To ask, what's the best thing you ever decided to do for yourself?

[Bakerstreet2991]

My world has become very small. I also feel like I'm becoming more stupid and less articulate the older/more experienced I become! I used to be academically bright and did very well at school and university, had a promising career in the city six years ago... Now I find myself festering away in a mid-level admin job (my career has regressed but has other benefits, a separate thread entirely).

I don't feel as well-read as I used to and I have no discernible talents. I took up an instrument for a while and made very good progress but excessively long working hours put a stop to lessons. I am now trying to teach myself a language and making slow progress but with no end objective in mind. I just want to make something more of my life. To become fluent in language or music, to climb mountains.....god, just to have an interesting story to tell at a party, even!

AIBU to ask if you're in a similar position, what's the best decision you ever made for yourself? How did you broaden your horizons or what is the thing you are most proud to have accomplished?

Lots of folk get into riding later in life - there are people out there doing all kinds of fun stuff with horses after a later start. Get a good RS as a start point, and a sympathetic instructor - and enjoy! I didn't start later in life, but I have lots of friends who did.

I do horse archery and I'm learning Anglo Saxon for kicks. I quite fancy taking up axe throwing, or welding, next. The latter would probable be more useful around the farm!

CBT therapy

Took up church bellringing. It was something I'd always fancied having a go at, and I've turned out to be not too bad at it. Controlling half a ton of bronze is quite challenging.

@Alittleodd - I haven't read the Annie Grace book but I've seen it recommended. I did just read the amazing 'The Outrun' by Amy Liptrot. It's about her being a full-blown alcoholic living chaotically in London, going to AA and then going back to her childhood home on the remote Orkney Islands to recover, immersing herself in the natural world, wild swimming etc. The writing about both the alcoholism and nature and island life is fantastic. She did a webchat on MN too.

Practice mindfulness.
Just 10 minutes a day.
I feel like I know myself better and I see what's really important in life-and to me.

Realised my kids weren’t ‘my world’ and that one day they’d be gone so started creating a life for myself.
Went back to studies, got a good job, built a good social life and got some new hobbies. It’s given me a new lease of life to feel like a person and not just a mum

Driving Test
Divorce
Bariatric Surgery
Holidaying Alone

Oh and project managing a self build for myself

I've always enjoyed going to wine tastings and learning about what I was drinking so I took some formal wine qualifications. It's been great and the online social tastings during lockdown have been brilliant.
Wine has a reputation for being snobby but there are so many people who are lovely and genuinely enjoy sharing knowledge and discussing wine at all levels of learning.

I actually drink less wine now and open something special once a week rather than piling through less interesting bottles. Special doesn't always mean bank breaking, the last bottle I opened was £28 and absolutely outstanding (Cartology 2016 if anyone is interested).

Chilled out and realised that none of this is important. Having my baby put a lot of real life into perspective.

1. Gave up alcohol. I wasn’t dependent on it but I feel so much better, look easily 10 years younger since it giving up, anxiety disappeared and have lost a stone!

1. Started my own business. It’s been bloody hard work but so, so worth it. Luckily I chose an industry still very much in demand throughout lockdown so it’s worth choosing very very carefully if you decide to do this.

I did a MA with the OU and am starting to run (v v v slowly).

i retrained at the age of 40 thinking it would help. Now 8 years later I am 4 years into my new career and hating it. So I need to re-think. Maybe segue into something else where i can use my degree and training but somehow not be so stressed.

I want to gve up drinking but only manage a few months every year.

@BlueSwathesChoose

Check out the easy way to control alcohol by Alan Carr, totally changed the way I view alcohol, it disgusts me now.

Put myself out of my comfort zone. Retrained in something completely different, then left and moved abroad leaving friends and family an open invite to visit (only two did).

Learnt a new culture, language and new cuisine cooking skills! Became an interesting person.

Returned to UK after 4 years with renewed vim and vigour, undertook further training for professional qualification. Looking to move abroad again somewhere else new in the next couple of years again 😁

You sound stuck in a rut, pick one thing to change to start with and the rest will fall in thereafter.

Thanks Russel. :)

I never had a hobby and would be embarrassed anytime I was asked hobbies/interests. During maternity leave 2 years ago I needed to do something just for me, to use my brain and to have a reason to meet/chat to people that wasn’t baby related.
I learnt to sew, initially going to a small local group (with the loveliest group of older women)
Going back to work and then covid has made going out to learn difficult so now I teach myself new skills using YouTube and Facebook groups for help.
It’s made a huge difference to my life in a few ways. I’ve really learnt a lot and it’s so validating to see the progress I’ve made and the skills that I once couldn’t do that are now easy to me.
The other thing is that I’ve learnt so much about how clothes should fit and why I have always struggled to shop/buy items from the high street because they are just not designed to fit my proportions. It’s helped me see that even if I lost a ton of weight I would probably have the same issues as I can’t change my proportions.
Having clothes that fit and the knowledge that I made them myself gives me such a boost!

Got divorced
Turned my hobby into a career (this included taking a second degree in my forties whilst working full time)
Travelled extensively, including alone
Quit alcohol
Losing weight now - just a few pounds off a normal BMI now
To be honest OP ,we will all have different experiences and things that have improved our lives. I would say start by being horribly honest with yourself.

Are you happy with your relationship?
where you live?
How you live?

Private therapy. I can only afford once a month but she’s brilliant.

I have a long way to go but I feel like she’s given me more of a solid base on which to build more change

Learn to drive - I feel sad for the number of posters who are trapped because they can't drive. Although, I realise that finance is an issue here as well.

Take some professional qualifications at 40, which earned me a promotion.

Bought myself a nice DLSR camera.
I have a Flickr subscription where I load up all my pics and everything is tagged to within an inch of its life. This is important because:
This has led to several photos being used on websites, a sculptor commissioning me to photograph her work and a picture being used in a massive DK 'coffee table' book about plants.
I haven't made money, it's the kudos and recognition I like.
The camera gives me confidence to go all over the places and be nosy and inquisitive and look at things with a new eye.
Woman on her own wandering about? Nope, purposeful photographer at work!

Where are you op?

Lots of things, living abroad, learning a language, doing an OU degree - but the last fifteen years have been so hard that I am back in a deep rut, (and older with it). So... I will take some inspiration from this thread, (and another one I read last week about habits), and take a few days for myself.

I have done everything in the last fifteen years for difficult family - I have forgotten who I am. I now need to find this out.

After my abusive ex boyfriend dumped me (and I had embarrassed myself by begging him to take me back several times) - I watched that Julia Roberts eat pray love film and I booked a Round trip to Europe (initially alone but my best friend flew out after 5 days and we did it together). It was amazing, we travelled all across Europe, staying in hostels, eating authentic food, drinking cheap wine and smoking pink cigarettes. We danced on the beach, went skinny dipping, visited landmarks and museums, laughed until we cried and cried until we laughed. We were even extras in Jersey Shore - Florence addition!

Bought a paddleboard!

Honestly it’s pulled me out of some really shit mental health times.