To be at my wits end with council

[orangesnapples]

Sorry this is going to be really long post, but trying not to drop feed. Can any body offer any advice or insight..
in a 2, bed 5th floor council flat with 4 children 21 year old girl, just back from uni and mostly sofa surfing, a 14 year old boy a 7 year old son with complex ASD and sensory processing disorder, along anxiety, PDA and self harm and a 4 year old daughter.
For the last several years my housing officer has told me I’m not entitled to a bigger home and to be great full that I have a roof over my head. My husband and I have made the most of our living space but during lockdown my 7 year old son started to really hurt his 4 year old sister, threatening to hurt her while sleeping then being so up set that his brain says does this stuff began to threaten to jump off the balcony or out the window. Big meltdowns, CAMHS refereed to SS who told me that the flats too small and no one will help me if I don’t help myself ! No one would believe my requests to go on the list was denied. So spoke to housing officer again and refused no for a answer and she said I wouldn’t be entitled any way as my 4 year old isn’t in the system 😩. ( my 14 year old was in hospital a few years with meningitis and my husband took our marriage certificate and daughters certificate while I sat with our son but they only have the marriage certificate!!! ) I emailed the certificate with in a hour of getting of the phone asked for her to confirm it’s on the system....3 weeks of no reply I email my situation, ASD son receiving weekly support from CAMHS (during the lockdown) and social services were checking on us weekly, who have stated that our problem is we need more space. Finally got a blank email as a reply. I replied that a blank email is not helpful and got a reply to say that I emailed the wrong person and they had forwarded it on ! Now I used the same email to housing officer I have used for the last 5 years. I got no reply
I made a housing application online myself and emailed the housing manager asking who and where are my daughters certificates she said she will look into it on the 7/7 and get back to me next week. ( the housing officer said we are currently not over crowded)
I have not heard from her since ! Iv sent 8 emails starting with please help, turning into .. how can you keep ignoring me, Iv made you aware of our situation and if my son falls from climbing/ meltdowns ( Iv had to restrain him on the balcony when he’s been threatening to jump, his MH team are aware and are very supportive, we have come along way in the last few weeks ) and I will hold the council fully responsible!
Still silence... so I made a complaint and told the manager will be in touch. I called my MP and she took a copy of all the mail threads and said she will be back in touch.
There was a fight in the communal garden and some one called me from housing asking me to be a witness and I said I can’t believe you have time for 2 old ladies fighting over garden chairs but have completely ignored my cry’s for help. The lady took my details and said she would look into it herself. This was Monday.
Great. Yesterday I popped out and when I got back my husband said the council were here with the police ! To discuss my emails ! That’s all they said they didn’t even leave a name. I just don’t understand why they would bring a policeman to my home unannounced. My 7 year old son is stressed because he thinks he’s done something wrong, they kept asking him if he was safe !! He’s 7 and doesn’t under stand when he’s happy never mind articulating previous emotions that scare him to a stranger on his door step ! My husband said they need to talk to me and they said they would email me and left.
So I don't even know who came !
I assume they turned up because of the jumping off the balcony but that was 4 weeks ago !!! We are all ready involved with all the agency's that can help.
And why a policeman what's a policeman going to do with a autistic child that was threatening to jump off a balcony a month ago !!
I'm at a lost and guess I need a good rant.
Oh I would like to say, that I'm not trying to be greedy, SS said I was entitled to a 4 bed but honestly I'd be happy with a extra cupboard under the stairs so my son could have some sensory time, and maybe a little bit of outdoor space, I love my little flat but the SS and CAMHS have been very clear. And have seen the emails and now know that it's not me for trying so there is at least that.

The police will be there because of the old ladies fighting!!!

You need to log a formal complaint with the housing association / council. Look online for their complaints procedure and follow it to the letter. Include names and dates of your requests and things you've submitted. Be sure to include the phrase formal complaint.

If after a week or two theyve not acknowledged the complaint, write to your MP who will then chase the HA/Council for a response.

In the meantime, is your rent account balance paid in full? Arrears may block any move?

They could claim the police need to be there as you have an "aggressive" child and the "tone" of your emails

Stupid question but is private an option for you

I know quite a few people with 4-6 children in two bed flats as there is no housing big enough to put them in. I am sure they want to help you, but they can't magic up space where the council doesn't own the property. Vote for councillors who want to buy/build more homes and vote Tory. I am really sorry for your situation, it sounds terrible, and I can hear how desperate you are.

That should read DON'T vote Tory!

could you try a mutual exchange?

You are definitely entitled to a 3 bed.. even says on every housing website out there so keep quoting those sites..

Even entitled to website will say same entitled to 3 bedrooms possibly even 4 if your 21 year old is going to be living with you

I am sure they want to help you, but they can't magic up space where the council doesn't own the property

They don't appear to want to help. They've not even added the correct documentation to her profile so that all 4 of her children are counted. And she asked them to do that weeks ago.

