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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wonder why up to 35 is now considered young

308 replies

thedaywewillremeber · 10/08/2020 21:43

I’ve just seen an article where young people are referred to as being up to 35. Aibu to wonder why this is when it used to be 25 maximum that was viewed as a young person.

OP posts:
aurynne · 24/11/2020 01:40

"Middle-aged" is exactly the age at which you start worrying you might be Grin

Snog · 24/11/2020 07:46

I think if you have kids you are no longer young

CurrentEvents · 24/11/2020 07:50

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the request of the OP.

andtheHossyourodeinon · 24/11/2020 08:27

I think if you have kids you are no longer young

You can have a kid at 15. Or 25. Both are (very) young.

Snog · 24/11/2020 08:37

Regardless of if you are 15 or 25 you've left your youth behind if you are a parent in my opinion.

andtheHossyourodeinon · 24/11/2020 08:47

Your opinion is wrong. On no definition is 15 anything other than young.

littlepeas · 24/11/2020 08:51

I’m 38 and my eldest dc is 12 and I still consider myself fairly young! I’m the youngest of all my friends, so that helps! I’m also quite a ‘young mum’ for my demographic/socioeconomic group. I actually think up to 40 is young and you’re still youngish for a bit after that too.

unmarkedbythat · 24/11/2020 10:55

@Snog

Regardless of if you are 15 or 25 you've left your youth behind if you are a parent in my opinion.
I've worked with 13 and 14 year old parents. They were very young. Their youth was different to mine, but they certainly hadn't left it behind by reproducing!
mummytonicekidz · 24/11/2020 11:40

I'm 35 and pregnant too. I'm
Not old 😆

BungleandGeorge · 24/11/2020 22:11

@Lex01
Those articles are not studies of what middle age is. They contain an arbitrary definition based on author opinion, I’m presuming they are psychologists although it’s not clear in all cases. There’s a tick box on one that an MD has read it but there doesn’t appear to be any peer review. The only medical one is the lancet which is considering dementia and the categories they’ve used are in relation to that. They’re not studies of what middle age is and they’re not all of very high quality.

CharitySchmarity · 25/11/2020 09:26

I think there are two reasons: because we are living longer and because it's become socially acceptable for people to dress and behave as if they're young for longer.

My mum was 31 when she had me and would be 85 if she was still alive. I can't ever remember her not dressing "middle-aged." When I was very little, and she can't have been more than about 36, she was wearing those scarves tied under the chin like the Queen. (She did give those up in the end!) She never owned jeans and only wore trousers when she was doing something practical that in her eyes demanded them. She never had long hair in my lifetime and thought she was too old for it. In old age she wouldn't wear make-up because she thought it was somehow inappropriate or tarty on an old lady. OK, there are women her age who dress very fashionably or eccentrically, but they are still rare enough that people talk about how splendid and refreshing they are. She also led a rather conservative-with-a-small-c lifestyle - for example it would never have occurred to her to get drunk, and she would have been shocked if anybody did, but especially if they were older and "ought to know better."

Nowadays it is perfectly acceptable for someone of my age (50s) to wear jeans, have long hair and/or dye it unusual colours, wear shorts and strappy tops in summer, post on social media about how they "need" a gin or how they had a "cheeky" few drinks of prosecco with their female friends. It's a different way of life, and it contains elements that would traditionally have been associated with young people, so I'm not surprised the definition of "young" is creeping up.

FWIW, at 54 I would definitely describe myself as middle-aged, and I intend to describe myself as old at 60, but I'm very glad the unwritten rules for being middle-aged and old are not as strict and joyless as they used to be!

GreenlandTheMovie · 25/11/2020 09:38

A lot of my family have lived into their nineties and look very young for their ages, so if they weren't young at 35, that would be many years of not being young!

Some people age quicker than others. There's always been a societal pressure on women to reproduce early and men to settle down while theyre still young which richer people have had the luxury of wealth to resist. Now that society is more affluent, its not surprising that more people are resisting thinking rooted in the days when children started going down the mines or working in factories aged 9, and were pretty worn out by 35!

PatriciaPerch · 25/11/2020 09:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 27/11/2020 00:35

Didn't we have pretty much this same thread not long ago?!

Anyway, I agree with Bungle that middle-age is a life stage and not a single year. If you divide your life expectancy in half, you will be at the middle point of middle age - not the beginning. You wouldn't describe 8 or 9 as the beginning of childhood.

I also don't see why neutral descriptive terms for life stages like 'young', 'middle aged' or 'old/elderly' are considered loaded, any more than your actual age is.

Maybe we are just a society that values smooth, wrinkle-free skin and naivete over experience and wisdom?!

