To be fed up of DH

[OhToBeASeahorse]

I'm 32 weeks pregnant. We were having work done on our house. We have a 2 year old.

This week we have stayed with friends because the builders were knocking down walls. DH was at our house every day to work and then came back to our friends. Our cat usually sleeps in the areas being done so I suggested letting her sleep anywhere else to minimise mess and upset for her.

I've come back today to find he has been leaving the door to the areas being done open every night, so dust has travelled all over the house and the cat has made it worse.

Toddler hasn't being sleeping well. I asked DH to listen out for him one evening so I could have a bath (I'm doing 95% of wake ups). I came out to find DS very upset - DH had had the monitor on low and 'hadnt heard him'- took me 45 mins to get him off to sleep

DH took DS shopping this afternoon while.i cleaned. I said we really needed fruit and bread. He's come back with 4 green bananas and nothing else. When I pointed this out he has stormed out the house to get more because I 'pick him up on everything'.

This morning I expressed concern that if the baby arrives early he wont be able to come.as he has work commitments. He said 'not a lot i can do about that'.I was looking for some constructive help for a back up plan.

I'm fucking exhausted and he's doing my head in.

[Lemonpink88]

Oh OP I sympathise! Iv a 6 week baby & 18 month old, DH did my absolute head in when I was pregnant! Stuff like this! Still the same as I’m tierd up feeding all hours.
I don’t think they mean to be useless they are just wired differently & u feel vulnerable with baby on board & main care giver for your DS.
Get some rest & try keep calm for little ones, tell him clearly what u want & try to not over think it.

[DimidDavilby]

Oh shut up @illegitetc.

YANBU. He knows what your toddler eats- you shouldn't even need to tell him to get fruit. He should already know what food you have in, since he bloody well lives with you. I hate this keeper of the cupboard attitude. Mines no better.

[Codexdivinchi]

@MaryLennoxsScowl

What is going on with Mumsnet at the moment? Every thread I’ve been on tonight has had posters arguing with the OP and sticking up furiously for the menfolk no matter what they’ve done. Seriously, is this an infiltration of MRAs?

Oh piss off. Hardly. Maybe some people have a bit of life behind them to know that every body isn’t perfect and this isn’t a man hating site

[QuestionMarkNow]

@Illegitiminoncarborundum, I don’t know. I for one, am totally in agreement with the OP. Her DH is behaving appallingly, sorry.

@OhToBeASeahorse, I’m glad you have talked. And I’m glad he recognises that chocolates and a bunch flowers can’t make for hours of cleaning the dust. If he REALLY had been sorry, he would have cleaned the house himself.
Having said that, I would still stick to the fact you are facilitating him and you need to start giving back some responsibility towards the house, the cleaning, feeding and generally looking after your dc etc.... With a newborn and a toddler, you’ll want him to be in the ball rather than vaguely ‘helping’ and following your exact directions whilst being grumpy because you are controlling....

[OverTheRainbow88]

We had work done to our house when I was pregnant with a 2 year old... was terrible!! I cried at the builder as my OH clearly lied to be about the finish date so I thought the builders were weeks behind!!

[Iminaglasscaseofemotion]

He didn't forget. He got bananas. They're fruit. OP asked for fruit.

If she wanted berries/oranges etc she should've said.

Lack of communication.

God why do people have this belief that every single detail needs to be spelled out to a grown adult who manages to hold down a job, just because they have a penis?
Why can't a man be expected to be able to use his brain to buy some edible fruit and bloody bread.

[QuestionMarkNow]

@Codexdivinchi, I dint think anyone is a man hating poster in this site. But many women have learnt to stop being a doormat and to start expecting more from men in general whilst pointing out privileges.

I think it’s good. And it has nothing to do with hating men (otherwise, no one on here would be married, have kids with them etc....)

[OhToBeASeahorse]

@AnaadiNitya thanks, that's really helpful. With pregnancy hormones I'm probably less tolerant than usual and I know I have high standards. DH has had a lot on - he's only had one week off this year - I just dont want it to be that the children and the home become my realm. He's dealing with all the building stuff (because the builders basically ignore me!!) so he is pulling his weight injust dont want us to have separate responsibilities and be clueless about how the other one operates!

