tiny commute, and my boss is flexible wrt working hours, and employer has been understanding of my MH issues.

Ah ok, still a good thing to have under your belt though for options later on.

OP please don’t feel lazy. I work a 9 day fortnight which is great but I would love a day off every week. I hate working 5 day weeks, I find it exhausting and dull and utterly overwhelming (no mental health issues, I just don’t believe so much of life should be spent working).
On my days off I lie in, I potter, I catch up on reading and TV, I see friends, I do stuff round the house, I paint my nails, book in appointments. It’s my saving grace. If I could financially manage it I’d happily do 3 or even just 2 days a week. Enjoy it OP.

I work 3 days a week and DH works four (he does full time hours, I do slightly more hours than 'normal' for three days where I work). We have three children. There are only two days a week when we both are at work.

We have both agreed that we'll probably stay on this pattern for ever! It will be a long time til all our kids are done with school as two of them are pre-schoolers and by the time my youngest is at night school I'll be in my 50s and might want to do other things rather than just work all the time.

I don't think it's lazy, I think more people should reduce working hours if possible, yes obviously you earn less so this is a factor and not all employers are supportive, but I'm all for enjoying your life while you can and keeping things stress free.

Do what suits you, it's your life. You only get the one - don't spend it all at work if you can afford not to. My friends stepdaughter died last week aged 32 - life can be very short.

Another vote for staying on 4 days. Sound lovely.

As for the buying your son a flat, you could probably set him up with a 8 - 10 property portfolio for £50k in somewhere like Greenock.

OP, who is telling you (actually or in your head) that you would be lazy to stay at 4 days? It doesn't sound like it's your DH. Parents, maybe? Siblings?

Because you know you don't have to justify this decision to anyone. You can afford it, you know it will be better for your mental health, and probably for family life. You don't have to try to maximise your earnings to get a life that someone else thinks you should have.

My youngest is 8 and I've stuck with "part time" 35 hours across 4 days.

During term time I can do life admin/mundane stuff on my day off making the weekend just about family. During school holidays it's one less day to scramble for childcare.

I'm keeping my 4 day week for as long as possible. It's better for my mental wellbeing aside from being more practical.

Some things are worth more than money if you have the luxury of choice.

Not BU at all
The extra money won’t be that much and will get swallowed up , trust me !
I’m now on a 4 day a week salary due to Covid and am very tempted to stay on it
IF my
Salary ever goes up

Your health is your wealth , corny but true

@Butchyrestingface hahaha! I’m not in that cheap an area. Up in Dundee which is cheap enough

@bridgetreilly the person giving me the hard time is me. Growing up family made out I was lazy (thinking back, I really wasn’t) and colleagues kinda judge because I’m not there all days; but those are the ones without small kids (or men who’s kids have grown up and their wife did all the wife work and child Care)

DH has changed his hours to full time, term time only. However he has said that he would prefer I stayed 4 days a week for two reasons: in case covid results in another lockdown and DS needs to be home schooled, and in case working longer hours impacts my MH

So basically HE gets to chop and change circumstances to suit himself only....and tries to manipulate YOU into being the one who carries the most day to day responsibility and mental load, and the only one who's financial independence and future earning potentials are capped.... and that's meant to be good for your mental health?!!
He's happy with basic/budget holidays at his parents house and not broadening his horizons - and he hasn't given one shiny shit about your child's future or wellbeing in all this.

He's a manipulative cheeky fucker.
He chose to go part time when your child was born.....so why not go 'halves' on the extra responsibility he's shoving on to you? Has he decided it's not as 'fun' or 'personally fulfilling' as he thought to be a more 'at home/hands on' parent?

YOU have a right to safeguard your personal financial independence.
YOU have a right to do what helps you feel more fulfilled as a person in your own right - you are NOT just a 'wife' and 'mother'....and neither is it your sole responsibility to carry the 'consequences' of being a parent.

Growing up family made out I was lazy (thinking back, I really wasn’t) and colleagues kinda judge because I’m not there all days

Yup, those are the voices that don’t get to run your life now.

@monkeymonkey2010, With greatest respect, I see where you are coming from, but you are really wrong as to your assumptions about my husband. He has changed his hours to term time so he will be off all holidays with our son. I also earn twice what my husband does, so I’m not too concerned about financial security if we ever do split up. He has already agreed to go back full time to work and change to term time months ago: pre covid; so he didn’t do this to wriggle out of childcare; he is very much an equal hands on parent.

My children are adults and I still work 4 days/week

Up until they were in high school I worked 2.5 days/week !

Since I do most of the household shitwork planning (if not the actual execution) and we have a holiday place to escape to at weekends, having time off in the week enables all that

Quality time is so useful if you can manage it

I didn't even read the post, because I strongly feel you should do what's right for you irrespective.

Just to give the other side. We decided dh would drop to 3 days a weeks when we had children.
One Is in school now( one at home) but to have 2 days a week where there is no rushing in the morning, all the jobs are done and have a dinner made when I get home is worth every penny less wages.
So I think your family will benefit.

@bridgetreilly thanks for that.

Your mental health trumps your child going to private school. How on earth can you call yourself lazy when you do everything you listed? Don't be so hard on yourself, especially if DH is in agreement x

DH and I both work 4 days a week so we each have our DC one day a week. We plan to stick to 4 days when they go to school. There are obviously some sacrifices - early retirement etc but for us having that extra day a week is totally worth it.

OP I work 2 days a week and have done since I had my oldest who is 9 now. My youngest is 7 now so she’s been to school for 3 years and I still haven’t upped my hours.

My partner (kids dad, together 12 years) works 5-6 days a week and it doesn’t bother him at all. We go abroad every year and have plenty of luxuries.

I do get some jibs from work mates etc and I always reply sarcastically back. Honestly I don’t care what anyone thinks. I’m happy and I’m currently studying one evening a week