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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Very little effort for my birthday

69 replies

Aurora124 · 13/08/2020 21:13

I know i must be acting like a spoiled brat but I am genuinely upset.

My husband seems to love being centre of attention and when its other peoples birthdays, weddings, he gets all moody and can't seem to make an effort for another person.

When its his birthday, i go all out, i plan all his presents in advance and get things I know he would like, need, or has mentioned before he would love to have. I overspend which I know is my fault. I let him sit down all day while I run around getting things for him asking for he wants anything, i get him a birthday cake, take him out for tea put up balloons and banners ( really for the kids sake) i do this so his day is special and he feels spoiled.

He has known it was my birthday , he never forgets but has more and more left it to the last min. He went shopping on tues snd asked for £100 because he was short and wanted to get me something nice. He admitted he didn't know what to get, i suggested a few ideas but said i could order something for myself from him if its a problem.

So my birthday arrives, he has grumped around all day, not once said happy birthday, moaned about something i had done around the house. He did make me a bacon roll ( but thats because I joked with him the day before saying I hope he was going to, he said he never got anything on his birthday, which I did make him breakfast in bed, he had forgotten) my presents were shoved at me with a didn't know what to get you and he walked away.

He got a me £4 pair of slippers , when i have exactly 8 pairs sitting in the cupboard,and some chocolates.

Nothing else was clearly planned for the day so i went over to my mums, i came home and was grumped at for being a long time. And that was it? He went to bed and hasn't said a word.

Aibu to be annoyed?

OP posts:

nzborn · 14/08/2020 00:38

Borrow 100 on his birthday and then give him cheap slippers.

gingerbiscuits · 14/08/2020 00:44

What a complete prick!! What did he spend YOUR £100 on then?? I'd be bloody fuming. Chucking him out kind of fuming.

damnthatanxiety · 14/08/2020 12:50

FFS, stop making a fuss over him. Just stop. If he has a problem then tell him why and leave him to his misery. Honestly, why have you been making a fuss when he is so crap

mbosnz · 14/08/2020 12:53

I'd be going and requesting my money back, and I'd also be telling him I hoped he enjoyed his previous birthday because it's the last damned time I'm ever making an occasion of it for him.

mbosnz · 14/08/2020 12:53

Or on his next birthday, doing for him, exactly (and I mean exactly) what he did for yours.

Wearywithteens · 14/08/2020 12:57

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

brakethree · 14/08/2020 12:58

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.

In a calm controlled voice remind him it is your birthday and you would like a nice day and made to feel special as it's important to you. At the end of the day if he doesn't make an effort then just apologise for making such a fuss about birthdays, you hadn't realised he wasn't bothered by them. Then get the minimum for his birthday and go away/out on your birthday. And yes I have done this and continue. My DH had a special birthday a couple of years ago and said he wanted a party - lovely but there was no way I was organising etc and guess what, never happened.

I really hope OP that you're also not one of these people who runs around buying cards and gifts for all his family. That is his job.

For those whose husbands 'aren't very good at remembering or doing anything for that kind of thing' - how do they hold down jobs, you know having to remember to go to meetings, make phone calls etc! They aren't good at it because they don't give a **it!

shinyredbus · 14/08/2020 13:11

So for gods fucking sake - stop making his birthday such a big deal then! If he has form for this and you go all every year - how on earth did you not think it was going to be the same this year?

Shizzlestix · 14/08/2020 13:31

I’m another who can’t understand why you make his birthday so fabulous when he clearly cannot be bothered to even consider your present more than a day before the event. Just stop making a mug of yourself and get him a Lynx gift set next year.

Toilenstripes · 14/08/2020 13:36

@Anordinarymum

Leave the bastard. Take him for all he's got and then kick him onto the street without so much as a bin liner for his clothes, and then pour bleach on everything and on him if he's still hanging around the snivelling little twerp. Then beat the shite out of him with the £4 slippers.

Was that a bit much.......... don't use bleach then

😂😂😂

Smileandtheworldsmileswithyou · 14/08/2020 13:37

What?! This is awful. Why would you put up with this behaviour? This is your husband? It sounds like you’ve described a sulky teenager. If I was him I’d actually be embarrassed by how id behaved. You deserve to have someone make a fuss of you on your birthday, and honestly he just sounds like an immature selfish idiot. I wouldn’t find that attractive at all and would do nothing on his birthday. If he has a problem with it remind him of the shit show that was your birthday.

Smileandtheworldsmileswithyou · 14/08/2020 13:44

I have to be honest I am starting to wonder if this post is actually true, it seems a bit like a wind up. I just don’t think anyone would put up with this shit.

popcornlover · 14/08/2020 14:03

That’s a deal breaker! LTB. Or put up and shut if you don’t want to leave him.

Yeahnahmum · 14/08/2020 14:07

Wherr is the rest of the money?
He sounds like a grump.
Stop making his birthdays big and special

But do open your mouth next time. And ask him why he doesnt congratulate him. Etc

angelfishrock · 14/08/2020 14:15

Happy Birthday

I think YABU for going so out of your way for DH. Don't do this again and plan your birthdays in the future without him but with people who value you.

IsaLain · 14/08/2020 14:15

Sit down and have a grown up conversation about it. Say what you've said here. Ask him how he wants to handle birthdays from now on; your way or his way. He cant keep having a great day planned by you and then doing nothing for you, so either you both stop doing birthdays or he dowa something special for you from now on too. Starting with a do-over on a day you're both free for him to sort something for you.

ddl1 · 14/08/2020 15:12

I was prepared to say that YABU, because I dislike the idea that a person's caring, etc. should be measured by how much effort they make for your BIRTHDAY. (1) Caring is for every day, not for the birthday. If someone is selfish and uncaring every day, then a birthday splash doesn't make up for it. If they are considerate and loving every day, this is not cancelled out by birthday neglect. (2) In my opinion, a birthday should not be emphasized as a person's Big Special Day, but just as an opportunity for doing things that are fun, if the person so wishes. (I realize that I am undoubtedly biased by the fact that I have an extreme phobia of my own 'new age day', and absolutely cannot bear any birthday reminders or acknowledgements of any sort.) HOWEVER, he seems to be going to the totally opposite extreme of using the day to take out his bad moods on you, and possibly even to cheat you out of money, and this is very unacceptable. To be blunt: does he drink or use drugs? Or gamble? That sort of addiction has occurred to me as a possible explanation both for the moodiness and the disappearance of the money. Or does he only act like this on birthdays? If so, I would give up on demands for his acknowledging your birthday, but I would also stop acknowledging his! And I would still want to know what happened to the money.

Pittapitta · 14/08/2020 16:23

What @ShirleyPhallus said.

What has happened to the rest of the £100?

Motoko · 14/08/2020 17:33

What has happened to the OP?

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