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AIBU?

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Original poster

Shouldn’t neighbours have apologised

132 replies

Crackers6642 · 10/08/2020 17:42

I’m curious what the rest of you think: neighbours kid has bashed our fence with constant footballs. I don’t mean odd ball banging fence, I literally mean he’s been using it to kick against for hours everyday. Old fence was damaged by him, put up a new fence and still carries on. Shouldn’t parents at least tell him to stop? Obviously they know it’s our fence and we paid for it. They sit outside with him. What’s wrong with people.

OP posts:
Original poster
Crackers6642 · 10/08/2020 22:14

@Emeraldshamrock yes definitely! I feel I need to!

OP posts:
Wavescrashingonthebeach · 10/08/2020 22:16

Never feel guilty about defending your right to a peaceful life. Remember the knock on effect on yourself is stress which in turn affects your own MH which affects everything.
Im glad you are feeling better, sometimes after a glass of wine a little cathartic release is healthy. Now take that energy and channel into producive steps forward.
Spend a bit of time researching assertiveness.

woodhill · 10/08/2020 22:22

Tell him and his dps to kick the ball against their own fences not yours from now on and don't give the balls back.

Your dh needs to man up and support you

Cecilia2016 · 10/08/2020 22:24

I had the same issue with the children kicking the ball on my fence. I politely told the children not to kick the ball to my fence again and the issue sorted the same day and never seen them kicking the ball to or near my fence again.

SquirtleSquad · 10/08/2020 22:33

We had this at our old house. Parents didn't give a shit and actually drew a goal on our fence in chalk..

My DH was a bit drunk one evening and when the same bloody kid came knocking for his ball for the third time that day he told him that the ball had knocked over a rabbit hutch and killed our pet bunny (we have never had a bunny or any sort of pet) and the kid burst into tears and never kicked another ball at our fence or into our garden again Blush

Mintychoc1 · 10/08/2020 22:40

My 11 year old DS plays football in the garden and sometimes the ball hits the fence. He doesn’t do it on purpose, but in small gardens it’s hard to control a ball accurately. He kicks it over sometimes too, on both sides. I tell him repeatedly to be careful. He says he tries his best but it isn’t easy. Not much I can do short of banning him from the garden. Next door haven’t complained, but then again their adult son did exactly the same years ago when he was younger. OP you may find yourself apologising to the neighbours in a few years. Unless of course you have perfect kids who never play ball games outside.

There you go, you can all pile in now and tell me I’m a shit parent! But I’m a working single mum with 2 kids, one of whom (the ball kicker) has behavioural issues, and I’m doing the bloody best I can.

Mintychoc1 · 10/08/2020 22:43

Oh and those saying people should puncture the ball if it comes over - please be aware that some of these footballs cost £25, so whilst you may have the law on your side, it’s a pretty shitty thing to do to a kid.

Emeraldshamrock · 10/08/2020 22:45

OP you may find yourself apologising to the neighbours in a few years. Unless of course you have perfect kids who never play ball games outside
Very true. Smile

Original poster
Crackers6642 · 10/08/2020 22:46

@Mintychoc1 even if once in 7 years they had said “so sorry it keeps coming over” I wouldn’t be so worked up but the fact they’ve never acknowledged the damage or the fact it’s inconvenient that I’m expected to run and fetch the ball and not to mention fact it could hit my kids. I think my attitude towards them would be a little sympathetic if they actually acknowledged once in a while that they understand it must be annoying. I would feel different if I heard them saying yo kids “please be careful”. They don’t even tell them off for standing on chairs disturbing us.

OP posts:
Original poster
Crackers6642 · 10/08/2020 22:47

@Emeraldshamrock but I would have decency to say sorry to them (obviously not now as they never have!) I think if they had apologised once in a while I wouldn’t be so annoyed

OP posts:
billy1966 · 10/08/2020 22:47

OP,
If your neighbour's and their children are damaging YOUR property, there is absolutely NO problem filming them.

For readers concerned about this, pls google UK law.

OP, if you feel it would be helpful to film your property being damaged, state it clearly while filming.

"I am filming my neighbour's children damaging my property."

Obviously, you should speak to your neighbour first and ask them to cease and desist.
However, if they continue, you are perfectly within your rights to film your property being damaged deliberately.

Your children have been injured?
Those balls would NEVER be returned from me...and I am a serial returner of balls!

