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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think schools should not reopen in Sept?

711 replies

SusanFrimp · 09/08/2020 14:15

I think that schools should not fully reopen in September and instead be partially reopened to some years. It is just not safe enough to reopen yet. I'd say December at the latest for full reopening. If they can't reopen other smaller places, how can they reopen schools with 1000's of kids? AIBU?

OP posts:
Drivingdownthe101 · 09/08/2020 16:47

@ineedaholidaynow

For those that have struggled I would be preparing them that school may need to close every so often in the next few months. In some areas it might be fine but in others it might not
I’m sure parents are trying their best to prepare them for all eventualities.
mbosnz · 09/08/2020 16:48

For those that have struggled I would be preparing them that school may need to close every so often in the next few months.

Absolutely. As much as anything, it's one way to drum into them, they need to follow the rules and guidelines, about social distancing and masks, as well as personal hygiene.

Orchidsindoors · 09/08/2020 16:49

"Saying your child's mental health has been affected doesn't mean that they are very ill, or have a diagnosable condition."

But people are indicating that is the case and that's my point. It's ok to be anxious, it's ok to be sad or cross, but these are normal emotions that we all get. It's also good to be robust and resourceful. I think once people start using language that their kids mental health is going downhill it shows a problem. Mine might be worried one day, sad the next but only for short periods of time. I'd have hated it if when younger I was a bit worried about something and my parents started saying they were worried about my mental health. What I would have been feeling would all be within the realms of normal.

mbosnz · 09/08/2020 16:51

There's quite a spectrum between 'negative impact on mental health', and 'having a diagnosed mental health condition'.

It's a bit like the difference between having a cold (which in itself can be a bit of a sniffle, or feeling at death's door, and having influenza. Or Covid 19.

monkeytennis97 · 09/08/2020 16:52

@RaeCJ82 straw that is breaking the camels back. I never resented it before as I love my job.

Drivingdownthe101 · 09/08/2020 16:54

I'd have hated it if when younger I was a bit worried about something and my parents started saying they were worried about my mental health

Just because someone is expressing concern about their child on an anonymous parenting support forum, it doesn’t mean they’re mentioning it in front of their child.
My kids were fine. They absolutely love school and couldn’t wait to get back when they were allowed to at the beginning of June, but they were fine at home.
Those who are saying their kids aren’t fine at home... well I assume they know their kids better than I (or anyone else who hasn’t met them) do, and that they wouldn’t be worried about it if there was nothing to worry about.

MiniCooperLover · 09/08/2020 16:55

Orchidsindoors, thankfully it sounds like your kids are doing ok and that's great ... for you !!! My 9 year olds mental health has deteriorated hugely. He's an only child who loves, loves, loves his friends and suddenly he couldn't see them. Suddenly he was told there was a virus that could kill me or his dad. We didn't say much generally but school banged it all into them before they finished. We were both working FT WFH and trying to home school, the screaming and refusal was tough for him to do and us to deal with. We managed to get him back to school for the last 4 weeks and suddenly a different, relieved and calmer child. Don't tell people who are worried about their children's mental health that it's ok for them to be upset, etc. That's not your child and not your call !!

FlySheMust · 09/08/2020 16:56

Haha, no I'm not, but I have a career which can be demanding. I would not let myself get to the point where I make some bitter post about giving, giving, giving at the expense of my family.

But you'd laugh at someone who does?

Charming. I guess you aren't in public service, then.

minnieok · 09/08/2020 16:56

What about the kids whose life chances are ruined due to lack of education? Not all parents have encouraged their offspring to even open a book, not everyone has computers or internet, some kids are abused at home and are in real danger. Lack of qualifications is far more likely to reduce their life expectancy than Covid (look at the states, every additional level of education increases average life expectancy). And it's not a case of repeat the year, some kids get kicked out by their parents at 18

LaurieMarlow · 09/08/2020 16:57

Inthink ALL years should be in but in a part time basis (week in, week off). I don't think they should all be back full time. Part time will give them all a chance at being in school and staying at school.

And how are working parents supposed to facilitate that? Including teachers?

AliTheMinx · 09/08/2020 16:57

Schools absolutely must reopen. It's vital to enable the country to start running again and get back to sone semblance of normality. Children need to go back for their mental health and educational needs, and parents need to be freed up to return to work. We need to start learning to live alongside the virus, as opposed to hiding away for ever.

