Is it ok to call a child 'dough nose'?

[doughnose]

All throughout my childhood and well into adulthood one of my parents has referred to me as 'dough nose', often with attendant grabbing of my nose.

It might sound mad but I always assumed it was my fault for having a big, fat nose.

But now I'm wondering if parent is BU?

@Griefmonster 'takes the Mick' may not be the best phrase to use when trying to counteract bullying.

Mumsymum the ironic thing is that I actually have a pointy and pretty small nose
That's a bit different as you don't have a doughy nose, I assumed you did.
Mine was freckles and annoying whinger now it is just frek.

@ifIwerenotanandroid

OP, it's interesting that they did it when you were trying to talk about something important to you. That's abusive parenting, in my view, & sounds like a deliberate attempt to close you down via humiliation.

My father used to say I had a 'big mouth'. He did it so often (he was a malignant narcissist) that it became part of my image of myself without me even realising it. As an adult, a dentist once told me it was difficult to work on me because I had such a small mouth. I was stunned, & realised what I'd held onto about myself, which was a complete lie.

Thank you, this is I think what's brought it on.

One of my DDs looks very like me and we were talking about the ways we look similar and different ((her eyes and hair are a different shade to mine but our bone structure is very similar).

She said 'but your nose is pointy' and I just had a real 'wtf moment' then looked at my nose properly for probably the first time in my life...and saw that it was.

It's not 'doughy' it never was. I was just told I was and somehow believed it.

Like I say parent has dementia now and tbh tries to sexually assault me most times I see them so it is the least of my worries. I was just shocked at how much of those nose insults I had internalised, how incongruent they were with how I look and then I guess got to wondering when the dementia really began.

Or was it Doe Nose? which is more endearing. We all fixate on our negatives and this could be one of those moments when our self dislike makes us think an otherwise innocent remark was sinister.

@doughnose That's awful re said parent I know dementia takes over. Giving your update I think counselling would help, this sexual behaviour is bringing up bad memories too.

@EBlyton

Or was it Doe Nose? which is more endearing. We all fixate on our negatives and this could be one of those moments when our self dislike makes us think an otherwise innocent remark was sinister.

It definitely was not doe nose

[quote Emeraldshamrock]@doughnose That's awful re said parent I know dementia takes over. Giving your update I think counselling would help, this sexual behaviour is bringing up bad memories too. [/quote]
Thank you, I'm already in counselling. Sort of hence why I asked - last session we discussed how the relationship had been growing up and tbh it was always like this. Being belittled and reduced to body parts. That's why I find the dementia bit confusing in a way, he's always grabbed my body and degraded me. Plus ca change.

If your nose is pointy and not squidgy then I would think it was just a random nickname. If they called you witchnose or something connected to its pointiness it would be purposefully unkind. Doughnose is funny though so probably just a term of endearment.

Dementia or not I think I'd walk away.

@HeadAndShoulders

"Take the mickey" may be an abbreviated form of the Cockney rhyming slang "take the Mickey Bliss",[7] a euphemism for "take the piss." It has also been suggested that "mickey" is a contraction of "micturition,"[5] in which case "take the micturition" would be a synonymous euphemism for "take the piss." The phrase has been noted since the 1930s.

Why is saying taking the Mick wrong?

OP, how strange that you had the same experience! It feels better to shrug off the old lies & great to be validated by someone's completely objective opinion, doesn't it? It did for me, anyway, plus a bit of anger at what was done.

I'm so sorry to hear about your current difficulties with your parent who has dementia. I'm guessing, but I think that the insults were too long ago to be explained by dementia.

I’m sorry this happened to you. It is really wrong to say things like that to a child. It was clearly not meant as a compliment and it makes it worse that he grabbed your nose while saying it too. If I ever heard my husband say anything like this to our child I would be furious and explain why it is insulting and disrespectful and why it must never happen again. Thank goodness you realise now that it wasn’t a true reflection on your appearance. You sound a lovely Mum!

Some parents do this sort of thing - more often dads than mums, for some reason. They are the same parents who will tease a child for their weight, perceived stupidity etc.

I think it's really nasty and causes kids to grow up with self esteem issues but I've heard so many parents do it over the years that I think a lot of people have grown up thinking it's normal to say such things to your children and will wave it off as "good natured ribbing" or a "funny nickname".

A nickname that makes fun or points to any part of a person's anatomy or their habits is rude. Same with a nickname that causes the person any kind of pain or embarrassment. So 'Fatty' (even if the person is 'skinny), 'Dough Nose', or the like is mean. My DH is very tall and can be self-conscious about it. Someone at work nicknamed him 'Tiny'. He was not amused.

My mother always taught us that making personal remarks of any kind was the hallmark of being ill-bred.

@HeadAndShoulders - oh it's a completely uncontroversial saying in my country. A more polite way to say "take the piss". Does it have an offensive origin?

Bizarre. But if u know you have a little lovely nose, no need to worry. Strange sense of humour perhaps? Still no excuse though.
My sister's DH once called my DD a fatso, she's absolutely tiny so it was obviously bollocks but was so shocked, just inappropriate.

This kind of thing happens in lots of families, as in odd and stupid names for family members. You have to accept these things,and not go in some tizzy about everything. People get offended by the most stupid things these days.

Maybe it started as a joke - eg you ask a big question or lots of questions and the parent didn't know the answer so they say "dough nose" and pinch your nose as a play on "don't know" (say it loud like "dun nose") and then it became a thing? It could have originally not been intended as a comment on your nose.

Lol I assume the person offended by ‘take the mick’ made the incorrect assumption that it was something to do with being Irish. It isn’t. Sometimes you really have to dig around to find something to be offended by. Which in the context of this thread with plenty of things to be offended by, is a bit bizarre.

If you nose isn't "doughy" then it seems along the lines of calling a very tall man Shorty or something like that.

It was horrible of them to belittle you in that way. Nicknames should be affectionate and fun. If the recipient of the nickname doesn't like it then it immediately stops otherwise it's simply bullying.
My 2 get called ratbag / scallywag /toerag interchangeably and they love it

It's the grabbing of your nose that troubles me. That's abusive. I'm sorry this was how they treated you OP

It's rather amazing how many people on AIBU seem to have a completely blurred sense of personal boundaries.

"oh, it's just a joke", "oh, everybody does it", "if you DID you have a big nose, then I don't see the problem", "if you did NOT have a big nose, then I don't see the problem"... No, you don't see the problem, because you are the problem.
Gaslighting, victim-blaming, abuser enablers.

Mumsymum the ironic thing is that I actually have a pointy and pretty small nose. I think you must be projecting

Then it's just a silly nickname. Dads in particular often have silly nicknames that might be hurtful, usually to girls. Did you ever say you were upset by it?

It's not cruel - misjudged, certainly, but probably not intended to cause hurt.

This forum sometimes waiting for the 'did he control you in other ways OP' comment next...

It's not cruel - misjudged, certainly, but probably not intended to cause hurt. Really? You have read all OP has written and come to the conclusion that her dad, who has always grabbed at her body, talked over her when she was being serious, set up a situation where she internalised his behaviours, experienced a form of body dismorphia and and is accessing therapy, was not being unkind in anyway!

Though you do accept that dad's are often hurtful to their daughters!

That's your norm!

And it's why you don't think it is controlling. You expect such behaviour.