AIBU to argue that getting an ADHD diagnoses as an adult is relatively useless?

[Supsista]

If you generally have your shit together, that is, and copes up to this point?

In a nutshell my excuses for my middle sons presentation and behaviour have run out (he's fine! I was just like that. It's ok, I did that too! He'll be fine when he's an adult! It's normal, I struggled with that too!) and the school pushed for an ADHD screening. I laughed it off, and humoured them as I took the 3 page questionnaire off them.

My heart fell through my arsehole when I answered "very often" for nearly every question. My poor kid.

Anyway, here we are CHAMS called, they want to see him ASAP but coronavirus means waiting longer etc.

I've realised that there's a strong possibility I too have ADHD and it explains a lot. Severe OCD as a child and more.

But I can't see what benefit it would be to get a diagnoses for me. I'd pay for a label and what? Nothing much more.

I failed at school, left, did drugs, got wasted, grew up and got two degrees. Life with me isn't easy but it's ok.

So other than a label, I argue that it's pointless to get a diagnoses as an adult and further to this CAHMS told me that a private screening is more likely to show up an ADHD (or other) diagnoses than one via the NHS (I won't waste NHS resources on myself).
So in other words, a fat waste of money just to confirm my own personal epiphany.

I realise this sounds a very self indulgent post but I figured there may be many people out there who have have been in the same position as me and experienced the very same epiphany...

I think if it’s not impacting your life then why bother except out of mere curiosity. I suspect I’m on the autistic spectrum somewhere, but I actually very much like me, I like being different, I like viewing the world a different way, I don’t see the point in trying to make me like everyone else, there’s enough of everyone else, only one of me!

Unless you’re not coping, and it sounds like you’re doing very well thank you very much then what’s the point, you’ll only get stuck with a label, with people going - ooh you’re one of us or, really? Well aren’t you doing well condescending remarks. The extra struggles you may have faced have made you who you are today.

Also seriously consider any “help” you’re offered in relation to your son, think about exactly who it is designed to help.

Interested to see this thread as I am in this very position. My teenage son was diagnosed with ASD in 2019 (two and a half years after referral to CAMHS) and ADHD yesterday (privately, CAMHS had previously said they were sure he had it but there was another two and half year wait for an official assessment). He started his meds today.

In the last few years I have read up so much about the conditions and realised that I present very much the female symptoms of ASD and also ADD without the H!

I've started wondering about getting a diagnosis, particularly for the ADD as there are medical treatments which might help.

But on the other hand I am a high achiever and successful in an "obvious" way. I'm a partner in a law firm, happily married with two children, have a lovely house, savings etc.

BUT I do really struggle with focus. My working day takes soooooo long because I procrastinate or daydream because I feel overwhelmed by all I have to do. Once I switch on to a task I am well away though (luckily love my job) or if I have a deadline the panic and adrenaline makes me switch up a gear. My boss thinks I'm amazing and hard working because I get it all done. But with all the faffing and daydreaming it takes me so long - in lockdown I have been on and off working from 6.30-9pm on many occasions- and i feel exhausted and resentful and cross with myself by the time I stop! This is just about every single day!

I was the same at school/uni. Would daydream and waste time, then suddenly switch on when I had an exam or essay deadline. I have always felt I was capable of doing much better than I did.

So I do wonder if meds (on working days only) might help if I was formally diagnosed.

"I think if it’s not impacting your life then why bother except out of mere curiosity."

You don't really know how badly it is impacting your life until you treat it.

Even if your diagnosis doesn’t bring about a direct change in behaviour, like with your son’s Tourette’s, it can be helpful to know that certain behaviours are due to a medical condition which can be managed but not changed. It can help you choose your battles, be a little kinder to yourself and be more assertive when advocating for your needs, for example if you need to wear noise cancelling headphones in certain environments. All that might help with the anxiety.

[quote Supsista]@uniglowooljumper that's interesting and depressing to read.
CAHMS told me it was because a GP wouldn't prescribe anything with a private diagnoses.
They would want a diagnoses through CAHMS before they would prescribe.

What did you find with that?[/quote]
The GP cannot prescribe certain medications is why; they have to be prescribed by a consultant. CAMHS restricts access to consultants unless they deem it necessary and you go through their channels to get to one, which may be months and months or longer depending on your area and their waiting lists.

Our GP is highly supportive of my son's care, his psychiatrist is also an NHS doctor, she prescribes his meds because by law only a consultant can prescribe those medications, which the GP is fine with, our practice shares information with him and our son's records are updated in the NHS system as well.

There are some who have positive experiences with CAMHS, but they're likely in the minority if our experience (and those of countless others we met on the path, and people on here) is anything to go by.

FWIW, a GP can refer you to a private physician and some practices don't require even that.

