To think I have wasted my life

[easterbunny123]

I'm 29 and been in a few long term relationships which have never worked out, always ended by me as i go for the same type, lazy, obsessed with computers and games and just not suited to me.
Just realised the currently relationship has to end for the same reason but I'm scared that I've wasted my life. I want children but feel it's too late. AIBU to think I will end up old and single with a big list of exes?

Hey get a grip and stop actively looking for a relationship, it smacks of desperation!
Develop hobbies, interests and your self esteem. The right types will then be attracted to you.

Be excited and proud that you have come to this realisation at 29.

Many people don't come to this realisation until much much later on in life.

You seem to have reached a point where you want to make some changes....so just do it! You will be grand.

I know someone who met her DH at 32, married at 33 and very quickly had two children. They are really happy and met each other when they were both in the same place - ready to settle down and get serious about family.

29 isn't too late for a family if it's what you want.

It’s definitely not too late, but make sure the next person you date has the same goals as you. There’s no shame in looking for someone who wants to ‘settle down’ and anyone who is put off by this wouldn’t be the match you’re looking for anyway.

You are young! Most of us have to kiss a few frogs before finding the right one, you have plenty of time.

Why not broaden your horizons - maybe new job, move house, meet different people? Life could be exciting. 29 is a lovely age.

If you stop worrying about relationships, you may just meet a good 'un but there are other things in life to enjoy.

Lol I left a total loser at 30 and met an amazing man a year later. Super happy now!

Quite a number of my friends/acquaintances left marriages and long term relationships at 29/30/31. Best decisions we ever made.

Stop feeling sorry for yourself, dump this waste of space and get on with living your life!!

I have a similar history with relationships so I sympathise but feel positive that you have realised this at such a young age. I am 37, been single for several years and realise it really is now probably too late for me to have children. You have so much time.

xx

Most of the people I know met the person they ended up marrying and having children with around your age. By 32 they were married and starting having babies by 35 most of their families were complete. Like a pp I’m 36 and have been totally single for many years now. I still hope to marry and have children and it is a worry every day but I’m a lot older than you. At 29 you’ve nothing to worry about. Just get out there, enjoy your life and get used to moving on quickly when things don’t work out. That’s my biggest regret. My last relationship ended shortly before I turned 31 (he didn’t want marriage or kids and I did, coincidentally I was your age when I met him). I allowed it to take years before I got over him and that wasted a lot of time. I could have had kids by now.

So build up your confidence and resilience, quickly get rid of time wasters and date with a purpose. Honestly, you aren’t late, you are right on time.

And whatever happens, do not waste your life waiting on a relationship to complete you. Do things that feed your soul. Hobbies, travel, education etc.

You're 29! I had dd when I was 41!

You’re not even thirty.

You should probably take a couple of years to yourself before attempting any more relationships. I high is fine, too, as you can do that and still not be close to 35. Loads of fertile years left, yet.

Try not to think this way. It's an easy trap to fall into but it's pointless. Focus on you, your interests, your career. It's a cliche but you're more likely to meet the right person when you're busy and happy, than if you're overly focused on finding a partner and anxious about your past relationships and patterns. If you want something to change, change yourself.

That said though, it's perfectly normal for your relationships in your twenties to not last!

Is this some kind of turning 30 crisis?

You've probably got 10-12 years on the baby front depending on your circustances and biology.

I was settled in late 20s but that was realtively early in our University freinds not so amoung friends we grew up with who didn't go most of them spent their 20s working playing leaving relationships starting new ones, starting carreres retraining.

So I don't think 29 is too old - though perhaps it's your social circle making you think that? I know to our suprise DH cousin got flack for having her first child at 40 -in an area where most are mothers by early 20s- but she's happy so what's it matter really what others think.

Maybe focus on you for a bit - work out what makes you happy other than a relationship - focus on your carrer and savings - making savings pre kids is always good idea - maybe do a bit of travel or some other thing to make most of yoru relative freedom? Then in a bit start dating again with higher standards or more open eyes.

I felt like this in my 20s. I didn't even have any rubbish relationships. I had no relationships. At 28 I took control. I did a personal ad in a magazine (this was more the norm than online dating then). I was clear in what I wanted out of life - children, marriage. Anyway. A man replied. He is now my husband and we have a 12 year old.

