To be fed up of DH

[OhToBeASeahorse]

I'm 32 weeks pregnant. We were having work done on our house. We have a 2 year old.

This week we have stayed with friends because the builders were knocking down walls. DH was at our house every day to work and then came back to our friends. Our cat usually sleeps in the areas being done so I suggested letting her sleep anywhere else to minimise mess and upset for her.

I've come back today to find he has been leaving the door to the areas being done open every night, so dust has travelled all over the house and the cat has made it worse.

Toddler hasn't being sleeping well. I asked DH to listen out for him one evening so I could have a bath (I'm doing 95% of wake ups). I came out to find DS very upset - DH had had the monitor on low and 'hadnt heard him'- took me 45 mins to get him off to sleep

DH took DS shopping this afternoon while.i cleaned. I said we really needed fruit and bread. He's come back with 4 green bananas and nothing else. When I pointed this out he has stormed out the house to get more because I 'pick him up on everything'.

This morning I expressed concern that if the baby arrives early he wont be able to come.as he has work commitments. He said 'not a lot i can do about that'.I was looking for some constructive help for a back up plan.

I'm fucking exhausted and he's doing my head in.

[OhToBeASeahorse]

How can you tell someone not to accidentally do something?!

DH broke a glass the other day, I broke one last week - someone telling us not to do it wouldnt have helped, it was an accident!

[KarlKennedysDurianFruit]

@Illegitiminoncarborundum I don't think I do agree with you. The OPs husband needs to take responsibility when he fucks up, and stop fucking up, he's an adult, over is a mistake of he's constantly doing similar it's not ok. The fruit I'd probably let go, he did get bananas, but when you add in the rest I'd be irritated too. Letting the cat run building debris all over the house is idiotic, he should be cleaning it up, and he should be the one settling the toddler back to sleep if he didn't hear the monitor while he was meant to be listening. The problem isn't just that he messes up it's that the OP then end up putting things right. I think natural consequences should apply to adults not just children, maybe then he'd think before making sloppy decisions.

[KarlKennedysDurianFruit]

*once is a mistake

[Iminaglasscaseofemotion]

But clearly a lot of people are incapable of understanding that someone else might think differently and see a difference in opinion as an argument

That's because your argument for her being unreasonable is shit and a bit pathetic.

[killerofmen]

Meh if he's got the fruit I wouldn't be that bothered.

Not all men think like women and it's easier to not make a big deal out of it. None of us are.perfect.

Genuinely misread this as not all men like women...

[AnaadiNitya]

[quote OhToBeASeahorse]@AnaadiNitya thanks, that's really helpful. With pregnancy hormones I'm probably less tolerant than usual and I know I have high standards. DH has had a lot on - he's only had one week off this year - I just dont want it to be that the children and the home become my realm. He's dealing with all the building stuff (because the builders basically ignore me!!) so he is pulling his weight injust dont want us to have separate responsibilities and be clueless about how the other one operates![/quote]
OP it’s a hard balance to navigate. I gave up a career for the kids which was always at the back of my mind. I ultimately became the ‘home maker’ and him ‘everything else’. I’m
Not going to lie I gave him a hard time when I was pregnant and some of the shit my dh did was just fucking stupid but he was juggling a lot. And so was I. If he is a good bloke - get past the bananas and the cat ( although he should clean that shit up) and try and reconnect. Life gets in the way sometimes and it’s really important you try to reconnect. Relationships can swing one one or another before you know it

[Illegitiminoncarborundum]

@Iminaglasscaseofemotion

I could say exactly the same about yours.

Once again, it's fruit and it's a bit of dust. It's not the end of the world, try as you might to make it out to be.

[OhToBeASeahorse]

@AnaadiNitya thanks, you are absolutely right. We are watching Mock the Week with some chocolate. All is well.

Love the poster just ignoring anything that us inconvenient to their argument.

[Iminaglasscaseofemotion]

Because it literally takes 3 seconds and it shouldn't be a competition or whatever of "who can check the fridge the best to do a shopping list"

It's just bloody fruit. It's just a bit of dust.

Really, is this going to matter in a few weeks? No. So just leave it.

