AIBU to argue that getting an ADHD diagnoses as an adult is relatively useless?

[Supsista]

If you generally have your shit together, that is, and copes up to this point?

In a nutshell my excuses for my middle sons presentation and behaviour have run out (he's fine! I was just like that. It's ok, I did that too! He'll be fine when he's an adult! It's normal, I struggled with that too!) and the school pushed for an ADHD screening. I laughed it off, and humoured them as I took the 3 page questionnaire off them.

My heart fell through my arsehole when I answered "very often" for nearly every question. My poor kid.

Anyway, here we are CHAMS called, they want to see him ASAP but coronavirus means waiting longer etc.

I've realised that there's a strong possibility I too have ADHD and it explains a lot. Severe OCD as a child and more.

But I can't see what benefit it would be to get a diagnoses for me. I'd pay for a label and what? Nothing much more.

I failed at school, left, did drugs, got wasted, grew up and got two degrees. Life with me isn't easy but it's ok.

So other than a label, I argue that it's pointless to get a diagnoses as an adult and further to this CAHMS told me that a private screening is more likely to show up an ADHD (or other) diagnoses than one via the NHS (I won't waste NHS resources on myself).
So in other words, a fat waste of money just to confirm my own personal epiphany.

I realise this sounds a very self indulgent post but I figured there may be many people out there who have have been in the same position as me and experienced the very same epiphany...

I was diagnosed with dyspraxia as an adult at university, and I'd argue that it is extremely important. Yes, I got support at uni since diagnosis, but more importantly it's done wonders for my mental health. I was very lucky to be diagnosed privately for free (uni paid) bc the NHS apparently doesn't diagnose dyspraxia in adults. I finally feel that I am not just stupid, clumsy, or slow, and that I deserve adjustments to make my life easier/ more in line with the experiences of neurotypicals. Not that I want to change my brain (it's different for dyspraxia than for adhd bc no medication is available, or therapy for adults), but the social model of disability suggests that the environment should be changed to accommodate my difficulties. Therefore, I no longer beat myself up about struggling with time, or needing ear plugs in loud places, or using shortcuts for cooking, because I don't feel inadequate anymore, and I understand the advantages it gives me better too. If I struggle with something due to my disability, I'm slowly gaining the confidence to speak up and get help.
Honestly, the months between starting to suspect I might have it and being diagnosed were some of my worst for mental health, but when I found out it was an enormous relief. It's different for everyone, not everybody feels the need to get diagnosed, but lots of people do find it helpful.

The medication can be life changing.

Your misgivings make sense, but I think they come more from experiencing the failings of the system that is supposed to support people with ADHD, ASD or similar conditions. When the system does work (and sometimes it does), a diagnosis opens up lots of support.

My DC have been diagnosed with ASD and this has set off a realisation that I am autistic as well, most likely. I will be seeking a diagnosis but just knowing this for myself has helped me reevaluate my life, which has also been difficult. It has knocked down so much of the self-blame for being too complicated, lazy, stupid, rude, overbearing etc etc to manage everyday things and relationships that seem to be non-things to other people.

I've always resisted getting medication for my depressions and anxiety, but I realise now that's because I knew deep down that they would be treating symptoms and not causes. If there was medication that would quiet down and focus my mind (like there is for ADHD), I would take it in a heartbeat. At least the house would be tidy for once .

This is interesting to me as I'm thinking about going private for an ASC assessment - my adult DD was dx last year and I strongly believe both my adult DS's have undiagnosed ASC. My DD and DS's have different dads. I think eldest DS probably had symptoms of ADHD when a child but CAMHS wouldn't assess him as he left A levels due to extreme anxiety and they only saw children over 16 if they were in full time education.

I know there is some research out there about neurodevelopmental conditions and heredity but it was when DD was being screened for ASC that I realised I answered all the questions (to myself) the same as she did and I've realised so much about myself since then that I always thought was just me being hopelessly inadequate despite being having a fistful of degree qualifications and professional qualifications.

I'm 60.

I could have written this!! Only today I was researching going privately. (So expensive!)

I think it would really help me just to come to terms with how I am.

My DC have been diagnosed with ASD and this has set off a realisation that I am autistic as well, most likely. I will be seeking a diagnosis but just knowing this for myself has helped me reevaluate my life, which has also been difficult. It has knocked down so much of the self-blame for being too complicated, lazy, stupid, rude, overbearing etc etc to manage everyday things and relationships that seem to be non-things to other people.

This is exactly where I’m at too @Timestoodstilll. The self-blame is a heavy burden to carry and I’ve genuinely felt a lot lighter since the realisation hit. Prior to that, for years, I accepted I had a lot of autistic traits but felt very strongly that I wasn’t autistic, we were just too quick to pathologise normal personality traits. I’m over the denial phase now

[quote LauraMipsum]I had an adult diagnosis of ASD when I reached the "ceiling of capability" (thanks Scubalubs for that term!)

I knew I was beginning to go under. The diagnosis made a huge difference to me - instead of being 'just about coping' with undiagnosed ASD and beating myself up for being inadequate, I made some major changes to my career path and life and I am now incredibly happy.

I suspect I may also have ADHD as I began reading Additude for their posts on ASD, and found that 'inattentive ADHD' is a thing - I'm not hyperactive and I thought hyperactivity was a key component. I really struggle with executive function and attention but that may just be part of my ASD rather than anything separate.

It's not a book but Additude is brilliant as a resource. www.additudemag.com/inattentive-adhd-women-diagnosis-challenges/?src=embed_link[/quote]
For many adults, the hyperactivity is not physical, but mental. I found that extremely helpful to realise - my brain NEVER stops. If I was physically hyper I'd probably be thinner Oh well.

ADHD has a big genetic component, so your diagnosis may be helpful not only for your DS but any other family members. You may then have access to support/advice/medication if appropriate and above all else have a better understanding of yourself, your behaviour and how you deal with life.