To be fed up of DH

[OhToBeASeahorse]

I'm 32 weeks pregnant. We were having work done on our house. We have a 2 year old.

This week we have stayed with friends because the builders were knocking down walls. DH was at our house every day to work and then came back to our friends. Our cat usually sleeps in the areas being done so I suggested letting her sleep anywhere else to minimise mess and upset for her.

I've come back today to find he has been leaving the door to the areas being done open every night, so dust has travelled all over the house and the cat has made it worse.

Toddler hasn't being sleeping well. I asked DH to listen out for him one evening so I could have a bath (I'm doing 95% of wake ups). I came out to find DS very upset - DH had had the monitor on low and 'hadnt heard him'- took me 45 mins to get him off to sleep

DH took DS shopping this afternoon while.i cleaned. I said we really needed fruit and bread. He's come back with 4 green bananas and nothing else. When I pointed this out he has stormed out the house to get more because I 'pick him up on everything'.

This morning I expressed concern that if the baby arrives early he wont be able to come.as he has work commitments. He said 'not a lot i can do about that'.I was looking for some constructive help for a back up plan.

I'm fucking exhausted and he's doing my head in.

If there is a load of cleaning and you are pregnant have you considered booking a cleaner? Tbh the dust would have got through whether the door was open or not if they are knocking down walls. Perhaps be a bit more specific with fruit requests next time.

*She did not specifically ask him to close the doors.

If she cleans it up then she's the fool.

I feel more sorry for you to, once again, fail to see another point of view.*

It was a good suggestion. You would think he would be able to work that out himself, but even after the suggestion he ignored it.

I wouldn't want to have your point of view, or see it. Setting the bar so low.

*I could say exactly the same about yours.

Once again, it's fruit and it's a bit of dust. It's not the end of the world, try as you might to make it out to be.*

No you couldn't

I'm wondering why you have set the bar so low.

Well you could say why is it the husbands responsibility? Surely it's an equal responsibility to check the fridge and ask for things from the shop?

Well the problem is probably 98% of anything household or child related is probably OPs responsibility. I'm sure she would love it to be 50/50 but it doesn't sound like it is.

If there is a load of cleaning and you are pregnant have you considered booking a cleaner?

So because the OP isn't quite as capable at the moment, she can't expect the other adult that lives in the house to take on some of the household chores? A cleaner has to be brought in?

@OhToBeASeahorse sorry it's been a rough day for you. My DH can sometimes be similarly without common sense, but by now I just know, so we work around that, as a couple.

When I send him shopping, I always, always make a list. If I want Lucozade, I write (orange). If I want bananas, I write (four). If I want pasta, I write (spaghetti). Just absolutely without any doubt. He likes it, I like it, no arguments, ever.

We also have a DS who is 10m and in 10m my DH has managed to make him go to sleep twice. It's me mornings, naps and evenings, it's me feeding, cooking, planning, entertaining, bath time, all me. If I want help, I ask, and I say "can you run a warm bath, wash him, brush his teeth, put nappy on and pyjamas".

Many will say it's micro managing him. Maybe it is, but either that, or nothing.

PS: never in million years would he come back with flowers and chocolate. It would not even cross his mind. I love him anyways :)

@ZooKeeper19 the thing is DH doesnt want to be micromanaged like that which is fair enough but puts me in a bit of a position!

He is normally great with shopping so I dont usually need to specify, I dont quite know what went wrong today.

With DH it's just the common sense issue. He makes work by just not thinking things through.

@OhToBeASeahorse I never understand the lack of common sense among some men. I sometimes wonder how they get dressed in the morning! I'm glad you've talked but he really needs to start thinking things though, otherwise he'll drive you mad.

@bisvuit I put up with someone like that for 12 years (except he wasn't working for most of it while I still did everything.) He (your DP) really needs to pull his weight, the lazy bum. I wonder what he'd say if you didn't wash his clothes, for example...

That sounds very frustrating, OP, and not having the monitor turned up is really shit. I would have been cross about that.

I do recommend a shared note in both your phones for shopping lists, though. Both people can add and no one is trying to remember what was said as they shop, which I think can be really difficult, especially shopping with a toddler.

Good that you are spending some nice time together. It sounds like you have both been a bit overwhelmed lately.

Micromanaged. I don’t know. I think most of us do it to some extent the trick is to do it with out then realising

I do think over micro management can lead to emasculating a man - not in taking away their maleness but to make them weak and to not do anything with out your permission. I seen it happen with my mother, she just wanted perfect but it didn’t exist and didn’t we all know about it!

My rule of thumb -

Treat people how you want to be treated

If your not happy - get the fuck out of there!

Learned helplessness.

Exhausting.
Dull.
Frustrating.

Mind yourself OP.
Protect yourself.