Yellowbutterfly1 · 09/08/2020 16:58

Keep your child home then. Means there will be more space for others who understand the world needs to carry on

SueEllenMishke · 09/08/2020 16:59

@minnieok

What about the kids whose life chances are ruined due to lack of education? Not all parents have encouraged their offspring to even open a book, not everyone has computers or internet, some kids are abused at home and are in real danger. Lack of qualifications is far more likely to reduce their life expectancy than Covid (look at the states, every additional level of education increases average life expectancy). And it's not a case of repeat the year, some kids get kicked out by their parents at 18
This is a real issue. We already have terrible social mobility in the UK. We are running the risk of inequality gaps widening even further.
Orchidsindoors · 09/08/2020 16:59

"While you and your marvellously mentally robust family (Christ I hope they are, for their sake), may have sailed through this without any negative impact to mental wellbeing, perhaps you might want to realise we're all born different, with different personalities, with different pasts, different presents, different family structures and supports, and for others, it might be a lot harder. And that says nothing about them, nor about their parents. Except that they might find it a lot harder."

That's really quite rude. Yes we are mentally robust, thankyou, weve needed to be. But not because of lockdown. Lockdown has been a walk in the park for us. My point is that so many parents seem to jump down the mental health route rather than the "you are upset today, but this will pass" kind of route. Many many more on here than in real life. When I suspect the majority of kids will be alright. Like people saying "schools must absolutely open for my childs mental health" kind of thing. If schools dont open, they will have to just get over it.

monkeytennis97 · 09/08/2020 17:00

@AliTheMinx

Schools absolutely must reopen. It's vital to enable the country to start running again and get back to sone semblance of normality. Children need to go back for their mental health and educational needs, and parents need to be freed up to return to work. We need to start learning to live alongside the virus, as opposed to hiding away for ever.
Fine. AS LONG AS WE HAVE THE PROTECTION OTHERS ARE AFFORDED!
timeforawine · 09/08/2020 17:01

Yes you are VVVVVVUR

SueEllenMishke · 09/08/2020 17:01

Inthink ALL years should be in but in a part time basis (week in, week off). I don't think they should all be back full time. Part time will give them all a chance at being in school and staying at school

And what should working parents do?

minnieok · 09/08/2020 17:01

@ThatDamnScientist

And those who actually have jobs? You know the kind that involve you going to work each day, or working from home without interruption? Not everyone is a sahm and not everyone even has an internet connection at home.

monkeytennis97 · 09/08/2020 17:02

@SueEllenMishke

Inthink ALL years should be in but in a part time basis (week in, week off). I don't think they should all be back full time. Part time will give them all a chance at being in school and staying at school

And what should working parents do?

Same as teachers who are parents too...
monkeytennis97 · 09/08/2020 17:03

@FlySheMust

Haha, no I'm not, but I have a career which can be demanding. I would not let myself get to the point where I make some bitter post about giving, giving, giving at the expense of my family.

But you'd laugh at someone who does?

Charming. I guess you aren't in public service, then.

Thank you Thanks
SueEllenMishke · 09/08/2020 17:03

Exactly monkey it's just not feasible.
I teach at a university- I can't do alternate weeks! The world doesn't work that way

Drivingdownthe101 · 09/08/2020 17:03

Same as teachers who are parents too...

Keyworkers children are likely to be able to attend full time regardless.
People who are not keyworkers still need to work to put food on the table.

minnieok · 09/08/2020 17:06

@Orchidsindoors

I hope you or your kids don't develop mental health problems, with that attitude I fear for them.

Try having a youngster at a&e in crisis, finding razor blades in their room, refusing to eat ... you don't tell them to pull themselves together! Kids are really struggling, they need support not tough love

monkeytennis97 · 09/08/2020 17:06

@Drivingdownthe101

Same as teachers who are parents too...

Keyworkers children are likely to be able to attend full time regardless.
People who are not keyworkers still need to work to put food on the table.

True... Got me thereWink
mbosnz · 09/08/2020 17:06

Yes, mine is mentally robust too, like you, we've needed to be.

However, 'just get over it', isn't actually talking resilience, it's talking possible denial of a real impact felt by an individual, which could be detrimental if not actually acknowledged and dealt with in a meaningful way.

Saw quite a bit of it with parents and teachers after the quakes, when kids were suffering real mental impact, to the point of serious trauma. 'Just get over it', 'it is what it is', 'well, worse things happen at sea'?

Not particularly useful to the kids, had to be said. Generally speaking, those kids who didn't get their trauma acknowledged, and constructively dealt with (eg. counselling, CBT), went on to suffer more serious adverse consequences, with longer lasting negative impacts.

I'm not saying 'schools must open for my kid's mental health'. I'm saying that I know it will have a very positive impact on my kid's mental health if they can safely reopen - for pupils and teachers, and other members of staff. Slight difference.