AIBU to argue that getting an ADHD diagnoses as an adult is relatively useless?

[Supsista]

If you generally have your shit together, that is, and copes up to this point?

In a nutshell my excuses for my middle sons presentation and behaviour have run out (he's fine! I was just like that. It's ok, I did that too! He'll be fine when he's an adult! It's normal, I struggled with that too!) and the school pushed for an ADHD screening. I laughed it off, and humoured them as I took the 3 page questionnaire off them.

My heart fell through my arsehole when I answered "very often" for nearly every question. My poor kid.

Anyway, here we are CHAMS called, they want to see him ASAP but coronavirus means waiting longer etc.

I've realised that there's a strong possibility I too have ADHD and it explains a lot. Severe OCD as a child and more.

But I can't see what benefit it would be to get a diagnoses for me. I'd pay for a label and what? Nothing much more.

I failed at school, left, did drugs, got wasted, grew up and got two degrees. Life with me isn't easy but it's ok.

So other than a label, I argue that it's pointless to get a diagnoses as an adult and further to this CAHMS told me that a private screening is more likely to show up an ADHD (or other) diagnoses than one via the NHS (I won't waste NHS resources on myself).
So in other words, a fat waste of money just to confirm my own personal epiphany.

I realise this sounds a very self indulgent post but I figured there may be many people out there who have have been in the same position as me and experienced the very same epiphany...

I've had a strange life too. I've 'coped' but I can't help but feel if I was medicated everything would be better.

My mum tried to get me a diagnosis in the early 90s but it wasn't a thing then esp in girls. So it was just left and never mentioned again. But always been different.

I'm considering getting a proper diagnosis for myself in order to try meds (I'm mid 30s now)

But I just don't know if it is worth it, worth the money and the faff of it. I don't know.

I am not one for labels, there's a limited time and place for them - school and work support are the two reasons I will justify them.

If you work then I would get the assessment. You never know when you may be in a position where disclosing a diagnosis could be important in the work place.

One of DH relatives for diagnosed with ADHD in his 50s and it’s changed his life immeasurably for your better. He said it’s like all the chatter has gone and he can focus for the first time. He’s hugely successful in his career, had a fantastic life, nothing was missing. I can’t remember how he came to be diagnosed now. But he’s on some sort of medication and he’s so so grateful he now feels different in himself, I think he said he fitted himself better now and things seem calmer and easier.

@AnneLovesGilbert that's amazing!
I am succeeding quite well in regards to education and career and I definitely wouldn't consider medication.

In fact while I'm here, if anyone knows about a good book to manage things as an adult with ADHD that would be helpful.

YABU.

A diagnosis, label if you like, means that at least if there is some impact in the work place, reasonable adjustments have to be made.

I cope. Just. I have made efforts over the last year to seek my own diagnosis for understanding. I have been told adhd is highly likely.

I don't want to excuse my past behaviour but it has made sense when I have struggled with some aspects. I don't want to be labelled as lazy just because I have issues prioritising things or go off in a tangent.

You've kind of answered your own question by saying you found it normal but struggled too. Why should anyone struggle if they don't have to?

I was diagnosed at 35 and it was life changing.

I "coped" but I never thrived the way I have since my diagnoses.

The medication has been extremely helpful. I'm excelling at work, where previously I struggled. And now that we know why I am the way I am it's helped in my communication with DH. I'm so glad I was diagnosed.

I realised a couple of years ago that I probably have ADD after a friend said he’d been diagnosed and I googled the symptoms and it just seemed to explain so much about my life thus far. I did mention it to my GP and she actually said she saw little point in my getting a label at my time of life (late 50s). It did impact my work.

It depends, my sister was diagnosed in her 30s, it helped her come to terms with many things, and also the medication helps her immeasurably. It would have been infinitely more useful to have been assessed whilst at school though, rather than just labelled as difficult and struggling through that as well as puberty etc.

I wish my partner would get a diagnosis, its hard watching him struggle and not being able to do anything. His father insisted he was fine when younger even though the school thought differently and I think that plays a big part in his unwillingness to seek help now.

It depends i think on whether or not you feel you'd like anything to change. If you're struggling, then a diagnosis is the first step towards treatment/medication which could make a huge difference. If you're happy with how you are now, then a diagnosis is much of a muchness.

I was diagnosed along with Autism at 48. It did help me and I tell other people too. I have found that it makes other people more willing to help me, extra reminders for meetings etc.
I had learned to self manage a lot before that, I'm hyper organised, even to the point whereby I have back up plans in case things go awry.
The Timo app looks quite good and there are other apps too.
Oh, I also say things out loud to myself, seems to help: eg. Keys are on the sideboard, I've put post on the bench.

Medication hasn't made a huge difference for me but the confirmation that I'm "not lazy, stupid or crazy" (to borrow the title of a book) was fantastic. And for some reason completely different pre and post actual diagnosis compared with just being fairly sure that is what was "wrong" with me.

Diagnosis didn't cost me anything. What about going on a waiting list if you don't feel it's urgent for you? If there are no adult adhd practitioners in your area you can ask for an out of area referral.

