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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Very little effort for my birthday

69 replies

Aurora124 · 13/08/2020 21:13

I know i must be acting like a spoiled brat but I am genuinely upset.

My husband seems to love being centre of attention and when its other peoples birthdays, weddings, he gets all moody and can't seem to make an effort for another person.

When its his birthday, i go all out, i plan all his presents in advance and get things I know he would like, need, or has mentioned before he would love to have. I overspend which I know is my fault. I let him sit down all day while I run around getting things for him asking for he wants anything, i get him a birthday cake, take him out for tea put up balloons and banners ( really for the kids sake) i do this so his day is special and he feels spoiled.

He has known it was my birthday , he never forgets but has more and more left it to the last min. He went shopping on tues snd asked for £100 because he was short and wanted to get me something nice. He admitted he didn't know what to get, i suggested a few ideas but said i could order something for myself from him if its a problem.

So my birthday arrives, he has grumped around all day, not once said happy birthday, moaned about something i had done around the house. He did make me a bacon roll ( but thats because I joked with him the day before saying I hope he was going to, he said he never got anything on his birthday, which I did make him breakfast in bed, he had forgotten) my presents were shoved at me with a didn't know what to get you and he walked away.

He got a me £4 pair of slippers , when i have exactly 8 pairs sitting in the cupboard,and some chocolates.

Nothing else was clearly planned for the day so i went over to my mums, i came home and was grumped at for being a long time. And that was it? He went to bed and hasn't said a word.

Aibu to be annoyed?

OP posts:

LovingLola · 13/08/2020 21:51

My husband seems to love being centre of attention and when its other peoples birthdays, weddings, he gets all moody and can't seem to make an effort for another person.

He does not sound particularly attractive
Does he have any redeeming qualities?

Zaphodsotherhead · 13/08/2020 21:52

I'd be livid if a man asked for money to buy me my own present! Especially since he knew the birthday was upcoming and could have put a few quid aside to get something.

Nothingwillcomeofnothing · 13/08/2020 21:56

Your husband obviously doesn’t enjoy birthdays so stop celebrating his.
A card and a “ happy birthday sweet heart “ should suffice, then get on with your day.
Go all out to spoil your children on their birthdays rather than someone who doesn’t even remember your gestures and doesn’t seem to see the importance of a birthday.

Gogogadgetarms · 13/08/2020 21:58

@ShirleyPhallus

What did he do with the £100?

You beat me to it!

A £4 pair of slippers?! YANBU OP.

RoseTintedAtuin · 13/08/2020 22:06

Demand your money back and boom into a hotel with some friends or your mam. Have afternoon tea, cocktails and maybe a massage while giving him zero headspace. Arrive back late well fed.

pollyhty · 13/08/2020 22:10

As others have said, where has the £100 gone.
I definitely don't expect anything over the top for an adults birthday but I would a husband/wife to pull together a present that their spouse would like and organise a meal.
His next birthday you stop going above and beyond.

Malaya · 13/08/2020 22:12

Firstly, where’s your money?

Secondly, you don’t need this shit in your life.

katy1213 · 13/08/2020 22:33

Get the £100 back. Buy yourself something nice - he's clearly incapable of choosing anything you'd actually want, so even if he'd got off his lazy arse, it would have been money wasted (and why do you have to fund your own present anyway?) Or take you mum or a friend out for lunch/dinner. Don't even tell him you're going, he's not invited. And when it's his birthday - anything good in Poundland?

Beautiful3 · 13/08/2020 22:38

Ask him what he did with the rest of the money. When it's his birthday buy him a pair of slippers and a box of chocolates. When he complains, tell him he did the exact same thing for yours! You are a fool if you continue to spoil him on his birthdays when he doesn't do the same for you.

Ginger1982 · 13/08/2020 22:41

Where's your money??

sitckmansladylove · 13/08/2020 22:41

Mine isn't great with birthdays but he didn't grow up with any sort of fuss. No way on earth would he be grumpy at a party or take money from me. He buys a decent present (albeit with hint). Don't put up with it !

Reviewsplease · 13/08/2020 22:49

Geez my husband isnt great with present buying but I know he took my 3 year old to get me a present and card and we have arranged our day so I get some time on my own. He has also organised for me to have 2 evenings out.... it's not tricky....

Dont bother with his birthday again.Encourage the kids because they should be shown how to treat people but stop with the extra lengths he isnt worth it.

Also... how have you been with him for any length of time and not addressed this issue?

Marcipex · 13/08/2020 22:50

Demand £90 back.

Ignore his birthday.

EKGEMS · 13/08/2020 22:51

Why the fuck would you loan $ to somebody to buy your own damn gift? How old is this man ,7? Holy shit what an unequal partnership you've been roped into

finished31 · 13/08/2020 22:55

Isn't he a catch selfish prick.
Do shite all for him on his birthday.

Did he get you a card from your DC's and how does he act on their birthdays?

Iloveacurry · 13/08/2020 22:58

He sounds like a child. Why do you make such an effort for him? Don’t bother again. And what happened to your £100? Ask for it back.

aimzxd · 13/08/2020 22:58

Troll

Stannisbaratheonsboxofmatches · 13/08/2020 23:02

Yanbu

Well, first of all you need to get your £100 back
Then you need to at the very least make sure you do absolutely nothing for his next birthday.

But forget that. I’d leave someone who did so little for me.

Exh was very similar and I think it was deliberate - rather than using someone’s birthday to show them how much they mean to you, using it to show how little they mean. On purpose.

Arrivederla · 13/08/2020 23:08

Why on earth do you run around after him on his birthday? He is a selfish twat.

BluebellForest836 · 13/08/2020 23:10

So have you actually had it out with him?

Chloemol · 13/08/2020 23:14

Just don’t do anything for him at his next birthday, and buy him a cheap pair of slippers. Then when he groans and means just say, oh after not doing anything for my birthday I assumed we weren’t going to do them any more

Winterwoollies · 13/08/2020 23:17

I feel crushed for you. What an awful, awful, selfish, nasty prick your husband is. Ugh. I cannot believe he behaved this way. Also, it sounds like he’s kept your money.

You stopping making effort for him is not enough. And unless he has some other seriously redeeming qualities, he’s not worthy of you.

RubyFakeLips · 13/08/2020 23:33

I was going to say that my DH is really shit at this kind of thing and I now just tell him very specifically what I expect, what gifts I want and that he should outsource x, y and z.

Then I read about the £4 slippers. WTF?! Even more horrified that he has been such a miserable git. You should bollock him, intensely. It’s nothing to do with being big on birthdays it’s to do with being a giant selfish baby and your birthday being the one opportunity in the year for him to dedicate a day to you, as a demonstration of love, kindness and appreciation.

Anordinarymum · 13/08/2020 23:38

Leave the bastard. Take him for all he's got and then kick him onto the street without so much as a bin liner for his clothes, and then pour bleach on everything and on him if he's still hanging around the snivelling little twerp.
Then beat the shite out of him with the £4 slippers.

Was that a bit much.......... don't use bleach then

Porcupineinwaiting · 13/08/2020 23:38

I mean this kindly but: stop being a doormat.

Ask for your £90 back. Tell him how you feel. And do less for him. Make less effort for his birthdays, for Christmas. Be less thoughtful. Dont get over it.

Treat him as he treats you. Maybe he'll step up, most likely he wont.

And if you discover you dont want to live like that - ltb.

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