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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to give my neighbours living room and kitchen a quick clean.

461 replies

Casschops · 11/08/2020 10:51

My lovely neighbours have gone away on their holidays they don't have much money although work reaaaaally hard and juggle their childcare of their 10 year old son. They have gone to stay in annex of their relations home so have an absolute minmum on their holiday, a friend even drove them their as they struggle with money so much. Im feeding their cat. I saw the man chucking their vacum cleaner in the bin the other week and he was laughing saying they can't afford a new one ATM. The cat has been sick on the floor and flicked cat litter everywhere which I have cleaned up but I can tell that for some weeks they have swept the carpet and floor and there is a thin layer of cat hair and bits in corner of the rooms. It lools like it needs a good vacum the cat has also been walking on woŕktops in the kitchen and there are footprints on things generally lookin a bit hairy and in need of a good wipe as are the windowledges where he sits.
Would they think it odd if I gave everything a wipe down in kitchen and living room as well as mopped the kitchen floor and vacuumed the carpet. I just want them to come home to a nice fresh house or is this intrusive? I am absolutely not looking for people's judgement about levels of tidiness but would it be nice to give things a quick once over or just too much? We say hi on the street and chat but have never socialized with them just to give an idea of our relationship.
Thanks for any input.

OP posts:
Anele22 · 13/08/2020 17:31

No way should you clean their house. It's incredibly rude.

Arkenfield3001 · 13/08/2020 17:41

@hammeringinmyhead

No in an ideal world it’s a team effort between Mum, Dad and any children old enough to help but depression relating to housework not done tends to affect Mum more than the rest of the household! I’m (perhaps wrongly) speculating that as it has been left outstanding Dad & 10 year old aren’t lifting much of a finger ... !

Who knows ! Either way I think it’s jolly nice of the kindly neighbour to step in and help :)

Arkenfield3001 · 13/08/2020 17:42

@eatsleepread

That’s a wonderful idea ! :)

2teenagegirls · 13/08/2020 22:24

Difficult to know how they would react but i think it would be nice. Do it, don't mention it and don't wait for thanks or a mention (that's not why you're doing it!) If they do ask, you have the cat being sick as a good reason to have brought the vacuum over. They clearly trust you as they gave u a key and asked you to feed the cat.

SoupDragon · 13/08/2020 23:35

[quote Arkenfield3001]@eatsleepread

That’s a wonderful idea ! :)[/quote]
It's a wonderful idea if you want them to feel like a charity case, yes.

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 14/08/2020 00:31

Not necessarily- "You mentioned your hoover broke and my mate was getting rid of one so i thought id see if you liked it before she gave it away on freecyle" i know its a little diplomatic with the truth, but well intentioned...

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 14/08/2020 00:33

Id love someone to donate me a hoover btw mine is fucked Grin

Maverickallthetime · 14/08/2020 01:05

@WalkingCarpet was an animal sick? I really can't see how cleaning up after a sick animal would leave anyone devastated! Who would want to return to that!

melj1213 · 14/08/2020 03:01

I’m (perhaps wrongly) speculating that as it has been left outstanding Dad & 10 year old aren’t lifting much of a finger ... !

You're very much speculating since the OP has said nothing about her neighbours to support your conclusions - how have you decided that the dad and 10yo do nothing and the mum does it all or in fact that anyone is depressed about the cleaning in the first place?

The dad is the one the OP saw chucking away the broken hoover so how do we know he's not the one who does all the cleaning?

Oysterbabe · 14/08/2020 07:23

I don't think anyone is suggesting not cleaning up sick and scattered litter. It's different from general cleaning.

You might offend if you do it and you won't if you don't, so I wouldn't do it.

HeronLanyon · 14/08/2020 07:34

Absolutely do clean up any cat sick or litter spills etc.

I would not then dream of doing more.
There‘S no need to say what a lovely thought and how lovely of you - that goes without saying. It’s also besides the point.

The neighbours are the people whose reaction needs to determine this. If there is a remote possibility they will be ashamed or embarrassed that someone not even a close friend thought they needed to clean their house or parts of it the you mustn’t do it.

I’m one who would not dream of cleaning someone else’s house (other than what was needed due to the cat). It would be great if they loved it but the chance of them being really ashamed/embarrassed is too high and wholly understandable.
I would also very likely simply give them a Hoover saying I had it spare (in fact in my case it would be believable as have had some bereavement house clearing recently).

