My 31 year old (male) friend is eyeing up 17 and 18 year olds

[Yeeeet]

NC for this.

I know it's legal, but is it not inappropriate?

He's a good friend and we chat often, I've known him 15 years. I've never had any reason to suspect he would go after underage girls so I'm not insinuating that he's a sexual predator, I just find this distasteful.

It's a huge gap and girls this age have next to no life experience. This appears to be a new thing, at least he's never mentioned people of this age to me before.

Last week we met up for lunch and he was telling me about his friends 18 year old daughter who was now talking to him online about his interests, photography and art. He expressed his interest in wanting to get to know her better and joked about how she sat on his knee once before and they were flirting. He made it clear that he was romantically interested.

Today he pops up on WhatsApp talking about another girl, his cousins friend (17 this one) and how she's offering to do some video editing for him for his channel.

He asked me "if we hit it off and end up getting together, do you think 17 is a bit too young"

I responded that absolutely it is.

I'm assuming his friend and his cousin aren't aware he's talking to these girls.

To be honest I think he would go for anybody at the moment as he's lonely, a year out of a long term relationship and feeling a bit down.

However..

He's a 31 year old man with a job, car, house and life experience. These are girls still at home and barely out of school.

Should I reserve my judgement or do you think I should be saying more to him about this?

I don’t have a massive issue with the age gap as I do know relationships that are similar and have worked (not sure how).

But the actively seeking out someone young makes me cringe ( does he think they’re easier to control) and looking at a friends daughter in that way is just sick!
I hope his friend finds out.

I remember hearing about an unwritten rule of dating - half your age plus seven.

So when you're 14, half is 7 plus 7 is 14, so date among your own age group.

For him, 31, half is 15.5, plus 7 = 22.5. 23 would be better.

At 40, the bottom end of his dating range will be 27. It's only a rule of thumb but it does seem to weed out the most extreme age gaps.

17 is out of the range for him and it does make me wonder about whether they would both have more in common with someone closer to their own ages.

I was 18, my ex 32, we were together 4 years. It was all fine and normal.

This. The age gap is a bit inappropriate but I'd have some sympathy if he just found himself in a relationship with a young woman. But he's actively chasing his friends' daughters and quite frankly, that's disgusting. He's obviously titallated by having one of them sitting on his knee. Frankly, I'd consider this grooming, even if the girls are technically of age.

Totally agree. Predatory behaviour and bloody hell I really feel for that poor girl having her dads mates get to know her when she's underage so she's receptive to their advances once she becomes of legal age. Grim.

It's the way he appears to treat them as interchangeable. It doesn't seem as if he really likes one of them as a person and thinks they would be great together, it seems like either one would do.

@cringeworthit

The girl of 17 is probably still at school. He's nearly old enough to be her father.

I think it's dodgy that he is interested in not one but two (that you know of) girls who are so much younger than him. I know that some relationships between a young woman and a much older man can and do work, but he seems to have a 'thing' for teenagers.

How many 14 year old fathers do you know

Pervert

If he is just checking out younger attractive women I’d say that’s normal and totally fine . To act on it and pursue any type of relationship seems strange. Teenagers are not emotionally developed and there is a power gradient . I truly think sometimes these men are counting their lucky stars when a young woman comes across interested , I think almost probably weren’t the cool guys when they were younger and are flattered and excited . They don’t always see the power gradient. I don’t think most of her are creeps , just a bit naive and should know better

I'm not insinuating that he's a sexual predator

You should be. He is.

As well as what everyone else has said, I wonder if these men have a thing for taking a young woman's virginity?