To think I have wasted my life

[easterbunny123]

I'm 29 and been in a few long term relationships which have never worked out, always ended by me as i go for the same type, lazy, obsessed with computers and games and just not suited to me.
Just realised the currently relationship has to end for the same reason but I'm scared that I've wasted my life. I want children but feel it's too late. AIBU to think I will end up old and single with a big list of exes?

Your 29!! You have loads of time to meet someone nice and have children.

@easterbunny123

I'm 29 and been in a few long term relationships which have never worked out, always ended by me as i go for the same type, lazy, obsessed with computers and games and just not suited to me. Just realised the currently relationship has to end for the same reason but I'm scared that I've wasted my life. I want children but feel it's too late. AIBU to think I will end up old and single with a big list of exes?

You won't at all, because you've realised your self-declared position in life and are willing to do something about it! So there's no way you'll end up in that position.

As for "too late for children", my DW had our first at 38.

That's an entire FIFTEEN years away for you, if we're comparing examples. So no, you are very much not too late!

oh sorry I misread your age - well, a decade away give or take! You are super young and you have lots of time.

On the balance of probability, you have not even reached the halfway mark of your life.
Some things are worse than loneliness, like being in relationship with the wrong person.

End your relationship, and relax. It will be ok

You are still 29, very young and have a long life ahead of you. If you think those geeky type don't suit you, find someone different next time.
Though I am one of those who are obsessed with computer games, I'm happily married for long time to non gamer.

Obviously I can't comment on your fertility and health situation but chances are you still have time. It sounds drastic but I know people at this age who have found partners by being clear early on that they are looking to settle down soon. Obviously it scares a lot of dates off but better than wasting your time on someone

I think it’s fine to sit down and reassess your life but at 29 it’s not wasted -

All I would say next relationship you meet - get an idea of who they are if they have a hobby that takes up there life it is unlikely to change

It's far better for you to realise this now before you have children & then notice that you've married a boy who won't grow up. There's far too many of them mentioned in posts here. I hope you find yourself an adult male, there's plenty of time ahead of you & now you have a clearer idea of what you want from a partner.

Dump the dead weight and work on your self esteem before getting into another relationship.

You will be choosing these same losers for a reason. Break the chain. You deserve better.

I have just had a baby and I'm 40 so it's not too late at all. You have worked out the type of man you want to avoid so that's positive.
I really don't think you need to worry about being single forever or not having children. You have plenty of time.

"You will be choosing these same losers for a reason. "

Sorry for derailing, but gamers doesn't mean losers. There are plenty of gamers who have normal life and hard working and have happy family life.

I split with my awful ex at 30, met now DH at 31, married and pregnant at 34 and now 36 (37 later this month) with an 18 month old. You haven’t left it too late but know moving forward what you definitely DON’T want in a relationship. This makes it easier to eliminate early!

I thought this thread would be written by someone well into their old age. You are 29. It's ridiculous to say you've wasted your life at that age. You've barely got started.

Try not to worry, but go for the opposite of your type next time. You might surprise yourself. I've done that and am now happily married to someone who is physically and mentally the opposite to my exes.

I'm 36 and I haven't had a serious relationship since my mid-twenties. The last time I had sex was in 2008. You're young. There's still time.

And I also know gamers who are happily married, so don't despair!

You do not need a relationship, you should be happy with your own company. Any relationship should be a bonus to your life and enhance it.
And get a job where you can support yourself and any children. I made damn sure I had a good career before I had kids as I didn’t want to grow up with as little money as my divorced mum had.
Independence is the answer.

When I was 30 I had just moved to a new city with an exciting new job - no partner. Now I live in the countryside with my 3yr old. Don't worry...you have plenty of time.

And totally agree with SteelyPanther make sure you are self-sufficient and independent. Just because people get married and have kids, doesn't mean it stays that way.......

I was just going into a 5 year relationship at your age - left him at 34, met DH shortly after, had DS at 37.
You have loads of time. From my experience I would suggest taking a year or two to work on yourself - your self-esteem, what qualities you really want in a partner etc, and don't settle for your 'usual' type if that isn't the type of person you really want to be with.
Pushing ourselves to accept what we really want can be incredibly uncomfortable, but honestly it is worth it.

29 is really young. Relationships tend to progress quicker in your 30s: it's not uncommon to be married and have a baby within 2 or 3 years of meeting.

End your current relationship, I know a lot of couples around your age who have broken up recently, think lockdown put a lot of things into perspective. So end it, have a year or so enjoying being single, develop your hobbies and friendships, work on your career or think about changing it if you're not happy. Then look into internet/app dating when you feel happy and confident on your own.

Don't date someone who plays computer games though.

It's not too late to have children. I had my first at 38.
But it probably is the time now to become conscious of the kind of values you want in a man and to appreciate people who have them. You want to meet a man who you are genuinely attracted to who also lives up to your ideal of an adult.

Some women are attracted to man-child types because this relationship fulfils their mothering tendencies. As soon as you have real children, your desire to mother a fully grown man will evaporate sharply and you'll just want to be with an adult. So look for one now.

How can you have wasted your life when you have most of it still ahead of you?

You are still young. You still have a good 10 years to meet someone decent and have children.
Leave this guy then spend some time working on your own self-esteem. Be single for a while and enjoy your life. Work out what you want in a relationship and what you don't want.

You’re only 29! Most of my friends (27-30ish) are still trying to work out with their lives post-uni!

You are 29, with no lazy man holding you down. You are free as a bird :) It definitely is not too late.

Take some time, figure out what you want from life, you don't need to rely on a man to make you happy. Focus on yourself and your career/job/house. I get that you want kids, but you have a good few years for them to come along yet.