To ask, what's the best thing you ever decided to do for yourself?

[Bakerstreet2991]

My world has become very small. I also feel like I'm becoming more stupid and less articulate the older/more experienced I become! I used to be academically bright and did very well at school and university, had a promising career in the city six years ago... Now I find myself festering away in a mid-level admin job (my career has regressed but has other benefits, a separate thread entirely).

I don't feel as well-read as I used to and I have no discernible talents. I took up an instrument for a while and made very good progress but excessively long working hours put a stop to lessons. I am now trying to teach myself a language and making slow progress but with no end objective in mind. I just want to make something more of my life. To become fluent in language or music, to climb mountains.....god, just to have an interesting story to tell at a party, even!

AIBU to ask if you're in a similar position, what's the best decision you ever made for yourself? How did you broaden your horizons or what is the thing you are most proud to have accomplished?

Took up running. I was so embarrassed at first I would only run at night. Now I run half marathons easily, have just started to prepare my approach for my first marathon, and have the eventual long term goal of running an ultra.
It gives me head space, does wonders for my "pear shape" and has resulted in many friendships I wouldn't have had otherwise.

I signed up for an OU degree (now 2/3 of the way through) and took up running - stared with C25k, then 10k and aiming to do a half marathon next year. I also set myself a reading goal each year - one that stretches me slightly and forces me to get off the computer (where I can waste hours on things like MN), sit down and read a book instead on a regular basis.

As for you, becoming fluent in another language is very hard as an adult and, I would say, pretty impossible unless you either live in that country or have some way of completely immersing yourself in that language at home. Either way, unless you have a goal in mind it's very hard indeed to find the necessary motivation. What made you pick that language? To what end do you want to learn to speak it fluently?

Given what you've said about wishing to read more, use your brain more, etc, but coupled with your long working hours I would suggest:

1. Signing up to Goodreads and setting yourself a reading goal for the year. This should be realistic and achievable, but stretch you a bit. So if you currently manage to read say 15 books a year, I would set yourself a target of reading 25 or 30. If you normally commute, this can be good reading time, if not, get ready for bed earlier so you have time to read.

2. Consider online learning. The OU has lots of courses, not just degree courses, and you can do taster sessions via their OpenLearn site www.open.edu/openlearn/

3. Take up an exercise - doesn't matter what - but it should be something that you can easily slot into your life year-round. For me, that was running. You need minimal kit for running and can do it pretty much anywhere and while initially I thought the weather would hold me back it's amazing how pleasant it is to run in summer rain! Hot days you have to get up and go early, but this does get your exercise out of the way without it interfering with your day.

I'm in a bit of a rut myself op.

My youngest dc is about to start childcare, so I am going to do some things "for me", (such a cliche, but you know). I'm about to start a new degree through OU. I have one degree but it hasn't actually served me well in terms of finding a job, which is a bit irksome. I'm also going to do some exercise and I'm taking a big break from alcohol. I might aim for 6 months off. A friend has just been diagnosed with cancer and it has really made me think about my diet and alcohol / lack of exercise.

So, to be brief, I don't know yet, but if any of these things make my life better, I will report back post haste!

I returned to riding after almost 30 years out of the saddle, and then bought a horse. I have taken him right back to the beginning with ground work and honestly it's the most absorbing and interesting process which is infinitely slow and sometimes difficult and frustrating , but also very rewarding. It's great to see his personality emerge (sometimes it emerges a bit too much ) and to develop a bond of trust with an animal.

Without a doubt taking up running (in 2005ish). I've dipped in and out but it's been the best way to deal with stress, manage my weight, make friends, do social stuff and have time to myself.

Also during lockdown I have started to fulfill a sort of pipe dream I've had for years to be a fitness instructor. I have one assessment left. I've made lovely new friends with my cohort and with local instructors and am really excited to get going. i'm also not overly confident with giving presentations etc at work and getting up in front of lots of people will be really good for me. Wish I'd done it years ago.

I started working towards my "dream goal". For me that was writing a novel. This involved attending writing workshops, doing tons of reading on the subject and although I've always been a huge reader this lead to more reading in general and more difficult texts. I immersed myself in all things writing, so even my social media accounts are full of writing related pages so I'm always exposed to it and forced to keep it in mind.

I completed a first draft which gave me the confidence to apply for a creative writing masters. I start in two weeks and I can't wait!

I hope to finish the novel on the course but even if it never happens I'll have tried and expanded my mind in the process.

I got a dog

I joined a facebook reading group and buy some of the recommended books

I listen to radio 4 on the way to and from work

Im in a health rut because I have ignored and indulged myself for too long. Now in my 40s and I have started treating myself better, I'm determined to help myself so I can enjoy life more

Great, inspiring thread

Lived abroad, travelled extensively .

@habibihabibi I split my time between private tutoring (I used to be out three nights a week and have a nanny in to look after my son but now I'm online only so can do fewer sessions and don't need childcare, woop) and examining work.