[QuestionMarkNow]

@OverTheRainbow88, I had the building issue too when I was on with Dc2.

The difference was that we did ourselves and MIL had much more foresight (ThN me) and intervened so that all the dirty work was done (a couple of days) before I gave birth.
DH though closed all the doors, and covered as much much of the furniture as possible with sheets......

[Iminaglasscaseofemotion]

The more and more you respond the more and more I see your husbands point of view and what he sees in you.

The more and more you respond it becomes clear that you are just a gf, looking for an argument.
Why couldn't he look in the house and see what fruit is needed? Presumably he lives there and eats the food too.

[OhToBeASeahorse]

@QuestionMarkNow he did offer to clean and he has done some but 2bh I've had DS all week so was happier to clean while DH went to the park

@OverTheRainbow88 did you all survive?!

[Illegitiminoncarborundum]

@Iminaglasscaseofemotion

I'm not looking for an argument. OP asked if she is BU.

I think she is.

But clearly a lot of people are incapable of understanding that someone else might think differently and see a difference in opinion as an argument

[OhToBeASeahorse]

Ooh! That explains the prostitutes.

Ta

[KarlKennedysDurianFruit]

The fruit thing, he got fruit, not hearing the toddler could be a genuine mistake until you realise it's you that had to resettle him. Your husband let him get in that state, he then had to deal with the grouchy toddler. The cat and the dust and the doors is moronic.
Presents as apologies infuriate me, rectify the problem (don't expect me to) and learn from your mistake, don't think I can be bought off with a cliché gesture. I'm assuming it will be him cleaning the house to get rid of the dust? Similarly if he's on toddler duty and DC gets in a state, he soothes him surely?

[Illegitiminoncarborundum]

@KarlKennedysDurianFruit

Thank the lord, someone else who agrees.

[killerofmen]

So has he bought more fruit? That'd be better than chocolates and flowers.

[Iminaglasscaseofemotion]

I absolutely hate this attitude on hear that expecting and adult to actually take part in the household tasks in their own home, and use their brain to work out what needs done=man hater 🙄. It's tedious.

[OhToBeASeahorse]

They dont agree with you - they've just described the door thing as moronic.

I.should.have gone downstairs and got DH to settle DS but by that point he was crying for mummy and I knew that it would take 3 times as long with DH trying to settle him.

[Iminaglasscaseofemotion]

He did buy edible fruit. He did buy bread.

No he didn't. Please at least try to read.

It takes 3 seconds to shout "and some berries/oranges etc"

Again, explain why the OP should have to do this?

[OhToBeASeahorse]

@killerofmen yes he has gone back and got what we usually have which is great (and means I can make myself feel better about eating he chocolate!)

[nicky7654]

Oh dear, my husband in the last two weeks has knocked over 4 mugs of tea after being told beforehand not to.accidently kick his mug lol And for the life of him can he remember to put his soap on the sponge instead of in the sink. Not all men think like women and it's easier to not make a big deal out of it. None of us are.perfect.

[Staffy1]

It's just like he has periods of having no fucking common sense.

Unfortunately, I think this applies to a large percentage of men.

[Illegitiminoncarborundum]

@Iminaglasscaseofemotion

Because it literally takes 3 seconds and it shouldn't be a competition or whatever of "who can check the fridge the best to do a shopping list"

It's just bloody fruit. It's just a bit of dust.

Really, is this going to matter in a few weeks? No. So just leave it.

[Iminaglasscaseofemotion]

No one I see so many thread on here about men having affairs or leaving. I don't blame them if people get so worked up about some bloody fruit.

Having your pregnant wife get annoyed about you leaving doors open for dust to go all over the house, after she specifically asked him not to, and probably knowing she will have to clear it up. Is not a reasonable excise to have an affair, neither is the fruit and bread thing, and if you think it is I feel a bit sorry for you.