Did you have children when you met your OH?

Scruffyoak · 15/08/2020 22:05

I already had 3 kids. Yep we got married and I'm so glad I gave love a chance xx

InDeoEstMeaFiducia · 15/08/2020 22:06

No. That was a dealbreaker for me. I wouldn't date a man who had kids when I was single and childfree and I would not have kids with a man I wasn't married to.

Lardlizard · 15/08/2020 22:08

Same as indeo

However some people will gladly, and even look for a lovely ready made family so don’t let that stop you

Fooshufflewickbannanapants · 15/08/2020 22:10

I had four kids when I met my dh it's perfectly possible (mind you I wasn't looking)

Feralkidsatthecampsite · 15/08/2020 22:11

At 42 I met dh 31.. Nearly 8 years ago.
Been married 5 years and ds is nearly 6...
I had dc op...
Many dc.
They have a great relationship with dh.

olivesnutsandcheese · 15/08/2020 22:11

DH already had a DS. He was almost the reason I gave it a go. We've since had another DS. It's been very hard at times but I don't regret it

JonHammIsMyJamm · 15/08/2020 22:11

No.

Tiredmum100 · 15/08/2020 22:11

My mil had 2 dc when she met her dh. They've been happily married for 20 + years and he's been a good step father to my dh and his brother and a lovely granddad to our dc so it does happen!

Pickleypickles · 15/08/2020 22:13

I met my DP 2 years ago when DD was 2, he moved in just before lockdown and we are very happy, he has no kids but he treats DD wonderfully (I dont like saying like his own because she isnt his) but I couldn't ask for more from him

YesINameChangeEveryDay · 15/08/2020 22:15

No. That was a dealbreaker for me. I wouldn't date a man who had kids when I was single and childfree and I would not have kids with a man I wasn't married to.

This for me too but I know people who have met after having children with someone else and are now very happy.

missyB1 · 15/08/2020 22:16

Yes I had 2 ds, they were 13 and 9 years old. I dated Dh for 3 years until the boys and I moved in with him, and then we married and had a baby together.

They were bumpy times with teenage dramas, but we all got through it. I wouldn’t say he loves them as his own but he has been amazing with them.

RandomUsernameHere · 15/08/2020 22:18

No but I know quite a few people who already had DC when they met their partners. It's really not unusual so you shouldn't feel like you have missed out. In many cases both people have DC from a previous relationship. Families come in all shapes and sizes!

Original poster

Blackrosee · 15/08/2020 22:19

Thank you everyone. I recently split with dh. He was my best friend but not my soulmate. I wonder if I still have chance to meet 'the one' or if this will be complicated due to my DC. I wonder how I will be able to be happy in a relationship if they don't love my DC as their father does.

OP posts:

Manolin · 15/08/2020 22:26

Yes. I already had kids. And no - she does not love them as her own. But that is OK. When they were young, she always reached out for the cleanest beach towel to wrap around her own. We all understand that and we move on. The thing is that it gets easier with time. I told her the beach towel theory. It was a gentle joke, but no longer relevant.

We are all people.

raspberryk · 15/08/2020 22:27

I had 2 children from my marriage to exh when I met my dp, never put him off at all!
I don't believe in the whole true love/soul mate/ the one though.
I don't really understand what @InDeoEstMeaFiducia's point is about not having children with someone you weren't married to and how it's relevant to your question.

Ellapaella · 15/08/2020 22:28

I met my now DH when my ds was 2 and his dd (my step daughter) was 3. They are late teens now and we have two more dc together.
I would say my husbands relationship with my son is similar to an uncle/nephew type relationship. Close but without the emotional angst you can sometimes get between parents and kids especially through teenage years. I feel the same about my step daughter. I love her but it's a pleasantly uncomplicated relationship.
If you find the right person then that's all that matters.

InDeoEstMeaFiducia · 15/08/2020 22:28

@Blackrosee

Thank you everyone. I recently split with dh. He was my best friend but not my soulmate. I wonder if I still have chance to meet 'the one' or if this will be complicated due to my DC. I wonder how I will be able to be happy in a relationship if they don't love my DC as their father does.

You've just split up. Why not focus instead on a love affair to last a lifetime: a good relationship with yourself? There's no such thing as a soulmate, a soul is complete in and of itself. No one's going to love your kids the way their father does, he's their parent

. The last thing your kids need in all this is the pair of you focusing on your love lives. Be adults and work first on co-parenting and making the kids feel secure and cherished.

Manolin · 15/08/2020 22:29

Your soulmate will come to you.

Be patient.

TheCanyon · 15/08/2020 22:31

My sil had 6dc when my brother got with her, he took them all on, paying for anything and everything. Three of the older boys have now grown up and left home and they now have two together. I thought it was utter madness in dbs part at first but I love her and her dc, they are definitely my nieces/nephews.

Dh came into our lives when dd was 8 months, the minute he entered our lives he really stepped up and truly treated her like his own. 11 years later, their bond is much stronger than mine and dds

I have 4 dc, of course it would be off putting to some but I reckon I could easily get a new man if me and dh split.

Cottagepieandpeas · 15/08/2020 22:31

@raspberryk agree, I couldn’t see how that was relevant either.

SweatyBetty20 · 15/08/2020 22:31

I don’t think you need to love them as your own. I don’t have children but have previously been in a long term relationship with a man with kids. I didn’t love them - and I didn’t need to; they were loved very much by both their parents. I liked them a lot, they liked me, and we respected each other - that did for us. And when we split up it wasn’t due to the kids, and we are still in touch as friends.

InDeoEstMeaFiducia · 15/08/2020 22:32

@raspberryk

I had 2 children from my marriage to exh when I met my dp, never put him off at all! I don't believe in the whole true love/soul mate/ the one though. I don't really understand what *@InDeoEstMeaFiducia*'s point is about not having children with someone you weren't married to and how it's relevant to your question.

The OP asked the question:

Did you meet your OH after having your children?

No, because I wouldn't have dated a man with kids when I had none.

Not hard to understand and is a response to the question.

Feralkidsatthecampsite · 15/08/2020 22:39

Please don't look for a man to 'take on' your dc op.
A man who is worthy of being welcomed into your amazing family will find you when you least expect it..
My dh says he feels very special he was welcomed and accepted by my dc - some of whom were adults when we met.
I don't feel 'grateful' he is with us although I obviously appreciate all the relationships involved in our lives are great ones!

takenbywine · 15/08/2020 22:39

It works for some people but not for me unfortunately. I don't know what life would throw at me as I could split up with DH and end up being with a man who doesn't have dc but I dated people who didn't have dc before I met DH. Also, since I was young and when friends were falling pregnant at secondary school and college, I always said to myself that I will have children when I'm married. I don't believe in the word 'soul mates' every relationship/marriage needs working and compromise unless you are in a abusive relationship.

CelestialSpanking · 15/08/2020 22:41

I have 2 children with my ex and while I don’t think my current partner ever expected to be a stepdad, he’s thrown himself into it and there’s been more ups than downs.