To be at my wits end with council

[orangesnapples]

Sorry this is going to be really long post, but trying not to drop feed. Can any body offer any advice or insight..
in a 2, bed 5th floor council flat with 4 children 21 year old girl, just back from uni and mostly sofa surfing, a 14 year old boy a 7 year old son with complex ASD and sensory processing disorder, along anxiety, PDA and self harm and a 4 year old daughter.
For the last several years my housing officer has told me I’m not entitled to a bigger home and to be great full that I have a roof over my head. My husband and I have made the most of our living space but during lockdown my 7 year old son started to really hurt his 4 year old sister, threatening to hurt her while sleeping then being so up set that his brain says does this stuff began to threaten to jump off the balcony or out the window. Big meltdowns, CAMHS refereed to SS who told me that the flats too small and no one will help me if I don’t help myself ! No one would believe my requests to go on the list was denied. So spoke to housing officer again and refused no for a answer and she said I wouldn’t be entitled any way as my 4 year old isn’t in the system 😩. ( my 14 year old was in hospital a few years with meningitis and my husband took our marriage certificate and daughters certificate while I sat with our son but they only have the marriage certificate!!! ) I emailed the certificate with in a hour of getting of the phone asked for her to confirm it’s on the system....3 weeks of no reply I email my situation, ASD son receiving weekly support from CAMHS (during the lockdown) and social services were checking on us weekly, who have stated that our problem is we need more space. Finally got a blank email as a reply. I replied that a blank email is not helpful and got a reply to say that I emailed the wrong person and they had forwarded it on ! Now I used the same email to housing officer I have used for the last 5 years. I got no reply
I made a housing application online myself and emailed the housing manager asking who and where are my daughters certificates she said she will look into it on the 7/7 and get back to me next week. ( the housing officer said we are currently not over crowded)
I have not heard from her since ! Iv sent 8 emails starting with please help, turning into .. how can you keep ignoring me, Iv made you aware of our situation and if my son falls from climbing/ meltdowns ( Iv had to restrain him on the balcony when he’s been threatening to jump, his MH team are aware and are very supportive, we have come along way in the last few weeks ) and I will hold the council fully responsible!
Still silence... so I made a complaint and told the manager will be in touch. I called my MP and she took a copy of all the mail threads and said she will be back in touch.
There was a fight in the communal garden and some one called me from housing asking me to be a witness and I said I can’t believe you have time for 2 old ladies fighting over garden chairs but have completely ignored my cry’s for help. The lady took my details and said she would look into it herself. This was Monday.
Great. Yesterday I popped out and when I got back my husband said the council were here with the police ! To discuss my emails ! That’s all they said they didn’t even leave a name. I just don’t understand why they would bring a policeman to my home unannounced. My 7 year old son is stressed because he thinks he’s done something wrong, they kept asking him if he was safe !! He’s 7 and doesn’t under stand when he’s happy never mind articulating previous emotions that scare him to a stranger on his door step ! My husband said they need to talk to me and they said they would email me and left.
So I don't even know who came !
I assume they turned up because of the jumping off the balcony but that was 4 weeks ago !!! We are all ready involved with all the agency's that can help.
And why a policeman what's a policeman going to do with a autistic child that was threatening to jump off a balcony a month ago !!
I'm at a lost and guess I need a good rant.
Oh I would like to say, that I'm not trying to be greedy, SS said I was entitled to a 4 bed but honestly I'd be happy with a extra cupboard under the stairs so my son could have some sensory time, and maybe a little bit of outdoor space, I love my little flat but the SS and CAMHS have been very clear. And have seen the emails and now know that it's not me for trying so there is at least that.

Echoing what others have said re councillors and the councillir who has cabinet member responsibility for housing (that councillor operates across the borough in that role). Your MP was a good call. Try any local Citizen's Advice services. Your housing association will have a board of governors - write to the chair.

That housing officer needs a capability assessment!

Also please don't email and ring every day, as previously suggested. This could fall under harrassment / malicious communications and you could be banned.

Ime @JadesRollerDisco, social services are an ally in these situations, not an enemy. I've twice helped families get rehoused from dire situations when the alternative was the children being taken into care (three times, if I count the time I merely mentioned that if something wasn't done I'd have to raise a safeguarding).

@SummerWhisper, MPs are always a good call in housing matters, because they're one of the "designated" people who can get a case before the housing ombudsman.

Your ds should be entitled to a bedroom on his own as he is technically a danger to other children, his sensory difficulties as well. Have you a social worker? If not contact social services yourself, they can be very helpful.

Try contacting the shelter charity - they have specialist case workers that deal with unfair housing situations, aswell as MP as others have said.

Eight years?

Try about 18 and you'll be closer (and that was with OT involvement confirming the place was unsafe and unsuitable for adaptation).

You could potentially apply to the borough where your DS's new school is, which might increase your chances if they accept you have a tie to the area, but that's not guaranteed.

Otherwise, it's good luck with the self employment and hopefully you'll do well enough to be able to buy somewhere once you're down to only needing 2-3 bedrooms.

@LakieLady

I didn't say they are the enemy! I said that the Op needs to find a way to calm things down at home and get them to speak to the council on her behalf because things have got out of hand with them. Sorry if worded badly, but thats what I meant.

I don't think they are child snatchers, but I do think that if the Op continues like this with the council then things can blow up out of proportion. They've already sent the police round!

Also shelter and the MP would be good avenues to go down, as well as having Camhs etc. Environmental health. OT (the council have their own for housing issues where their are disabilities involved). GP even. Just get everyone writing letters!
I would pursue legal advice if you can, also. But don't expect quick fixes. You need to deal with the day to day circumstances while also doing what needs for the future. It's a balancing act

I have a social worker and a great CAMHS team and we have had great support and with new tweaks and strategies my sons behaviour is very calm at the moment.
But these issue will not go away as he gets older it's going to get harder.
Yes it was very hard a few weeks back but the social worker has done her assessment and is happy the situation is under control.

This rough patch came about because he had a lot of changes quickly.

I'm mostly upset about being so ignored and sending the police was to over them and totally inappropriate and not following their normal safe guarding procedure.
The social worker is ready to discharge us but is waiting to see the housing situation is going to get moving so that she can support.
I have already requested a OT assessment.

I'm not expecting anything special to happen but do not want to be ignored and to at least be on the list, even if that takes 18 years!

Mizik

We have OT involvement who are supportive. And have requested a home assessment.

I would be happy to apply to the next bough, I'm not sure how I would go about it but thanks will look into it.

My husband could go into a employed job it's really not going to make much difference to our income.
My work is something that I need a few hours a week. The only reason I can continue is because I'm my own boss, so I'm flexible for my son.

I work for a local authority and it has been a difficult time, we were sent home but there were not enough laptops for all staff to work from home initially (I use my own laptop at home). In my department of 4 we have a vacancy, one member of staff was shielded leaving my manager and me (I work 2 days a week). As a consequence of the situation we got quite a way behind with our work as did other departments, the situation has improved greatly recently, but offices are still not open to the public. I understand your situation is very frustrating and hope it is resolved quickly.