Also my neighbour's child plays basketball endlessly...no problem with it.
Another boy hits a ball against one of my walls for an hour at a time.
I have absolutely Zero problems with this as they are great lads, late teens, and are so plote and respectful requesting a ball back.

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 10/08/2020 22:48

Oh and those saying people should puncture the ball if it comes over - please be aware that some of these footballs cost £25, so whilst you may have the law on your side, it’s a pretty shitty thing to do to a kid.

If it was a one off, fair enough. But when enough is enough, give them advance warning "next time it comes over its getting popped" and follow through on it, i can bet a bottom dollar it wont ever happen again.
My own Dad actually shot one of my balls with an air rifle didnt do me any lasting trauma... Grin

BoomBoomsCousin · 10/08/2020 22:55

Mintychoc1 has your son’s playing damaged your neighbour’s property or hurt their children? Because if not then it isn’t really comparable. It’s irrelevant whether you’re a single parent or your DS has behavioural issues, hitting other people or damaging their property is not something you can shrug your shoulders at as though it’s a reasonable social cost others should pay so your DS can do as he pleases.

Mintychoc1 · 10/08/2020 23:46

My DS has never hurt another child but the fence is quite wobbly, probably due to the battering it has taken from neighbours son and now my son. I don’t shrug my shoulders. I tell him off repeatedly.

And yes, I got irritated when next door’s son was younger and kicked the ball over repeatedly, and kicked it at the fence, and climbed over the fence to retrieve it. But I never complained because I thought that one day the roles may be reversed.

Emeraldshamrock · 11/08/2020 00:39

but I would have decency to say sorry to them (obviously not now as they never have!) I think if they had apologised once in a while I wouldn’t be so annoyed
That's understandable I don't blame you if they tried to control their DS and had the decency to apologise it wouldn't be so hard.

HeadAndShoulders · 11/08/2020 01:08

Does he kick the ball against your fence because the smooth side is facing him, whereas the other fences that his parents own will have the non-smooth side facing him. It's going to be much better for a kid to kick a ball against a smooth surface. Not sure that helps but it may help to understand why he does it.

BoomBoomsCousin · 11/08/2020 01:21

"I don’t shrug my shoulders. I tell him off repeatedly."

If you actually think he should stop (and your neighbours not caring may mean it's fine) then telling him off repeatedly when it has no impact is no different from shrugging your shoulders.

Durgasarrow · 11/08/2020 04:48

OP, you are COMPLETELY reasonable to be aggravated by this ridiculous behavior!

Penners99 · 11/08/2020 06:35

Remove fence panels and replace with razor wire??

Ohtherewearethen · 11/08/2020 06:37

@Mintychoc1 - actually, yes you could ban your son from ball games in the garden for a day if he continues to ignore you.
Also, you say popping a £25 ball is a pretty shitty thing to do but you don't think damaging yet another fence that likely cost onto the thousands isn't a shitty thing to do?! I can't see your logic there I'm afraid. I haven't got thousands of pounds to replace a fence every few months because the awful neighbours won't tell their son to stop kicking his ball against it.

OP, you could try approaching the neighbours and say something along the lines of, our new fence is already showing signs of damage from the balls being kicked at it, what can we do to protect it (we as in you and them). See if they can come up with any solutions eg, a net stretched across it or actually parenting their child, or you could even suggest they pay for the damage next time. Do it whilst smiling and see what they come up with. It's not confrontational, you're just looking for a mutual resolution to a shared problem. Surely they wouldn't have the cheek to say they'll just let their kid damage it and refused to pay for it/protect it. If they do, get a formal letter written that you will proceed to small claims if their son breaks another fence.

Sassanacs · 11/08/2020 07:28

Agree with @CurlyhairedAssassin

GabsAlot · 11/08/2020 11:28

stop throwing their ball back and tell them if fence goes again you'll have to bill them for it

i used to throw balls back then stopped when it kept happening-tough

Cookies2523 · 11/08/2020 12:02

I would honestly put a knife through the ball & throw it back burst. Keep doing this every time a ball comes over. Hopefully they will get the message that you are not putting up with their ignorant children anymore.

HalloHalloHallo · 11/08/2020 13:56

I agree with pp. Remove the fence panels and put some sort of wire fence planted with pyracantha, mahonia and other prickly shrubs.

OldEvilOwl · 11/08/2020 14:36

go out there and tell him to stop! every time!