Email your MP
Cc the housing officer and head of the council in

The police will be there due to the comments re your son jumping off the balcony. There are rules in place now to involve police if communication indicates danger to life. I work in a bank, and if we receive a letter from a customer saying they are feeling depressed about financial issues, and they feel like jumping off a high bridge or some similar comment, we have to call the local police who will then make a visit to them to check on their welfare. I suspect the council have same regulation in place.

And make sure you do everything via e mail do you have a paper trail

Sounds like getting on the list is your biggest problem. If I were you I would start a complaint at stage 1 and escalate it up to the ombudsman service if you need to.
They cant just refuse to put you on the list they need to tell you why.

Will the 21 year old be included in your request for extra space as I would assume they may class her as an adult who should live independently, so they have no requirement to give you extra space for her? Not that I agree with that line of thought.

Yes... definitely email your MP.

You are definitely entitled to at least a 3 bed.

(I'm not sure if your 21 year old counts in the numbers)

Have they said WHY you aren't able to get in the bidding list for a 3 bed.

Finding one available is another story, but if you are at least in the list you have. Ire off a chance.

I must admit I am not to educated on the council house situation. But from speaking to friends in council accommodation they have found that if property's aren't available. They just aren't available.

One friend has 4 children also in a 2 bed flat, they have no where else to house her currently.

It sounds like a terrible situation you are in but the problem is there are so many families in the same situation. It’s ok everyone saying you are entitled to a 3 bed houses but the Council cannot give you what they physically haven’t got.

Housing in this Country is a joke and I don’t see it getting any better but I wish you luck and hope you get something sorted.

Hi op, can you visit the housing office and ask to speak to the manager, refuse to leave until your paper work is corrected.

Can you also consider moving areas once you are officially on the bidding list to widen your choice, it sounds very difficult to live like that.

Also follow up with your mp, make an appointment, less easy to ignore.

Write a chronology of events, emails telephone calls the councils response or lack of and present copies to all involved. It’s an easier way to show the history of your case.

Thank you for your replies. And il do my best to answer your questions.
Yes Iv made a formal complaint, and was told the Housing manager that has ignored me since July will be in touch !
I don't think it's the fighting neighbours as there were 8 other witnesses in the block and no one else had a visit.
I do get the welfare check due to me stating he's threatening to jump but am struggling to understand why they would turn up 4 weeks LATER and the emails are very clear with contact details of my sons CAMHs team and that they were supporting us.
So if that's the case it's send a bit late for that.
Non of my emails were aggressive, my last two emails were me saying
Just checking too see if you are still ignoring me

I know there is a big housing crisis and that's why we have made the best of our situation ( split rooms etc) but I just want to be in a list, I'm certainly not expecting a house handed to me any time soon, if it takes 8 years then it takes 8 years but I would like to be on a list.

My daughter is registered here but hardly stays and says she doesn't want to add to my problems and will sort her self out once she's working etc.
She's pretty much taken over my mums spare room and visiting friends from uni when my mum needs some space.

My son has just had to leave his lovely mainstream school and will be starting a private SEN school which the LA are paying for him to attend. He has gotten very lucky and I'm not sure how it works moving councils and who would fund his school etc.
He has very complex needs and was turned down by many of the SEN schools in the area, the new school is in the next bough.

The way you have been treated is horrendous. I feel really sorry for you. I say, to keep on hounding them until they help you. Dont give up what's best for your family. Is there no way at all, that your husband and yourself can provide a better and bigger home. You could be waiting a long time. I am sorry if that was rude, I didnt mean to be so hope it didnt come out that way. Currently, we are in a 2 bed with 4 children and am expecting my 5th. Council have refused to help. Have badgers them for years.but to no avail
They are total crap in my area, south England. We are moving now to our own place as this isnt ideal for us anymore. Council have said there are people worse off than us. And while I completely agree and respect that, my town is developing new housing all the time. Even now, in my estate there are new builds going up yet I'm not entitled even though we are overcrowded with opposite sex children all sharing one room. My eldest now sleeps in the lounge because hes almost 13 and cant share with a 2 yr old sis and a 6 year old sis. It is what it is. I gave up because I knew getting our own home would be better for us. We would only be entitled to a 3 bed and although i would be grateful for that , we need a 4 bed and so are going down a different route after trying years with the council. My husband works very hard to provide for us all and I have started working from home also to better our situation.

But please , your situation sounds dreadful and I feel so sad for your kids. Please keep on at the council and keep a log of everything.
Wishing you all the best and sending all my love x

Does the housing officer have a phone number? I'd be calling and emailing everyday. Speak to another if you can. You poor thing

With respect why have a 5 th child when you have a 2 bedroom house?

We would love to be able to get our own home, unfortunately due to my sons needs I'm only able to work part time and neither one of us were able to work during covid.
We are both self employed and only husband has only just been able to return to work, I have no idea if my industry will be operating any time soon.
And private rent here is horrendous, we would have to leave the area and then I don't know what would happen regarding my son and his schooling.

My last child was not planed, and if my sons needs were not as they are we would still be making it work as we have been doing for the last 4 years.

The housing officer is never at her desk when I call apparently

Is the housing office open? Can you physically go there?