My son was diagnosed by medical doctors abroad with ADHD and all the medical professionals here who care for him agree and are fine with this diagnosis (his autism was diagnosed by the NHS years before and his OCD was well-known to his GP, another doctor and 3 social workers but their hands were tied by CAMHS, none could prescribe the drugs he needed to try to help him, only a consultant could do that and the list to get to one was long).

I've found this a useful tool to explain why it's such a relief to get a diagnosis although this is for autism not adhd.

We’ve often thought this about getting a diagnosis for DS, he’s asd and almost certainly adhd but there was absolutely no help when we got our ADHD diagnosis so I’m not sure if to bother

ASD DIAGNOSIS not adhd. Wish there was an edit button dammit

@Sorryusernamealreadyexists

We’ve often thought this about getting a diagnosis for DS, he’s asd and almost certainly adhd but there was absolutely no help when we got our ADHD diagnosis so I’m not sure if to bother

My son is the same. If you can, go private. My son's medication has made the world of difference.

I had an adult diagnosis of ASD when I reached the "ceiling of capability" (thanks Scubalubs for that term!)

I knew I was beginning to go under. The diagnosis made a huge difference to me - instead of being 'just about coping' with undiagnosed ASD and beating myself up for being inadequate, I made some major changes to my career path and life and I am now incredibly happy.

I suspect I may also have ADHD as I began reading Additude for their posts on ASD, and found that 'inattentive ADHD' is a thing - I'm not hyperactive and I thought hyperactivity was a key component. I really struggle with executive function and attention but that may just be part of my ASD rather than anything separate.

It's not a book but Additude is brilliant as a resource. www.additudemag.com/inattentive-adhd-women-diagnosis-challenges/?src=embed_link

I've recently had a number of friends tell me how life has turned around for them after they obtained a diagnosis as an adult and found the appropriate medication for them.

It's saved careers, relationships (marriages and friendships) and improved their lives immeasurably.

Argh I don't want to but I think I have ADHD. Nobody believes me. ('You've written books! You have a good job!')

Nobody knows this, but I bought some prescription medication on the internet when I was in dire straights about five years ago (horrendous, impossible job I was for various reasons completely trapped in). It was amazing, I POWERED through my work, no distractions, could deliver for 12 hours straight no questions asked.

I remember my awful manager complimenting me on turning it around. hollow laugh

It'll help my partner. He's been waiting 2 years for his assessment and scores very highly on any checklists for adhd. He's really struggled through life, self medicating with alcohol and weed, absolutely full of anxiety and thinking he's just a loser. He's not, he's actually a very kind and loving man. Once he's medicated, we're hoping it'll help him enormously.

I'm kind of in a similar situation.
I've just filled out the forms for ASD and ADHD for ds. I've thought for ages there was more to his behaviour than just glue ear/being a young in the year boy, which is what response I saw.

In filling out the forms I'm thinking that actually I fit both too.
However I don't see the need to be diagnosed. I'm happy, successful in what I do and able to mask well enough, as I've developed my own techniques that work over years.

On the other hand both my siblings are blatantly on the ASD spectrum. One would have been diagnosed when young, I suspect, had they been born nowadays. I suspect they know, and I also suspect they find it a relief to know. As far as I am aware, they haven't had an official diagnoses, they might as I don't think they'd feel the need to tell everyone. They've got better at masking it as they got older, and I don't think you would pick it up immediately if you knew them now, however at school it would have been obvious very quickly.

The other I suspect would go up in arms if you suggested it. They've been quite vocal on the other sibling having it at times. They've got worse as they've got older, and I think it would benefit them to get a diagnosis-if nothing else I think, once they had it, they would feel there was a reason for how they feel sometimes.

A friend of mine was diagnosed aged 39 and she says that she didn't realise quite how badly she was affected by her ADHD until she started medication. It's improved her life in many different ways.

OP this CAHMS told me it was because a GP wouldn't prescribe anything with a private diagnoses.
They would want a diagnoses through CAHMS before they would prescribe. is rubbish advice to you. My DD was diagnosed with ADHD by a private Psych aged 16 after a very rough time - he was responsible for the first prescriptions but as soon as she was settled he requested the GP to undertake 'shared care' - in other words to prescribe Ritalin and Sertraline as needed. It is untrue that CAMHS has to be involved and quite frankly if I had had to wait for a CAMHS assessment my child would be dead.

I’m 39 and I’m CONVINCED that I’m autistic. I have one child diagnosed and one child on the waiting list. I also have a lot of inattentive ADHD traits.

Damn right I need a diagnosis. Why? Because I’ll know for sure, for the first time in my life, that I’m neurologically different and not just a shit human being. And I’ll be a better parent to autistic children if I can say to them I understand because I’ve lived it.

I am not working at the moment, so the medication isn't to help me at work as such.