It doesn't need to be a competition, there is no competition, he should just be able to take some responsibility. Why is it the OPs responsibility? You can't seem to answer that question. Is it because she has a vagina?
It's just a bit of fruit, and just a bit of dust but it all adds up and yes, in a few weeks it will matter because it will just be something else.

[zoemum2006]

I think most men would feel quite miserable if you stopped caring when they messed up. If you just accepted it as inevitable and didn't expect any better form them.

OP there's nothing wrong with asking for something and expecting it to be done properly.

Your DH was just pissy because he's annoyed at himself for screwing up. Some men struggle to distinguish their emotions and it comes out as anger but it looks like he realised he was out of order for getting annoyed at you.

[MaryLennoxsScowl]

I despair. It’s either women are too demanding or men are just too simple to notice basic domestic staples, the poor dears - luckily I have a higher opinion of both women and men than a lot of posters.

[OhToBeASeahorse]

@zoemum2006 you are absolutely right. He realised it was daft and then gets defensive and pissy. Its tiring.

[Illegitiminoncarborundum]

@Iminaglasscaseofemotion

Well you could say why is it the husbands responsibility? Surely it's an equal responsibility to check the fridge and ask for things from the shop?

@OhToBeASeahorse

I'm assuming you're talking about me. I've no idea what I've supposedly ignored but carry on yourself denying that you could possibly be BU

[OhToBeASeahorse]

No it is quite clear you have trouble reading so I'm perfectly accepting that you have no idea what you missed.

Why do you want to cause narrow when there isnt one?

[OhToBeASeahorse]

• a row

[hadenoughbleach]

Gosh, I know exactly what you mean OP, and no YANBU in the slightest.

On the very rare occasion I ask my DH to do the shopping, with a list and saying to get anything else we need, he comes back with about 10 things in my list, nothing else, and is then triumphant that he spent a quarter of what I usually do!

It sounds like yours has realised he messed up, which is great. Mine will never apologise for anything, which is among the myriad of reasons I'll be leaving him at the end of this year.

[Illegitiminoncarborundum]

@OhToBeASeahorse

Genuinely no idea! Now you're making me chuckle.

I'm not wanting to cause a row. Very funny how you have an issue with me because my opinion is different to yours, but not any other posters who are clearly argumentative.

[OhToBeASeahorse]

No one has been argumentative apart from you. They've suggested that we have off days which i have readily accepted.

Other posters have pulled you up on it. Another poster had to point out that they in fact didnt agree with you despite your excited tones that they did. You are trying to stir non existent shit.

@hadenoughbleach I'm sorry that sounds rough but good for you for making a decision.

[Mamette]

OP I wouldn’t engage with that ^ 🙄

Yanbu. It sounds like having another child. Exhausting.

[BlogTheBlogger]

Why are people making excuses for him only buying bananas? Yes we KNOW bananas are fruit but if the usual fare is apples, nectarines, berries etc then just buying 1 type of fruit is fecking stupid.

Like needing bread and people think him buying 2 bread rolls is fine - "well it IS bread, OP should have specified for the other grown adult in the house what was needed, poor lamb trying his best" Ridiculous

[strawberrypip]

ignore @Illegitiminoncarborundum they are clearly having a boring night.

I can imagine a lot of your exasperation comes from exhaustion too. I have a 9 month old who is a crap sleeper and I do all the night wakings. the third trimester was also not so long ago that I dont remember the tiredness that came with that so you have my sympathies for that alone. being sleep deprived sucks. it is not unreasonable to be irritated by this lack of thinking from your partner. it just adds more work for you. I'm glad he has seen it from your point of view now.

[GlitteriestFluff]

Well there we go.

Schrodinger's Mumsnet - where if you expect anything other than the occasional picking up of pants then you are an ogre: but at the same time. if you 'let your partner get away with' anything less than 50:50 parity, including mental load (whatever your working status) then you are a downtrodden and abused mess.

Lots of men come to relationships with no templates - or really faulty ones from their parents. We shouldn't have to educate them, but sometimes we need to.

If that doesn't work, I can say from experience, it is much easier to parent alone than to parent alone with endless resentment towards a non-parenting parent.

[bisvuit]

My DP has been driving me mad this week. I love that man, but boy is he useless at home. We are both working full time but I still do everything else. I have just been putting pictures up, sorting washing, mopping floor whilst he sits and watches tv