To limit contact with siblings

[pancakeloverrr]

My brother and sister both constantly tell me my plans/vision for my career are not 'happening' or 'going to be v. Difficult' (it's not, it's a model used many times by a lot of people in my profession).

I am unable to really go into it further but it's always some shaming of my incompetence, and I would like to limit my contact with them.

They bring me down, some else I know is able to accomplish what they did due to them being more 'clever'.

Then they say what they said is out of 'love'.

Am I being unreasonable to keep my career plans to myself and keep it very light during family gatherings? Or should I cut contact unless my mum wants to see everyone ?

I'm at the end of my tether with my siblings.

@Charlottejbt

Single moms are my heroes! Remembering my mom scramble to put together postage stamps we as kids used as silly stickers, watching her finish our dinners to Never waste any food, getting some handouts from colleagues at her hospital of new clothes for me bc I complained about the hand me downs from my older sister (I never as a child got new clothes - the rule was I wore what my sister outgrew), and somehow asking her for a piano, and her finding one we could afford so I can flourish musically, etc.

She had a very difficult but blessed life with very loyal children. My brother does give her loads of money for her to retire comfortably, and I know she is torn about this entire situation.

She said again today that my brother didn't have a male role model, and if I could have some compassion for him, she will talk to him about his abusive behaviour. She insists that he is just v. different from me, and he has crossed the line and used me as a punching bag too many times. And this is going to stop. But I know my mum- she is soft, loving, and her self inflicted guilt of my dad passing of cancer, keeps her from seeing the situation clearly - decades of my brother and sisters abuse.

I reckon this is not how she wants to spend her golden years - taking sides and separating her time with each child.

But she ended the convo that she cannot live with her grandchild (my DD), that she is the most important person to her, and that she will accept my position.

I have a Feeling I will be getting texts soon from my siblings accusing me of making mum upset and why am I making it a 'thing'.

Mum also wholeheartedly believed in me to go to get another LLM for contract law in America, on a almost full scholarship. She has always believed in me- and Never discourage me from my desire for more education. Though my shit brother kept asking me 'why do you need more education?'

Well, it was a great experience and it did well for me landing my first job when I returned. My siblings thought I was a selfish twat for leaving, seeing how much I was learning in American schools, making friends there, etc. they despise anything I do.

I also married a man who is a brilliant scientist - my sister asked me why is he so short?

She is a mean spirited person. DH is like me about education, he went to Oxford and got multiple degrees - we are very much into learning and we are now learning a second language together.

Of course they have asked me why he makes so little- but he's contributing to society in ways I cannot and they will never be able to.

They are just cruel. My sister is a controlling, mean person. When we got engaged, we sent out invites for our wedding 6 months in advance, and up until the month of the wedding - sister kept asking me 'when is the wedding?'

It was v. Hurtful, to say the least. But now I'm done dealing with them.

The last thing I want to state that I cannot ever forgive my siblings for is neither came to visit me in the hospital when my DD was born!!!!

Heavily disproves the idea that they will be there for you when it counts, doesn't it?

Im sorry it's come to this, pancake. Some siblings - some people - are just shit. Whatever they say now about you though, it's no different from before. It's just another reason to pick at you. YOu might want to consider permannetly muting their texts or blocking them.

If they start with the messages I'd block them too. It's their behaviour that has caused this rift.
Happily I'm very LC with my siblings, only see them once or twice a year which is great.