To be honest I have absolutely no idea why sources seem to go on about medication helping with work and school, as though work and school are the only places where ADHD could possibly cause a problem, and the rest of the time obviously doesn't matter

For me ADHD causes immense problems with my personal life and relationships, especially as a mother (life admin/wifework, anyone??)

I take a medication which works similarly to Strattera.

It has helped me keep track of time. I no longer look at the clock and realise that it's 4pm and nobody has got dressed or eaten lunch. I am able to look at the clock at 9am and decide it's a good time to get everyone dressed and breakfasted. And then again at 10am and remember that I needed to get that washing out that I'd put on this morning. I never did this before medication. I was constantly in a state of "OMG where did the time go???"

It helps me think ahead so I do things like pack bags the night before or a few hours before we need to be somewhere instead of scrabbling around when we are already late for the bus.

I think maybe it makes me a bit better at coming off MN/FB when I'm not supposed to be on there and doing something useful?? I can't really say because this might just be general lifestyle changes which have led to this.

It makes me notice more things for example that I'm hungry, that I'm horny (DH enjoys this part) and when there are plates that need to go back to the kitchen. Not all the time, but more than never, which it was before.

I still leave my shit all over the house in stupid places and then can't find it.

I still rush to shout in a temper rather than being able to take a deep breath and consider the situation (sadly).

I still struggle to maintain my own standards like making sure DC don't have too much screen time/eat meals as a family/get out and about (without DH's help)

But it is a bit better mainly due to the first two. I have occasional days where the medication makes me totally spacey and useless and even worse than I was unmedicated before, which is annoying - but this is probably once every few weeks. On average I do better with it.

@BCBG

OP this *CAHMS told me it was because a GP wouldn't prescribe anything with a private diagnoses. They would want a diagnoses through CAHMS before they would prescribe.* is rubbish advice to you. My DD was diagnosed with ADHD by a private Psych aged 16 after a very rough time - he was responsible for the first prescriptions but as soon as she was settled he requested the GP to undertake 'shared care' - in other words to prescribe Ritalin and Sertraline as needed. It is untrue that CAMHS has to be involved and quite frankly if I had had to wait for a CAMHS assessment my child would be dead.

You are not alone! We were the same, OCD and ADHD but the OCD was making him acutely ill, but still the 'emergency' appointment with just a psychologist was 2 months away.

Absolutely not useless to get an adult diagnosis.

I was diagnosed at 33. Medication helps with my entire life, for people who are neurotypical (or for those who are unmedicated and so only have experience of their own "normal" I know I was in this category before I was correctly medicated) it's really hard to conceive of just how that difference can be made.

.... and while I'm on the subject of meds: oh lord, that ridiculous statement of "medication only helps if you have a job" is so, so SO damaging. Executive function doesn't just apply to paid work, you know. It applies in all areas of life. So many fellow female ADHDers I have spoken to only started to struggle after having children. And many face exactly this attitude from medical professionals, especially the SAHMs.

There is a lot to be said for just knowing, it prevents a lot of mental self flagellation. The understanding and insight I've had from others with ADHD (I've seen how to ADHD on YouTube recommended but I'd also suggest the ADHD subreddit, it's very American and there are a lot of teenagers/younger adults there but I've learned so much from so many posters) has been the single most healing experience when it comes to my mental health.

I managed to get an assessment through the nhs ; the assessor disagreed. A previous private psych thought it very likely, but -surprise- I was too disorganised to do the rest.

I also have ocd/tics/anxiety/misophonia. I cope with adulting extremely poorly, I'd love to try meds but can't afford a private test again.

I have absolutely no idea why sources seem to go on about medication helping with work and school, as though work and school are the only places where ADHD could possibly cause a problem, and the rest of the time obviously doesn't matter

If I understand the process correctly, because it's evidence from here that disproportionately weights the diagnosis.

I have adult family members who are completely unreliable in their personal and family lives to the point where it's destructive. In so many ways, it reads as some form of ADHD - no ability to follow-through or plan, leave things everywhere, extreme anxiety and life-damagingly bad procrastination and rumination. However, without school reports commenting on day-dreaming or similar, there's no prospect of a referral or diagnosis.

I may be wrong.

Co-morbidities are also very common and conditions overlap. My son has high-funtioning autism, but we find his OCD and ADHD far more debilitating.

SO glad he was able to be diagnosed and is with a team who take it seriously.

I got a diagnosis to offer me some employment protection.... I have reasonable adjustments such as clear written instructions on unfamiliar tasks, extra time etc. Also some equipment.

I don't use it as an excuse for poor work, but my boss knows she has to tread carefully if I make errors that could be linked to my condition particularly if the reasonable adjustmnets haven't been adhered to.

Whether the diagnosis is useful depends on a lot of factors. I recommend this youtube channel, it has both life tips and information on medication and diagnosis: How to ADHD.