Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boyfriend went against my wishes

70 replies

Enilybunpy · 15/08/2020 13:25

When I fell pregnant I told my boyfriend I didn’t want anyone to know until after the 12 week mark and he agreed. But I hear him speak to people and they sound like they know I’m pregnant (I.e obviously Emily won’t be able to drink) it’s been about 12 people. I feel so disrespected am I being unreasonable

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 15/08/2020 13:28

It’s his news too.

WorraLiberty · 15/08/2020 13:33

12 people have sounded like they know you're pregnant?

Have you spoken to him about it?

Lockheart · 15/08/2020 13:33

Have you established whether he's actually told anyone or are you assuming?

OrangeGinLemonFanta · 15/08/2020 13:36

At this point no, its not really his news. It's potential fatherhood to him but actual massive changes to the OP's body. OP its a bad sign that he's gone and blabbed seemingly to all and sundry. Does he normally respect your wishes?

Butchyrestingface · 15/08/2020 13:37

12 people have sounded like they know you're pregnant?

LOL.

updownroundandround · 15/08/2020 13:40

It's as much his news as yours.............

Personally I'd be glad he's wanted to tell people and is excited.

EatsShootsAndRuns · 15/08/2020 13:45

Most people prefer not to say anything until 12 weeks and if he agreed not to say anything then he shouldn't have said anything. He had the option of saying to OP that he was a blabbermouth though and didn't.

WellIWasInTheNeighbourhoo · 15/08/2020 13:50

Women often don't say anything first 12 weeks because the risk of miscarriage is at its highest then. If that were to happen the last thing you want to have to do is tell everyone you know. Close friends & family are generally the only people you want to have to talk about it with. He has been very selfish and dishonest to you, pull him up on it.

NoSauce · 15/08/2020 14:00

What has he said to you about it when you told him you were upset?

SirGawain · 15/08/2020 14:03

You need to speak to him about it, rather than assuming that he's told others. If he has spread the news you are not being unreasonable to be annoyed.

FizzyGreenWater · 15/08/2020 14:06

It's his news too

Yep, he could take that view. That would be fine.

Just as long as he doesn't then pull a sad face at his girlfriend deciding she's not going to tell him any other news relating to her pregnancy and personal medical details, because she doesn't want it to become public knowledge before she's ready/happy to share.

Pregnancy isn't 'joint news' like any other I'm afraid, like buying a house or deciding to get married. It's unique - it's certainly big joint news, but waaaaay more important than that is the fact that it's also someone's very personal physical situation.

A bloke who either doesn't get or wilfully misunderstands this, and whose default position isn't to be supportive, protective and be sure that his pregnant partner is ok with him sharing news on HER very personal situation is a twat, basically.

jessstan2 · 15/08/2020 14:11

He probably has dropped hints. It's an exciting time so don't be too hard on him. I never get all this waiting until 12 weeks business, I certainly couldn't have kept it to myself until then.

Congratulations.

FizzyGreenWater · 15/08/2020 14:12

I know someone who wouldn't allow her DH to come to her scans because of this.

He totally disregarded her wishes on telling people, especially his family, and what was shared, and she was afraid that if there was a problem then she wouldn't trust him to keep that information between themselves while she was dealing with it or deciding what to do.

He was gutted. But he'd been warned before she even became pregnant. She dealt with everything herself, she said she knew that the thing she wouldn't be able to forgive was him telling family his mother personal medical details.

Entirely his own fault.

whereverwhenevernone · 15/08/2020 14:15

It’s his news too

It's shared news. His partner is right not to want all and sundry to know in case the pregnancy doesn't last. When I lost a baby I was really glad I hadn't told many people - I just didn't want to have to face all those people being bloody 'sad' and awkward around me. He should be able to understand and respect that - not bloody disregard the impact on her and insist on his 'right' to share 'his' news. If that is his attitude to being in a relationship, then he doesn't really understand what a relationship is.

ddl1 · 15/08/2020 14:17

YANBU if you are sure that he has indeed told. Many people don't like to tell people before 12 weeks. In any case, he should respect your wishes.

whereverwhenevernone · 15/08/2020 14:18

I never get all this waiting until 12 weeks business

Do you really live in such a bubble that you don't understand why? Are you a cartoon character? Do you not live in the real world?

ddl1 · 15/08/2020 14:20

'It’s his news too.'

Obviously it would be unreasonable to expect him to keep the news of a baby secret. And in late pregnancy, it would hardly be possible to keep pregnancy secret. But in the first 12 weeks, if she doesn't want him to tell, he shouldn't.

ClementineWoolysocks · 15/08/2020 14:21

@Katiesks

When I fell pregnant I told my boyfriend I didn’t want anyone to know until after the 12 week mark and he agreed. But I hear him speak to people and they sound like they know I’m pregnant (I.e obviously Emily won’t be able to drink) it’s been about 12 people. I feel so disrespected am I being unreasonable
Have you actually asked him if he's spilt the beans? Someone sounding like they know is a bit lame tbh.
BobCat2020 · 15/08/2020 14:21

I would be fuming OP. He is incredibly selfish for going against your wishes and clearly lacks respect. I wouldn't share any medical details or have him attend any scans in your situation.

justasking111 · 15/08/2020 14:24

Well head down the loo from beginning so everyone knew with first, no-one had a clue with second including us until 16 weeks. I would tell both families if you know for sure the cat is out of the bag.

Viviennemary · 15/08/2020 14:24

You sound like you think he told them. Why not just ask him if he has. He shouldn't have if you agreed not to tell anyone before 12 weeks.

justasking111 · 15/08/2020 14:25

@BobCat2020

I would be fuming OP. He is incredibly selfish for going against your wishes and clearly lacks respect. I wouldn't share any medical details or have him attend any scans in your situation.
Really it is his baby too. Surprised you have not suggested LTB Grin
Devlesko · 15/08/2020 14:27

I'd be so mad and he'd be cut out of any info going on.
You obviously can't trust him, and he clearly isn't on the same page.
if you intend to stay with him you need to know he is with you, at least you aren't married.

Choochoose · 15/08/2020 14:30

I wouldn't share any medical details or have him attend any scans in your situation.

Wow, that sounds like a healthy way to approach it. Alternatively maybe talk to him, ask him and if he says he did, ask him why. I don't think it's outrageous for men to sometimes need support from outside to be honest, but obviously he should have spoken to you about it.

Original poster
Enilybunpy · 15/08/2020 14:30

He said he only told one person but I don’t believe him he slipped up once and said someone else guessed

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread