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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to give my neighbours living room and kitchen a quick clean.

461 replies

Casschops · 11/08/2020 10:51

My lovely neighbours have gone away on their holidays they don't have much money although work reaaaaally hard and juggle their childcare of their 10 year old son. They have gone to stay in annex of their relations home so have an absolute minmum on their holiday, a friend even drove them their as they struggle with money so much. Im feeding their cat. I saw the man chucking their vacum cleaner in the bin the other week and he was laughing saying they can't afford a new one ATM. The cat has been sick on the floor and flicked cat litter everywhere which I have cleaned up but I can tell that for some weeks they have swept the carpet and floor and there is a thin layer of cat hair and bits in corner of the rooms. It lools like it needs a good vacum the cat has also been walking on woŕktops in the kitchen and there are footprints on things generally lookin a bit hairy and in need of a good wipe as are the windowledges where he sits.
Would they think it odd if I gave everything a wipe down in kitchen and living room as well as mopped the kitchen floor and vacuumed the carpet. I just want them to come home to a nice fresh house or is this intrusive? I am absolutely not looking for people's judgement about levels of tidiness but would it be nice to give things a quick once over or just too much? We say hi on the street and chat but have never socialized with them just to give an idea of our relationship.
Thanks for any input.

OP posts:
Wavescrashingonthebeach · 11/08/2020 15:04

Haven't RTFT but i would say a bit of a clean but not overboard would surely be appreciated. I would LOVE someone to hoover and wipe my surfaces but would be upset if they rearranged things, or cleaned in areas they shouldnt have been looking at (inside drawers or wardrobes etc)

silverPersephone · 11/08/2020 15:04

I would and if they say anything say you cleared up cat made mess, I think is very kind of you and not intrusive given they have asked you to feed and look after cat.
Go with your gut instinct you know them we don't 💐

DelilahfromDevon · 11/08/2020 15:05

As someone above said, you could say the cat was sick and had flicked some food so you cleaned it up as you didn't want the place to smell when they got home, and hope that's ok.

You could probably clean the layer of dust but don't mention it explicitly. There's a fine line between offending someone and someone being grateful that they've not had to come home to the smell of cat vomit.

ConquestEmpireHungerPlague · 11/08/2020 15:11

All the people I have noticed saying don't do it all have anecdotes of people coming in and doing unnecessary and unwanted cleaning/organizing without warning or asking. That is not what the OP is trying to do.

But if that's how the NDN would see it, then that's exactly what she will have done, isn't it? What analysing the responses on this thread really tells us is that people who have had this happen are more likely to recognise its intrusiveness than people who are looking at the question hypothetically. The reality is that when a person you asked to feed your cat gets the cleaning materials out, most people feel upset. Since the OP is trying to avoid exactly this scenario, it makes sense to recognise that, not try to pretend that "this would be different".

SheSaidNoFuckThat · 11/08/2020 15:13

All those saying to leave a note/text her, if you genuinely had dropped cat litter or the cat had puked, you'd just clean it up and get on with it. Personally I think leaving a note is making more of an issue of it

LightgreenBanana · 11/08/2020 15:15

I would do it, just say the cat had made a mess, you can hardly leave half of it vacuumed.
I think it’s very nice of you .
Give them some flowers too, if your feeling generous.
You can just say the cat made a mess being sick and poop, and you cleaned up

LightgreenBanana · 11/08/2020 15:16

Honestly I wouldn’t mind. Come clean my house 😂😂

LightgreenBanana · 11/08/2020 15:17

Chances are she won’t even notice 😇

GisAFag · 11/08/2020 15:19

They sound lazy. Just because you don't have much money doesn't mean you can't clean. Leave them to it. It's their lifestyle and you should not judge them

TheFormerPorpentinaScamander · 11/08/2020 15:21

@userxx

You are clearly not my former neighbour! They had everything ready the night before then when her OH and children were sitting in the car she went back in, dusted and hoovered the whole house!!!

I'll be like that when i grow up, all organised and in control.

Me too!

How old is 'grown up?' Its more than 35 right? shoves mess into understairs cupboard

Northernsoullover · 11/08/2020 15:22

I don't have a cat but I have an imaginary one that you can come and look after (cleaning stuff is under the sink) cheers!

userxx · 11/08/2020 15:26

How old is 'grown up?' Its more than 35 right?

Hell yes!!! I'm 45 next birthday and still have a lot of growing up before I get to organised lady status ;)

TheFormerPorpentinaScamander · 11/08/2020 15:30

@userxx

How old is 'grown up?' Its more than 35 right?

