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Original poster

Boyfriend breaks up with me every argument

97 replies

Mgjatpm · 09/08/2020 18:43

Hi. We are mid 20s.
Last night we had an argument as we were having food in his parents garden and he felt by the end of the night I was bejng quiet However I was just tired.

When we got into bed he said in a bitchy time that once again I was quiet. So this started an argument whereby he said i clearly don't like his family and that I am obviously uncomfortable around them.
I like his parents but I feel I can't be tired without being accused of being in a mood. This has happened numerous times.

And then I started getting tearful saying that I don't understand what I've done wrong tonight, I just felt tired and now I'm being told I don't like them and I'm uncomfortable around them.

But what bugs me is he always says "why don't you just break up with me then" or I turned around to sleep and he said "if you go to sleep we'll break up"

I find this really upsetting but he doesn't actually mean it as he never actually breaks up with me.

This is all just making me feel awkward. As he says I come across I don't like them a lot, I feel this is a flaw in my personality as I genuinely don't do it on purpose and I like his family a lot.

I just still feel a but sad about our tiff last night as I don't get why he snapped at me. He is okay with me now but I don't get why he snapped.
Yes I was tired and quiet but I can't be chatty and hyper all the time.

OP posts:
Holothane · 09/08/2020 19:01

Get rid life’s too short he can’t cope with you being tired and quiet, tell him fuck off.💐💐

BarcelonaFreddie · 09/08/2020 19:01

What are his good points, OP? His redeeming features... and how often does he display them?

Chickychickydodah · 09/08/2020 19:03

I was with an asshole like him and he turned out to be a masochistic idiot who nearly killed me. Get out now please.

Merryoldgoat · 09/08/2020 19:03

Get out of this before you’re really entangled. He’s trying to control and manipulate you.

There should be no space in your life for someone like that.

Waveysnail · 09/08/2020 19:03

So you say - theres the door then, goodbye

backseatcookers · 09/08/2020 19:04

God I wish I had left dickheads like this in my 20s. And I'm only 33 now! Long enough for me to learn that over dramatic manipulators like him are fucking exhausting. Insufferably incapable of being reasonable, kind and enjoying life with you. This is a year in with no kids. Imagine being with him long terms with a mortgage, years of shared history and children. He'll still be pulling this shit but you'll find it harder to walk away. I would say "you've mentioned breaking up so many times that either you want to, or you're using it as a way to manipulate me by holding it over my head as a threat. Either of those makes me want to end it permanently so we are over."

Patbutcherismyhero · 09/08/2020 19:07

He sounds pathetic. Next time he 'breaks up with you' say ok then there's the door. Getting tearful and begging him not to just gives him the power he is clearly desperate for. Don't be a victim. This isn't heathy. You need to be assertive and not let men treat you like this.

ClamDango · 09/08/2020 19:07

He says why dont you break up with him because he is a controlling twat and just wants to have another excuse to blame you for something else because he is weak and immature. Are you in a position that you can just say you've had enough, its clearly not working so best we say goodbye. Next time he says why dont you break up with him can you say you're right goodbye. Life is too short and you should be out enjoying yourself.

LightgreenBanana · 09/08/2020 19:09

He doesn’t like you
Leave
Don’t waste your time on this idiot

HeyDuggeesCakeBadge · 09/08/2020 19:12

I had one of these boyfriends in my 20s and it only gets worse, run for the hills! It's a form of control and never being able to be in any kind of mood is another control strategy.

Piffle11 · 09/08/2020 19:13

Oh crikey, he's manipulative. It makes me so sad when I see women going through this sort of thing, wondering how they can make it right … you can't. He's trying to undermine you, making you second guess yourself, and by the sound of it, it's working. His behaviour sounds like something a couple of 16 year olds might do. Believe me - I dated a controlling, manipulative person for several years - it won't get better. In fact, it'll get worse. Things like this - 'you don't like my family' - will be thrown in your face every time he wants to make you feel shit about yourself, and exert his control. He wants you to go out of your way to please him, to do and say what he wants. My ex did this sort of thing. And when I actually used to say, ok, I've had enough, let's split up then … he'd turn on the tears, tell me he always knew I didn't love him enough, always knew I'd screw him over … .wanting me to feel bad and try and make him see that I am a loving person, worthy of his trust. Get rid. He's screwing with your head and he's a shit.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 09/08/2020 19:15

Break up with him.

TempestHayes · 09/08/2020 19:16

That's not a boyfriend, that's an abuse situation waiting to happen.

He's already halfway there. You get 'tearful' after his invented accusations and beg forgiveness. He only has to merely threaten 'a break up' and you'll do anything. Soon, it will be that you cannot see friends or go to work or the dreaded "break-up" will be threatened once more.

By policing how 'quiet' you are at gatherings, he makes it seem too exhausting to bother. See how long it is before he suggests you simply stop going to gatherings "given how you'll only be moody".

I'm sure he tells you you're 'emotional' and 'confusing' and you're always the 'cause' of arguments.

Get out now. Relationships shouldn't be that way.

EmpressJKRowlingSpartacus · 09/08/2020 19:17

I had one of those. Get out NOW.

thefourgp · 09/08/2020 19:17

My ex did this. It’s emotional abuse used to manipulate and control you. It doesn’t matter if he has any good qualities. Trust me, the emotional abuse you will continue to experience will drain you and decrease any confidence you have. Dump him.

CodenameVillanelle · 09/08/2020 19:18

He's not the man for you sweetie. Break up with him and you'll be much happier

barbrahunter · 09/08/2020 19:20

Obviously this kind of treatment is very common. My ex also used to say this whenever he felt I wasn't obeying him enough, the twat. And one day I said 'actually yes, let's split up'. And eventually, after a lot of nastiness on his part, we did.
I wish I had done it a lot sooner. He is not going to improve, OP. Get out now.

TeetotalKoala · 09/08/2020 19:20

He is a controlling arse. He is manipulating you to do exactly what he wants and feel the way that he wants you to feel by threatening to end the relationship.

Now repeat after me and keep repeating until you believe it.

You have done nothing wrong
You have done nothing wrong
You have done nothing wrong
You have done nothing wrong
This is not normal.
This is not healthy.
You are worth more.
You are worth more.
You are worth more.
You are worth more.

Fishfingersandwichplease · 09/08/2020 19:20

He sounds like a right twat who thinks he is in charge. Tell him you can't bear the constant promise of him breaking up with you so you will save him the bother and dump him.

Shoxfordian · 09/08/2020 19:21

Really manipulative

Next time take him at his word and dump him
Don't even wait for next time, do it now

CottonEyeJo · 09/08/2020 19:21

He's over the age of consent right? Cause he sounds about 12.

Dump and move on. A year is nothing and you'll find someone way better.

Supsista · 09/08/2020 19:23

Sounds like he was pissed and you weren't.

Either way he's an arsehole and you are well rid.
This won't get better.

TheAquaticDuchess · 09/08/2020 19:25

Dump him. He’s emotionally manipulative and controlling. No good will come of a man like that.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 09/08/2020 19:25

why don't you just break up with me then

Why don't you? You know he is being a dick. Call his bluff.

Icloud54 · 09/08/2020 19:26

So what happens next time your out together at a family event and your tired? You'll pretend you're not just so he won't be in a mood with you? It's called control and he's controlling how you act and will act in the future!!!