To continue only working 4 days a week

[Dylaninthemovies1]

When DS was born, both DH and I changed working days to 4 days a week. Initially I worked 40 hours over 4 days, but reduced it to 30 hours over 4 days as I have MH issues and the long hours were tipping me over the edge into another episode. (Workplace were completely understanding and let me change hours with immediate effect). I know some of you on here thing “everyone seems to have MH issues these days”, but let me tell you, the episode I had a few years ago was worse than any physical pain I’ve ever had.

DS has just started school, and DH has changed his hours to full time, term time only. However he has said that he would prefer I stayed 4 days a week for two reasons: in case covid results in another lockdown and DS needs to be homeschooled, and in case working longer hours impacts my MH. He does joke that we could stop having a cleaner and I could clean the house on my day off, but that is very much a joke as I’m shit at cleaning. As a compromise I’ve agreed to keep ton4 days a week until the covid issues have calmed down.

The thing is, I feel a bit lazy not going back FT. On one hand it would mean I could batch cook, study for professional exams, go swimming, get some things done in the house, occasionally meet a friend for coffee / lunch on my day off, and pick DS up from school and do something with him after school. And, I think my MH will be better for it. Financially we are not rich at all, but we don’t struggle on a day to day basis, and have no debt. Holidays are to DHs parents holiday home where we have a great time a few times a year.

But, if I go back to work full time, we will have money to go holidays abroad to interesting countries, be able to afford the house refurb quicker, and be able to save for a flat for DS to move into when he’s older, or even private school at secondary level if It’s the best option for him. Well just have more options with more money.

Aibu to continue to work only 4 days a week?

You gave a list of what you would do on the day at home.
How real is this? Dreams of a Homes & Garden home? Or can you be structured and achieve some of those things?
If you can do some of those then go for it, even if it costs you lack of EXTRA money. You haven't had it so you won't miss it.

Life is short and you can’t take money with you. If basically financially secure I’d always choose time over money.

I work 30 hours per week and fully intend to work part time for the rest of my life. My son is still small but even when he goes to school I don't see myself returning to work full time. My work life balance is so much better now and I find that I have time to do everything that needs doing without being rushed off my feet and feeling exhausted all the time. Having 10 extra hours per week for yourself if definitely worth it. I wish I had worked part time even beofre having children because I feel like I enjoy life so much more now, rather than just working, cooking and cleaning I have time to do some of the things that I enjoy doing during the week.

Also, as a teacher, I’d say meeting parents once a week after school is a huge plus. It really helps to build rapport. Obviously not everyone can do that and we try to communicate in other ways. But nothing beats face to face conversation.

I do 28 hours over 4 days, two short days to do school pick up. I really like it, and I wouldn't willingly change it!

You could make one of your days short, and do the rest on Friday so you can do more school runs. It's so much more chilled out getting home at 3.30pm than 5.30pm when it's all a rush doing tea, bath, bed etc.

I mostly work 9-1, with an occasional bit of Freelance work on top. My employer really wants me FT but I applied for those hours when I applied for the job and I really dont want to do any more. We would be in theory £700-800 pm better off after tax but my Freelance work brings in more than that (although its very adhoc) and I value my free time too much. My youngest starts Secondary soon and I want to be here when he arrives home and hear about his day and support him with homework etc.
I know I am lucky to be able to make that choice but unless I really need the money I will not be going FT

Both my dcs are now at university. I still only work 4 days a week And don't feel remotely guilty about it!

@minimike I think I would do those things: I’ve been doing them while working 30 hours per week and looking after DS on a Friday (admittedly at random times in the week), managed to study for and pass a professional exam during lockdown while working 30 hours a week and juggling looking after DS (shared with DH of course!)
But, I’m sure there will be some weeks where I sit on my arse and “read the internet”

My DC are all school age now and I work 3 days a week. I find it a really good work life balance - I get to pick them up from school twice a week, rather than them going to after school care every day, and it makes DH's life easier too as I take on more of the childcare / admin / cooking / housework etc than if we were both working full time. So personally I'd stick to four days. It's entirely up to you though and your financial reasons are valid too.