You don't lose anything by h having the paperwork and if you need it later you won't have to wait.

Russell Barkley is my hero but his book is quite medication focused.

I think it can be useful.

The right medication can be helpful.

Understanding and accepting a diagnosis, and using specific strategies can help (and a diagnosis can be a gateway to that).

Declaring your diagnosis at work can protect you against discrimination (I’m not saying that’s true for everyone!).

I’m pretty sure I’ve got ADHD. My DS was diagnosed at 5 (now a teen) and I pretty much recognised I had it too then. I haven’t pursued a diagnosis because I use the ADHD-specific strategies to manage myself and that does help and has worked for me over the last few years. I’m now considering getting a diagnosis privately when I can afford it, though, so I can look in to medication options. Some of my worst symptoms gave really flared up this year - mainly my very poor executive functioning and inability to concentrate - so I’m wondering if meds might be the next step.

Can I ask how medication helped those who used it?
It seems from what I've read it really helps people at work.

I have a very ' on the go' job, and don't really struggle there I don't think.

What sort of things are you struggling most with? Organizing Solutions for People with ADHD by Susan C Pinsky is great for solutions to organising the house.

The Youtube channel how to ADHD is also really good.

ADHDer here. Please realise that it is not just some silly label - it is an actual physical difference in the brain that can be seen on brain scans. People have it in varying degrees - you lucky that you are coping as well as you are. Not everyone does.

Your son is so lucky to have been diagnosed early! So many people - women in particular, slip through the cracks.

Podcasts that are so helpful: ADHD Rewired, Hacking Your ADHD, ADHD Essentials (addresses parenting). ADHD Rewired saved my sanity. There are a number of facebook groups as well but most of them were filled with moaners and I got weary of blocking people

You do what's right for you.
For some people it helps (access to medications, protected status in law, etc.), but it's completely up to you.

A friend of mine has been diagnosed in his 30s and has found it helpful. I’m a teacher and I think I’d planted the seed in our 20s as I recognised many of the traits in him.

He’s always ‘coped’, been academically successful and had good career so in theory could have long continued without a diagnosis but he was worried he was reaching the ceiling of his capabilities at work. He was worried that his struggles with focus were going to start impacting more as he responsibilities grew more complex. He’s now medicated which he finds helpful. I’m sure if he was in school now, rather than in the 90s/early 00s he’d have been picked up for an assessment.

ExH was diagnosed with ADD as an adult. He had managed well, just always had to work a bit harder to achieve the same. The medication allowed him a far greater focus and made large projects (he worked in comercial construction) easier to handle. It was over all a definite positive for him. It did also fuck up his income and health insurances though, I think he had to stop taking it in the end because it drove the premiums up so much. So watch out for that.

So other than a label, I argue that it's pointless to get a diagnoses as an adult and further to this CAHMS told me that a private screening is more likely to show up an ADHD (or other) diagnoses than one via the NHS (I won't waste NHS resources on myself).

Yeah, they would, wouldn't they? CAMHS is no longer fit for purpose. They completely failed my child with autism, ADHD and OCD. It nearly cost me my life - I was beyond idealising suicide and well into the planning stages due to his untreated conditions combined with the death of one our children a few years before. Two doctors and three social workers and everyone who worked with him all saw a young person with out-of-control OCD but none could do a thing for him as we had to go through CAMHS and wait months and months.

Luckily we were able to access private care. He's a changed person. Medication helped him get his life back. And mine.

It's well worth getting a diagnosis. Private doctors are NHS doctors, but CAMHS doesn't want that to come out, do they?

You do what's right for you but I know personally that diagnosis and medication made all the difference in the world for us.

This is really interesting. I've recently been looking at sites and articles about Aspergers and ADD. I believe I have limbic add and possibly just on the spectrum for Aspergers. But I wasn't t going to do anything about it except read things that might help me form friendships so I'm not so lonely. I didn't realise adults did go and get diagnosed.

If you get a diagnosis you then can learn coping techniques appropriate to your condition which will make your life better.

If you have the time and money to get diagnosed why wouldn’t you? Is there something you’re worried about like a fear of being labelled etc?

@uniglowooljumper that's interesting and depressing to read.
CAHMS told me it was because a GP wouldn't prescribe anything with a private diagnoses.
They would want a diagnoses through CAHMS before they would prescribe.

What did you find with that?

Is there something you’re worried about like a fear of being labelled etc?

Nothing beyond simply wasting my money.

My eldest son was diagnosed with Tourette's syndrome. Took us a year to get that diagnoses.
It didn't help even 1%. It was basically a massive waste of time and resources.

So much so, I haven't bothered to get my middle son diagnosed despite him suffering the exact same way.
And now I have found out it's related to ADHD.

My point being, for me personally I don't want a repeat of last time.
I don't feel like that with my son because he definitely doesn't cope as well as me.

If I did want help, I guess it would be for my absolute hatred and inability to cope with certain noises. My impatience, the fact that I drink wine to wind down and to reward myself. Anxiety.

But a lot of that I use citalopram to help.