I started off marking and doing some coursework verification for BTECs but that's developed into some qualification development stuff (which has been really fun) as well as senior examining. I have responsibility for a few exams, and help develop and standards check some others.

The tutoring is better money (without needing to pay for the insane amount childcare we had while I was teaching it means I have more available spending money than my UPS3/TLR1 used to get me!) But the exams stuff is really, really interesting and I love the team I work with so that's where my heart truly lies :)

I should say, I always mention the money when I talk about this to teachers because for the longest time I just assumed that it wasn't possible to earn as much tutoring and so I really believed it wasn't a viable option.

Celibacy and a superking size bed all to myself.

I totally get what you mean, OP. I'm intelligent and academic with an Oxbridge degree but lost my ambition and career mojo after having dc 14 years ago and have been under-challenged mentally ever since. I'm also a terror for starting new self-improvement projects and then letting them peter out.

But I have done some things that were good. I took up running for health reasons after dc were born, having always loathed it as a kid. Amazed myself by eventually getting to half marathon distances. Have had to give up now because of repeated niggly injuries but still so glad I did it for yesrs.
I'm learning a new language too. It's easier for me than most, because I'm a linguist and already speak a couple of foreign languages. But it's still a challenge and I was due to take an A Level this summer until Covid put paid to that for now.

I also taught myself knitting and crochet, which I know isn't exactly a highbrow pursuit but I absolutely love it. It was good to learn a manual skill when most of what I've always enjoyed doing was cerebral.

I think the important thing is to stick at what you attempt, and to choose things that can have lots of little achievements or goals along the way. I know I'm biased,but learning a language is brilliant and it's grest for your brain. If you are floundering a bit, I would recommend doing tons of listening (podcasts etc) and reading the kind of stuff online that you're normally interested in,but in the foreign language.

There's a book called 'how to read and why' by Howard Bloom, which gives a Canon of great literature to study. There's a poetry version I think, and the book includes short story recommendations too.

I started my own business. It was tough to begin with but now I know I’m really bloody good at it.

Stopping drinking.

@squanderedcore

I returned to riding after almost 30 years out of the saddle, and then bought a horse. I have taken him right back to the beginning with ground work and honestly it's the most absorbing and interesting process which is infinitely slow and sometimes difficult and frustrating , but also very rewarding. It's great to see his personality emerge (sometimes it emerges a bit too much ) and to develop a bond of trust with an animal.

I want to do this but my confidence is completely shot.

Gave up alcohol. I was a messy alcoholic but have been sober 2.5 years.
My mental health is amazing now.

Good on you, Prawn and maddie. I've just quit drinking too. I'm not anywhere near being an alcoholic (though I used to be a pretty heavy drinker in my 20s), but was increasingly finding that booze has nothing but negative effects on me these days, physically and mentally, even when I don't drink very much. It sounds silly, but I finally realised that I don't actually have to be a problem drinker for it to be a good thing for me to give it up!

Congrats on that decision @lazylinguist!

I definitely used to be the type of person who used drinking as a substitute for a personality (I have so many novelty glasses! It seems all most people knew about me was that I liked gin), that plus ADHD (and it's associated tendancies towards addiction) were a bad, bad combo. But yesterday was my 18month soberversary and it has made a world of difference.

The folks over at the stopdrinking sub on Reddit are super supportive if anyone is in need of it. And I firmly believe most people interested in exploring their relationship with alcohol could get a lot from reading The Naked Mind by Annie Grace.

And with that I shall shuffle off my soapbox.

I want to do this but my confidence is completely shot.

So was mine AiryFairyArtyFarty I promise you. I'm in my mid fifties and I was/am overweight, generally crumped, unfit, lacking in confidence and I was downright scared at first. I also have creaking knees! And between the time I restarted and now, I've had a hysterectomy and a bit of a long recovery. Honestly, if I can do it, you can too.

Progress is slow but if Covid-19 isn't enough incentive to lose weight and get slim then riding certainly is!

I've definitely had my ups and downs with it and moments where I questioned what I was doing but anything worth doing is not going to be totally plain sailing and the rewards so far totally outweigh the downsides. Just taking my horse and walking him in hand around the field is a delight frankly.

The key I think is finding the right person to support you. Try and find a really good instructor, perhaps at a riding school, but maybe also a producer who teaches dressage beginners on the side, or who does lots of ground work and start again from there. Someone who really knows what they are about. And critically someone who genuinely enjoys teaching. Ask around at liveries, or ask on Facebook (join your local horsey groups).

Riding is great for your physical and mental health.

More info here.

Good luck!

Ran a marathon

I got rid of my ex. He reduced me to someone who didn’t believe she could do anything. Was only good for a shag, cooking and cleaning. Now he’s gone, I’m having a go at DIY/decorating and finding out I am actually a lot more capable than I thought!