Hell yes!!! I'm 45 next birthday and still have a lot of growing up before I get to organised lady status ;)

Phew. I've got at least 10 years to go.
When I'm grown up I'll be tall, thin and organised Grin
Sunrise234 · 11/08/2020 15:35

Do not do it!

They will be so offended. I am a single parent and my home isn’t spotless as I work full time too but I would be mortified if someone cleaned it! I would think they were judging me!

Honesty you can get second hand hoovers quite cheap so it’s not like they’re never going to be able to get one. And with both of them working they shouldn’t be struggling with money as much as it sounds.

FlamingGalar · 11/08/2020 15:57

Do those who would be offended by this really think someone would take time out of their life’s to wipe down a few surfaces and Hoover a carpet because they were being judgy, or is it more likely because someone is trying to be kind and helpful? Far less stressful to try and see the kindness behind someone’s actions rather than taking it as a personal slight surely?!

I’m flabbergasted that some people on this thread have actually cut people off for trying to do something nice for them.

Happymum12345 · 11/08/2020 15:57

What a lovely thing to do. If it was my house, I’d love you to do this.

Sunrise234 · 11/08/2020 16:03

Do those who would be offended by this really think someone would take time out of their life’s to wipe down a few surfaces and Hoover a carpet because they were being judgy, or is it more likely because someone is trying to be kind and helpful? Far less stressful to try and see the kindness behind someone’s actions rather than taking it as a personal slight surely?!

If the home was clean and tidy there would be no reason for OP to clean it.
Therefore if she does clean it it’s because she believes it’s not clean/tidy.
So yes I would find that offensive because someone is thinking my house is not clean/tidy and wants me to know about it.

RyanBergarasTeeth · 11/08/2020 16:07

I would clean it. I used to babysit all through my teens and i always tidied up, did any dishes i found put stuff away and every single parent over the years was always really thrilled to come home to clean and tidy space i used to say i just did a quick tidy once the kids were asleep. Its not like your rifling through their nicker drawer or silverware cabinets.

RyanBergarasTeeth · 11/08/2020 16:08

If the home was clean and tidy there would be no reason for OP to clean it.
Therefore if she does clean it it’s because she believes it’s not clean/tidy.
So yes I would find that offensive because someone is thinking my house is not clean/tidy and wants me to know about it.

Orrrr how about dust gathers when you have been on holiday for days and cats kick litter and sick everywhere making a mess whilst you are on holiday? Not everything is a judgement.

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 11/08/2020 16:11

If the home was clean and tidy there would be no reason for OP to clean it.
Therefore if she does clean it it’s because she believes it’s not clean/tidy.
So yes I would find that offensive because someone is thinking my house is not clean/tidy and wants me to know about it.

That is utterly bizarre logic. Do you second guess and assume someone has a negative reason for everything? How about, the tidier thought it would be lovely for person to come home to a nice fresh house, and thought it would be a nice thing to do to help out as maybe that person had a lot on their plate?

GetUpAgain · 11/08/2020 16:12

I think hoovering downstairs and wiping the kitchen sides, is very thoughtful. I wouldn't move any items or go into any rooms with closed doors though.

Still1nLove · 11/08/2020 16:13

I would be delighted to come home to a clean house. Maybe text them to say that you’re running a hoover around as the cat made a mess”

latticechaos · 11/08/2020 16:17

@FlamingGalar

Do those who would be offended by this really think someone would take time out of their life’s to wipe down a few surfaces and Hoover a carpet because they were being judgy, or is it more likely because someone is trying to be kind and helpful? Far less stressful to try and see the kindness behind someone’s actions rather than taking it as a personal slight surely?!

I’m flabbergasted that some people on this thread have actually cut people off for trying to do something nice for them.

It's just boundaries, different people are different. So tread carefully is all I'm saying.

The person who did it to me, we're still friends, I just don't have her in my house because it was quite weird.

I just think clean your own cooker if you're so bored! I like to do my own stuff in my own house.

Sunrise234 · 11/08/2020 16:18

We say hi on the street and chat but have never socialized with them just to give an idea of our relationship.

If it was friends or family then I wouldn’t be so bothered but the op has said they’re not so yes I would find it offensive and judgey.

If you want to be nice get a second hand hoover and say your friend was getting rid of it.

HeronLanyon · 11/08/2020 16:20

I know people who would be highly embarrassed which might well be experienced as being offended.
It is a passive comment that their house needed cleaning.
I am pretty tidy and clean. If I came back to cat sitter having cleaned I think I’d feel a bit Oo er why did she think that was needed. But if I were dirty/chaotic I’d be embarrassed.

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