Joodleoodle · 14/08/2020 11:03

I would be grateful. It's not spring cleaning the house and throwing out stuff, it's wiping down the kitchen and hoovering the living room. Blame the cat making a mess with the litter tray and paw prints if you feel they would be offended. It would be nicer to come in to a tidy house after a holiday.

kiss16 · 14/08/2020 12:21

I see no harm in doing it...it's going to be a big help for the mom, don't expect anything in return. God will bless you.

WalkingCarpet · 14/08/2020 15:07

They were so ashamed that I saw the place as worthy of a tidying. The carpet was thick with cat hair that they cannot have noticed.

HeronLanyon · 14/08/2020 16:13

I’m astounded that those at the receiving end of this ´largesse’ are expected to be happy and grateful by so many on this thread ! (Cleaning up any cat mess aside - obvs you’ll do that).

I once washed dishes at my sil (not someone I hardly know). I scrubbed down the sink and draining board because they’re ere grotty. She was ostensibly grateful but I realised later she was offended. I wished I hadn’t and understood it to be poor judgment on my part.

sunglassesonthetable · 14/08/2020 16:14

Do it! Don't go too far ( sure you wouldn't)
Don't mention it. If they ask cat litter/sick/ footprints blah blah blah

It's lovely coming home to a clean house.

hammeringinmyhead · 14/08/2020 19:31

@kiss16

I see no harm in doing it...it's going to be a big help for the mom, don't expect anything in return. God will bless you.
And again! For the love of all that is holy, WHY is this a favour for the female half of a working couple? I despair.
kiss16 · 14/08/2020 21:06

@hammeringinmyhead first of all am not a holy person and in MOST cases women are the ones that try and keep the house clean, am not saying that men are not cause I know of those that are extremely clean.

hammeringinmyhead · 14/08/2020 21:20

I despair. I really do.

hammeringinmyhead · 14/08/2020 21:23

You were implying it is her job. As was the other poster literally one page ago.

Ostagazuzulum · 14/08/2020 22:22

I think it'd be lovely for you to do that.
I remember when me and hubby were friends, years before we got together and him telling me his then girlfriend had gone nuts because his mum had gone round their house whilst they were on hols and cleaned house for them. As much as I can't be doing with my MIL, (another thread entirely) I was pretty disappointed when we went on our first holiday together, she'd been round daily to feed cats and not cleaned anything! Grin as long as you're not poking round or going in bedroom (which you clearly aren't) I think it'd be lovely gesture to do. I'd bloody love to come home from Hols and find house lovely and clean.

bemusedmoose · 14/08/2020 23:14

i did a house sit and i made it look nice for when they came home - they were really pleased it looked so nice and made them feel all fresh (they emailed me to say thanks) i didnt do loads but i hate coming home to a mess (yet i often do!) just say it was so hot the cat was sick everywhere and was shedding fur like mad because of the heat so you took care of it for them.

cheeseychovolate · 15/08/2020 19:33

Did you do the tidying up and if so what did your neighbours say?

Casschops · 16/08/2020 19:36

Well they are home! I've been watching this thread too and am amazed at how the lady is depressed and the dad and son do nothing even that wasn't in my OP, also people seem to be under the impression that I was doing a deep clean. No I took my own Hoover round a couple days ago so it didn't look too hovered when they got back, hoovered the cat litter from floor and cleaned to vomit from the carpet. Wiped where that cat had been walking too then have everything a sweep yesterday so it looked neat. At no point were ornaments moved or beds changed, I didn't even go upstairs. The family certainly are not scruffy and the house was clean when I first came in but got progressively worse over the days with the cat. It was just a bit hairy due to no hoover. I didn't mention anything about cleaning or leave a note as I certainly don't want her to think that I think badly of them and I am not after feeling all virtuous. It just looked like she had left it really. I couldn't leave meaty cat vom on the carpet and hairy work tops to come home to. It's made me laugh how people have made their own stories up. I'll ask in a few days if they want to borrow my hoover due to me seeing husband throwing theirs out. They had a lovely time and have been treated by their family, which is only what they deserve as they are good eggs.

OP posts:
Bargebill19 · 16/08/2020 19:50

Yay! You are one lovely neighbour.