OP, when I was 29 I had just dumped the latest in a long line of wannabe cocklodgers. I felt the same as you do. Other people met decent men and got married, but I just got one nasty loser after another.
I decided to be as fussy about personality as I was about looks. I also realised that, looking back, all the red flags had been there within the first three months, I had just chosen to ignore them, so I decided to take more notice of red flags and be much quicker to dump them, for the first three months at least.
I also developed a horror of men still living at home with their mum. I know that sometimes there is a valid reason for that, and that nowadays it is much harder to afford rent (this was 25 years ago), but the cock lodgers I dated usually lived with parents while looking for a willing partner.
Within a year I'd met DH, we have been married 20 years and have had 5 children. You still have plenty of time. Just put yourself in a position to meet lots of people (sadly covid won't help) and be ready to dump once it's obvious you won't be happy with that person.

I was getting divorced at 29/30. Met DH and remarried within three years or so, changed my career, moved house. My only regret is wasting my 20s on a knobhead. I know loads of people who have met their partner and popped out a handful of kids in their mid/late 30s. Not atypical of my generation.

You are still so young!

I met my DP at 32 and married and had my first child at 33. It is not too late. Just take a break from dating and be clear about what qualities you are looking for.

It's not too late OP - end the current relationship and move forward.

Don't make the future all about your next relationship, but when you are ready for one have standards (eg you mentioned lazy, what would be a good indication to you that they are not lazy) and don't accept less than your standards. Don't settle for less!

@easterbunny123

I'm 29 and been in a few long term relationships which have never worked out, always ended by me as i go for the same type, lazy, obsessed with computers and games and just not suited to me. Just realised the currently relationship has to end for the same reason but I'm scared that I've wasted my life. I want children but feel it's too late. AIBU to think I will end up old and single with a big list of exes?

Met the love of my life around 32. You could still be lucky, and able to have children. It probably feels extra shit because of lockdown. Chin up.

Not too late at all, you're still young. I understand the 29 wobble though. 30 sounds like much more of a milestone than it really is.

You're still learning what you want from a relationship - it sounds like you know what you don't want and what doesn't work. You have plenty of time.

@Gemi33

I have a similar history with relationships so I sympathise but feel positive that you have realised this at such a young age. I am 37, been single for several years and realise it really is now probably too late for me to have children. You have so much time.

xx

Good that you’ve accepted this, but there is still hope! X

A question are men interested in computers and games when they reach late twenties onward? If they are then it not the OP who is wasting her life but them.

Are you having a laugh? This thread is actually quite disrespectful to women who genuinely have left it too late. I feel sorry for anyone in that position who is reading this from a 29-year-old.

You’re 29? Seriously?!

@GoshHashana

Are you having a laugh? This thread is actually quite disrespectful to women who genuinely have left it too late. I feel sorry for anyone in that position who is reading this from a 29-year-old.

Nonsense it is a valid question, she is looking for someone she is compatible with a lazy games nerd just does not do it for her.

@justasking111

A question are men interested in computers and games when they reach late twenties onward? If they are then it not the OP who is wasting her life but them.

The average age of the UK gamer is 28, which might be higher than you thought! Strangely, 51% of the 36 to 50s play games, and that number is growing. But different age groups make different choices about how, where, and what they play.

news.bbc.co.uk/1/shared/spl/hi/pop_ups/05/entertainment_gaming_in_the_uk/html/3.stm#:~:text=The%20average%20age%20of%20the,where%2C%20and%20what%20they%20play.

There evidence some games - older games with map reading - can help older people who are suffering cognitive decline.

There a huge variety out there now - as it's a lesuire activity no worse than TV or books - and there is evidence of people learning from games and there are many games where you play as part of a team.

It's a huge industry:
The video games sector now accounts for more than half of the UK's entire entertainment market, according to a new report. The industry is worth £3.86bn ($4.85bn) - more than double its value in 2007 - said the Entertainment Retailers Association (ERA). That makes it more lucrative than video and music combined.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-46746593

I think the OP probalem is the lazyness and game playing rather than spending time with her or developing a carreer less game playing itself - many on here have similar issues with cycling.