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 27/11/2020 00:43

A lot of my family have lived into their nineties and look very young for their ages, so if they weren't young at 35, that would be many years of not being young!

But we have more than two age-bracket descriptors - you aren't simply either young or old and no further options. Also, describing somebody's age bracket isn't meant to be a value judgement of how well they've lived, how lucky they've been or how alert their body and brain are - it's just a basic neutral descriptor and not the single thing that defines you as a person.

Lex01 · 16/01/2021 05:41

The thread lost credibility for me when people tried to push a backward social agenda by insisting that teen pregnancy is fine, which is would have to happen if a 35-year-old had children in their twenties. There are risks of anemia and other medical complications in the teen years. You can argue that you were only trying to say it could happen. That doesn't mean it should.

Not to mention that wouldn't be emotionally ready. I had literally never heard of 35 as middle-aged until recently. The conventional wisdom from media, family and society was that it began in the 40s. And people are making silly arguments on here, like if people are living into their 80s, then 35 must be middle-aged. But half of 35 would be 70! That's like saying the months before New Years, is the New Year! Even people who would agree with the definition of 35 as middle-aged have don't agree with that "logic!" They usually say that since The Bible promised that a person would live three scores and ten (70) that 35 was middle-aged. But we are no longer living in bible times and the average life expectancy is in the 80s where I'm from. I saw one 75-year-old man from Australia say that if 35 is middle-aged, he should already be in the ground! The arguments here are nonsensical and pro-underage pregnancy, so you've shot any credibility you might have had in the foot.

Graciebobcat · 16/01/2021 06:19

It is young. I'm 45 and am so much more confident, experienced and capable than ten or so years ago. Brain development may stop in your 20s but personal development, learning and growth as a person doesn't. That said, ten years ago I had two DDs under five and was exhausted, I have more energy now!

Graciebobcat · 16/01/2021 06:22

I was happy to be considered middle aged from my late 30s onwards. I don't consider it an insult.

Badboy07 · 21/04/2023 22:28

33 is not that much different than 35.. so 35 is still young too.. 40 is just another story that's the beginning of middle age

Badboy07 · 21/04/2023 22:32

I honestly don't think anywhere in your 30s as middle age even late 30s.. that's more like after 40 when you can consider it middle age

Badboy07 · 21/04/2023 22:52

Graciebobcat · 16/01/2021 06:22

I was happy to be considered middle aged from my late 30s onwards. I don't consider it an insult.

I honestly don't think anywhere in your 30s can be middle age even late 30s it just sounds very odd.. After 40 is when you can consider it middle age

Badboy07 · 21/04/2023 23:29

grey12 · 23/11/2020 14:06

Millennials are considered as not-quite-adults to older generations Hmm

That's beacuse older generations are a lot older they're already in their 40s,50s,60s and older.. The older Millenials were born in 82, which means they are barely 40 or 41.. youngest of the Millenials were born in 96 which makes them 26 or 27. So the age range of Millenials this year is from 26 to 41. The first older ones are barely entering middle age but the rest of them are still in the young adult category. Which makes sence that Gen x and baby boomers still don't consider us Millenials quite adults yet even tho we are 🤔

speakout · 22/04/2023 07:15

Thingg have changed a lot over the years
When I was a child many people were clapped out in their 40s.
I remember my mother acting like an old woman in her 40s, a day at the beach, she would be sitting in a folding chair drinking tea.
Working condtions were worse in the past, nutrition poor for many( although we are heading that way again) health education and care wasn't so good. People tended not to care for themselves so well.

When I was 40 I felt young, would still be running about with my children.
I am in my 60s now and don't feel much different. My face may have more lines, but I stll feel fit and healthy. I go to the gym 5 times a week, and care for myself.
I now see "old age" as 80+.

grey12 · 22/04/2023 12:54

What I meant was that at the same age boomers were more "adult". They were on the 2nd/3rd house, kids, stable jobs, ....... While millennials are forced to live at their parents house for longer.

Millennials don't feel as adult AND they're not seen as adult because they're not hitting those traditional milestones.

There is a common misconception that millennials want to be like boomers. Wrong! We're not that naive. GenXers wanted to be like boomers. Millennials would give one of their kidneys to be like GenXers 😝

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 22/04/2023 13:16

GenXers wanted to be like boomers. Millennials would give one of their kidneys to be like GenXers

@grey12 Hey, why are you speaking for us Gen X’s?!😂 Many of us travelled far more and have had v. different lives to the previous generation.

I personally don’t view Millennials as not-quite-adults. I’m 48 so how could I view someone in their 30’s as not an adult, for example?

My children, Gen Z, are the youth of today. You lots are proper adults like the rest of us. 🤣