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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Very little effort for my birthday

69 replies

Aurora124 · 13/08/2020 21:13

I know i must be acting like a spoiled brat but I am genuinely upset.

My husband seems to love being centre of attention and when its other peoples birthdays, weddings, he gets all moody and can't seem to make an effort for another person.

When its his birthday, i go all out, i plan all his presents in advance and get things I know he would like, need, or has mentioned before he would love to have. I overspend which I know is my fault. I let him sit down all day while I run around getting things for him asking for he wants anything, i get him a birthday cake, take him out for tea put up balloons and banners ( really for the kids sake) i do this so his day is special and he feels spoiled.

He has known it was my birthday , he never forgets but has more and more left it to the last min. He went shopping on tues snd asked for £100 because he was short and wanted to get me something nice. He admitted he didn't know what to get, i suggested a few ideas but said i could order something for myself from him if its a problem.

So my birthday arrives, he has grumped around all day, not once said happy birthday, moaned about something i had done around the house. He did make me a bacon roll ( but thats because I joked with him the day before saying I hope he was going to, he said he never got anything on his birthday, which I did make him breakfast in bed, he had forgotten) my presents were shoved at me with a didn't know what to get you and he walked away.

He got a me £4 pair of slippers , when i have exactly 8 pairs sitting in the cupboard,and some chocolates.

Nothing else was clearly planned for the day so i went over to my mums, i came home and was grumped at for being a long time. And that was it? He went to bed and hasn't said a word.

Aibu to be annoyed?

OP posts:
TweetUsOnFacebook · 13/08/2020 21:15

Yanbu. Stop making such a big effort for his birthday.

Smarshian · 13/08/2020 21:16

YANBU. I know on MN that adults aren’t allowed to think of birthdays as special days but in RL if my husband didn’t do something to make the day special for me I’d be pretty disappointed.

Somewheresun · 13/08/2020 21:18

Happy birthday hope you had a better time when you went to see your mum :)
I think you have a good right to be annoyed, I would be seriously be peeved at him. Men can be so thoughtless and selfish.

altiara · 13/08/2020 21:19

Where’s your £100 gone then?

InDeoEstMeaFiducia · 13/08/2020 21:20

The fuck I'd ever go all out for his birthday again. Just stop babying him.

Devon1987 · 13/08/2020 21:20

I'd being fuming and I would be telling him his fortune. What a selfish awful man. A cuppa in bed, a takeaway and a present you actually want isn't too much to ask. Ideally done with a bloody smile on his face.

ShirleyPhallus · 13/08/2020 21:20

What did he do with the £100?

CalmdownJanet · 13/08/2020 21:21

Yanbu to be pissed off, yabu if you do anything but grump and make zero effort for his birthday next year. He sounds like a twat

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 13/08/2020 21:21

YABU to be annoyed. Furious would be a more normal reaction.

OursonGuimauve · 13/08/2020 21:22

So as well as being a total thoughtless, self-centred shit he also rinsed you for £96?

Serenity45 · 13/08/2020 21:22

YANBU OP and your husband sounds like a pure prick

Lollypop701 · 13/08/2020 21:23

So where is the other £90? Yanbu, he has turned your birthday into all about him. Poor dh doesn’t know what to get so is upset and disgruntled and you should make him feel better by telling him it’s all ok and soothing his ego. Instead you went to your mums 😤
You need to have a conversation... you treat people as you Like to be treated. it’s not your job on your birthday to make him feel ok because he’s not made an effort

Viviennemary · 13/08/2020 21:25

I'm not big on birthdays but YANBU. I'd rather have nothing than a £4 pair of slippers. Bought with my own money anyway. He's awful. Get rid.

FizzyGreenWater · 13/08/2020 21:30

FUCKING HELL.

Well firstly I'd be asking for around £90 back.

Then I'd go out for lunch on it with someone nice to spend time with not him

Then I'd bookmark this thread with an alert to go off just before his birthday, re-read it, and get him some slippers and chocolates to throw on the bed on the morning of his birthday, after which you basically act like it's any other day.

He's a right twat, isn't he?

MummBraTheEverLeaking · 13/08/2020 21:31

Where is the rest of the money? And stop doing big deals for his birthday, no more.

RandomMess · 13/08/2020 21:33

Do nothing on his birthday ever again!!!

Thehop · 13/08/2020 21:34

He’s a selfish prick

And he needs to give you your £90 change for a start.

No more effort on his birthdays and ask him for the money before

Is he otherwise marvellous? If he’s this much of a waz in all areas of be leaving him. He sounds like a joy sponge.

81Byerley · 13/08/2020 21:37

As others have said, what happened to the £100? And you know what to do on his next birthday, don't you??

123456abcd · 13/08/2020 21:37

Why do you have 8 pairs of slippers.......

ladymary86 · 13/08/2020 21:38

YADNBU!!!!!
He sounds like a self centred prick! Do NOTHING for his next bday!

Hope you had a nice time with your Mum op.

1FootInTheRave · 13/08/2020 21:39

Where's the other 96 quid?

Why did he need to borrow in the first place?

Anotherlovelybitofsquirrel · 13/08/2020 21:40

That's enough to make you LTB surely?!

ComputersaysRAVE · 13/08/2020 21:40

@123456abcd because some dumb fuck in the family keeps buying them for her

Shoxfordian · 13/08/2020 21:46

Yabu to put up with this shit

zoemum2006 · 13/08/2020 21:48

I don't really celebrate my birthday but I'd be absolutely LIVID if DH was actually grumpy with me on my b-day and took my money!!