I work 18 hours so 2 days which aren’t set days/nights and I could maybe go up when kids are older but in reality I’ll probably go and work full time in Tesco or something as I’m not happy where I am, I wouldn’t need to worry about childcare I can’t work more now as childcare doesn’t exist on hours I do and a single parent. Youngest has SEN, so stuck can’t see myself working more than this and it more than pays the bills just doesn’t leave me much afterwards.

I still work 4 days a week and DS is about to go into S3.
I like the balance it gives me between home and work and I really value that day to myself to potter around and do some cleaning, run errands , meet friends, walk the dog DH insisted on getting.

I'm now 50 and can see me keeping going like this until I retire.

@Dylaninthemovies1 agree if you’re not particularly interested in career progression then remaining p/t isn’t such an issue

Re: the point about pensions - obviously an advantage if you live in a cheap area already but remember, while your dh having a good pension is great, if he predeceases you, you will only get the spousal pension not the full amount. I know it’s difficult to even think about these things when you’re young and active, but it’s a point many women overlook -I’ve known so many women with poor or non existent work pensions say Oh it’s ok, my dh has a good one, and they don’t realise that (if they’re lucky) they may qualify for half the rate. It’s so important that women make their own pension provision and a decent occupational one is worth it’s weight in gold.

Good Luck with your decision anyway.

I work 3 days a week - my youngest is about to start school so we discussed it and I'm staying part time. During term time I can work more days but just school hours so I can do drop offs and pick ups.

However, if working full time meant I could afford private school for them, I totally would, but it doesn't come close (secondary fees start at around £18k per year here), so I won't!

None of those things are worth risking your mental health or compromising your family life for. It’s not lazy, it’s very, very sensible and you have the support of your DH to do it. I think you would be crazy to consider going back to full time hours, tbh.

Could you compromise and stop using a cleaner, surely your DH could do the bulk of it during school holidays and you could share it during term time?

The savings could go towards your holidays or dc future etc

DS is 8 and I only do 4 days. DP makes sly digs sometimes but we're OK for money and I love having 1 day a week where I can do drop off and pick up and where ds can have pals round after school if he likes.

Lots of my friends stay home full time with school aged kids so I tell him to boil his head when he mentions it.

DP could drop to 4 days if he spent less of 'his share' of free spends like i do.

Feeling lazy if you don't do it is an absolutely terrible reason to choose a working pattern. You make the decision based on what suits you best.

I’ve been 4 days a week since DS1 was born he’s 8 and youngest starts school next year I’ve no intention of going back to full time.
Yes I’d like the extra money but It’s another day to cover in school holidays, I can use it for the crap house jobs that take up the weekends and do something like swim or aN the exercise class

I’m fact I never want to work FT again if I can help it and as I already earn more 4 days than dh does 5 I feel no guilt

@BonfireStarter. The cleaner really isn’t that expensive. They get more done in 2 hours than I would in a day: so it would be a bit of a false economy

Working one extra day a week could fund private school?!

@MeredithJim. Along with some other budgeting. Bearing in mind we are in a cheap part of the UK. And we would no longer be paying wraparound care for our son by the time he’s at Secondary

[quote Dylaninthemovies1]@SimonJT. I’m in Scotland, in a cheap area, so private school isn’t as expensive as it would be elsewhere:13k at secondary level which although we would have to tighten our belts, would be affordable.

But good point about having the day off to be “yourself” and also about employers not letting you go back to 4 days if you go up to 5 days. Does your husband/wife also work 4days?[/quote]
Is £13k cheap?!

I’m a lone parent, my boyfriend has recently moved in, but no combined finances so I just rely on my wage. Be does however work four days with one study day, well, he will when hes back at work.

@SimonJT I think so for a year’s education at private school: it’s just over £1k a month. Mind you, it might not be necessary for him. It’s just wanting to keep options open in case that’s what is best for him. Mind you, DH went to the local private school and hated it

@SimonJT: just realised that was a really nosey was question! So sorry about that! I see your name so often on mumsnet that I forgot that I don’t actually know you!

@Dylaninthemovies1 would the professional exams give you the opportunity to increase your income in the future? It could be worth staying as is right now with everything a bit uncertain, having some time to focus on them too and reassessing in 6-12 months once hopefully the school situation has more stable.