To shave my 3 year olds head?

[InTheFamilyTree]

My 3 year old daughter had lovely wavy blonde hair, but is the bane of my life atm. She hates having it washed so have to do it forceably every week, as nothing we've tried seems to help (shower head, cap etc).

It's now matted in loads of places, I brush every day but she hated that too so never manage to get the tangles out. Any advice? Or AIBU to just shave it off?

My dd has a lot of hair and likes it long. She went through a stage of not wanting her hair brushed properly and hated having it washed. I find the used a lot of conditioner - Elvive Extraordinary Oil conditioner plus matching shampoo and Aussie 3 miracle oil after washing. The miracle oil worked better for me than leave in conditioner. Can also be used on dry hair.

I found the tangle teaser useless as she has far too much hair and used a denman brush with hard, white bristles. Any tangles I would work through with my fingers then start brushing at the ends and work my way up.

Dd now does it and yanks the brush through.... good job her hair is very strong! Lol.

My life with my thick curly long haired toddlers is so much easier since I bought a kids tangle tease and anti tangle conditioning spray. I can't believe the difference. Zero tangles

My two year old has very curly hair and we rarely wash in, but instead rinse it thoroughly and apply loads of conditioner.

Then we don’t really brush it but instead run our fingers through it when still wet. Then it dries into curls. We occasionally snip out the odd matted bit.

Not sure about shaving it but once the mats are out - this is what I do with my dd fine wavy hair:

I don’t shampoo, only condition, wrap it in a towel until it’s damp and then I plait it until the morning. Don’t blow dry.

Then I use a tangle teaser brush every day.

Also when she started school I used the nitty gritty comb after the conditioner every single time and we’ve never had nits even though they have been rife at school.

The condition of her hair now is amazing and so much easier to brush - not so many tangles or massive knots either!

My DD(3) has proper ringlets, I feel your pain of the argument of washing and brushing! We brush twice daily to make sure it stays tangle free. I tie it up or plait it as often as she’ll let me. We used to use spray conditioner but have found the Garnier Hair Food an absolute god send! (My DD likes the banana flavour.) Great as a general use conditioner, 3 minute mask or even as a leave in.

So many people talking as though shaving was some kind of child abuse. Would you all be saying that if it were her son? We all scream equality and fight against gender stereo types but somehow a little girl's hair is sacred!

YABU.

Would you all be saying that if it were her son?

Yes I would say the same. It has nothing to do with boy or girl. Shaving because a parent won’t step up and sort out her child’s hair is an extreme solution. Sorry to crush your gender equality rant.

@NameChange84 I don’t think she’s talking about skinning it using clippers on young kids is fine. It might not suit now you expect a child to look but it’s not cruel.

I clippered my then 2 year old because he took the scissors to the front. True he’s a boy - but before the haircut he was regularly mistaken for a girl so I can’t say I was in any arsed about that.

If you revisit the idea of shaving it or clipping it really short, be sure to show her lots of photographs before, at 3, she might not realise how drastic a change it would be and will just focus of no more brushing and combing.
Even if she’s keen, I’d approach it in two stages, pixie cut first, wait a little before seeing if she still wants it shaved.

Reading this makes me so sad... “don’t make her an oddity”....”people will think she has cancer, how cruel”. I can think of a few things worse than strangers you will never know idly wondering if your child has cancer. You do know that children can actually get cancer? And die of it? Do you think they or their parents want to spend their precious remaining time worrying about what people think of their head? One of my DC is disabled. She is 3, just like the OPs DC, and - the horror - looks like an oddity. She always will, she has no choice. There are many horrible aspects to her condition, but the way strangers perceive her is one that can be changed. Please, please, challenge yourselves! Look beyond hair and skin and body shape and facial features and mobility aids and speech and gait and and and....... Different is OK, it is good! As more of us recognise that, life gets easier for those who are different.

OP - shave that little head if you want to

Have you tried the curly girl method? It works for wavy hair too.

My wavy hair got very tangled as a child and I hated having it brushed. The CGM has really helped my adult hair. Basically you ditch sulfates and silicones and wash the hair with conditioner or a gentle shampoo and condition thoroughly, leaving a bit of conditioner in. You can use curl creams/mousse/gel if liked. Only detangle (with fingers or a brush) the hair when it's wet and full of conditioner, not dry as it pulls waves and curls out which is painful, and probably why your DD doesn't like her hair being brushed. When I used to dry brush my hair my DH said it sounded painful, which it was!

alongcameacat shaving it IS sorting it out, in a quick & easy fashion. Sorry to crush your idea that it is lazy parenting.

The majority of respondents on this thread think that seeing a toddler with short hair is cruel, an oddity, means they have cancer (!) - but of course only if it's a girl...
How can that not be gender stereotyping?!

Ihaventgottimeforthis
It depends on what your idea of ‘sorting’ it out is really. Would you shave off every head of hair
that had headlice?

The only person gender stereotyping is you imo.

Nope. Not only if it’s a girl. It’s making any child an oddity, if either sex, as I’ve already said and it is abusive if the child did not ask for it or want it and it’s merely done because a parent (of either sex!) can’t be bothered to learn to comb it. If the kid wants it and fully understands what it will look like and is fully equipped to deal with being made to stand out at an age most toddlers have no filter then fine, go ahead. If you’d had to see and deal with what a 5 year old with Alopecia has had to endure from other people and children then maybe you wouldn’t be so quick to suggest this. Mumsnet really is a fucking alternate universe sometimes.

Lol at shaving a toddlers head as being abusive. Namechange84, sexist nonsense.

The are special brushes etc. for difficult hair. Most people know that. Do not shave her head - outrageous.

As for the comments that it would be ok for boys, I don’t agree - watch this video of Dillon Grims forcibly having his head shaved on the blog below. Hair is an integral part of our identity. He’s obviously older than 3 but look at the damage to his mental health. Sickening.
blog.thelonghairs.us/bullies-boys-with-long-hair/

Cut it really short. In this weather I’d reckon shaving the lot off and starting again would be more comfortable .

I lopped off all my toddlers hair a couple of days a go, a very short bob really suits her. Now to find a hair dresser to tidy it up.

My toddler had heat rash all down her back and neck and was also refusing to allow me to wash her hair or tie it up. I had enough.

Several parents in our school did a numer2 clip on their boys hair when we had a headline outbreak. I don't see the difference.

My dd has beautiful curly hair and it was tricky when she was young.

But the basic rules were never comb or brush when dry, avoid any shampoo or conditioner with silicone in as this built up in her hair over time and made it rough. Once her hair got long enough, plaited it for bedtime.

Her hair is now waist length, yes it needs more maintenance but it looks great.

My hair was cut short when I was 3-4 years old. I felt so embarrassed and upset and still remember it to this day!

Teach yourself how to manage curly/wavy hair and please reassess the language you use about her hair. "Bane of my life" is a term my mother used about my afro hair and I grew up detesting my hair and damaging it terribly with relaxing products. Curly hair, whatever length, is easy to maintain if you learn how.

Teach yourself how to manage curly/wavy hair and please reassess the language you use about her hair. "Bane of my life" is a term my mother used about my afro hair and I grew up detesting my hair and damaging it terribly with relaxing products. Curly hair, whatever length, is easy to maintain if you learn how

^this, I could have written this post.

We call my dd’s hair powerful, talk about how strong her curls are. Yes it takes time to comb but we make time and have fun with it.

I was very suprised to see the reaction on here to a girl having her hair shaved!

My dd has the same tangle! Wide tooth comb works a treat. Not nice but does the job. Detanglers are no use for this.