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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

GP buying sweets!

79 replies

Awkwarddough · 08/08/2020 09:32

I know this has probably been discussed before. But yesterday we went for a picnic at the zoo with my dad and my DS (18 months).

At one point I gave DS a mini chocolate chip cookie, just one, and at the same time my dad gave him a whole bag of foam shrimp and bananas. I took them off him straight away and gave him one of the sweets after his cookie which my dad scoffed at.

We stopped for a cup of tea and DS was happily eating apple and pear slices and raisins, and my dad pushed a giant gingerbread man under his nose. Again I took it from him straight away and broke the head off and gave him that. When I put the rest away my dad got a second gingerbread man out for himself which he waved in front of DS the whole time.

We’re seeing him again tomorrow and when we left to zoo he said to DS ‘I’ll bring more sweets for Sunday’

I really don’t mine him having the odd sweet and treat especially on days out, but we’re trying to teach him that they don’t have a higher worth than his other snacks or food. And I don’t want him to be having snacks from us then my dad pushing snacks on him too.

WIBU to tell my dad to stop giving him treats and if he has treats for him to give them straight to me and I will give them to him so I know he’s not doubling up on snacks?

Also how’s best to tel him? 😂

OP posts:

Fruitsaladjelly · 08/08/2020 18:50

I think it would depend how much contact gp had, if dc is with him regularly then it needs addressing but if this is an occasional treat /visit then I wouldn’t make a big issue. If it’s his teeth you are worried about it’s more of an issue how regularly dc is having something rather than what it is. A cookie followed by apple slices half an hour later followed by raisins Another hour later and squash to sip Is far more damaging than a whole bag of foams sweets all gobbled up at once. Df was a dentist and I was allowed plenty of sweets as long as I ate them all rather than drip feeding throughout the day.

Smorgasbored0000 · 08/08/2020 18:51

I understand where the OP is coming from. If she’s giving her DS sweets then that’s up to her - he is her DS, after all - but if GP then gives sweets the child is having too many. I’ve had the same issue, and I made a point of intercepting the treats several times before DS had a chance to eat them and said that they’d be saved for later. DS now knows to pass anything to me given to him by other people as it’s my decision how many sweets he has. I can’t believe pp think you’re being precious about this. You’re his parent and ultimately if you don’t like someone giving your child sweets then you have a right to say.

lowlandLucky · 08/08/2020 18:59

Jeez oh, how on earth are you going to cope when your child is a teenager and you can't control what he eats or drinks ? Ban all sweets, fizzy drinks and crisps now and watch your teenager live on junk because you made it illicit and he will know exactly how to wind you up

GeorgiaGirl52 · 08/08/2020 19:00

@whereorwhere

Oh god - a bag of sweets once in a blue moon isn't going to kill him. Chill

I agree with Where. You know his granddad wants to bring some sweets so you let him and don't bring yours. I have fond memories of my grandmother who would bring paper bags of her homemade fudge when I saw her. What is really more important - special, happy memories of granddad and gingerbread men or another snack of organic apple slices?

Beautiful3 · 08/08/2020 19:06

Oh my, your dad is exactly like mine!! He is obsessed with giving my children sweets/crisps and chocolate. My kids dont want most of it and keep saying no thanks. He puts it all into a carrier bag for them to take home!!!

oakleaffy · 08/08/2020 19:07

My stepmum forbade all sweets... They had a unique power that was giddyingly intoxicating.

I was bought sweets by dad with the ''Don't tell mummy''..

My son, whom I allowed free rein to sweets doesn't like them....as they have no ''value''...Kids are pretty savvy at knowing ''forbidden fruit''..

Both of us were skinny malinkies ...Don't make a vast fuss about sweets. As long as your DS isn't eating sweets to the detriment of everything else, a few won't matter.

SeasonFinale · 08/08/2020 19:08

Let me guess - PFB?

TheGardenFairy · 08/08/2020 19:10

The highlight of my toddler GC’s weekend stays were when we walked to the shops and they could choose a small bag/bar of chocolate.

Their parents were fine with it.

How much of a gingerbread man did your pre two year old eat OP? I’m guessing a bite - if any 🤷🏻‍♀️

Choose your battles.

oakleaffy · 08/08/2020 19:10

@GeorgiaGirl52
Same here... My Auntie used to babysit....and once Stepmum was out the door....Out would come the boiled sweets...HEAVEN!

Sweet peanuts...Clarnico mint creams... Chocolate limes 💕

The fact they were ''illicit'' made them all the more exciting.

2155User · 08/08/2020 19:13

For me it would all depend on how often you see your dad

3 x a week- just directly say what you would like

1 x a month- just let it go. It's really no big deal

Undercovermuvver · 08/08/2020 19:14

I only came on to find that out too. Pretty sure I know you Lemonysnickett? Cod and Soupy still around?

Anordinarymum · 08/08/2020 19:14

That's what grandparents are for OP They are also here to be told off relentlessly by offspring who think the world revolves around them, forgetting that said grandparent has lived a life, raised three children run her own business and a lot more besides which I can't think of just now on account of being senile :(

celestebellman · 08/08/2020 19:15

As a doctor I also came on to see a bit of health professional outrage - v disappointing!

Agree a whole bag of sweets too much but I’d have been more worried about potential choking hazard than long term health outcomes!

Worst thing I ever did to my toddler was break a gingerbread man in half on Debenhams cafe - the horror! Had to buy another to detraumatise her (and it was actually my stepmother’s idea in this case). I don’t see the problem with a gingerbread man to be honest - they never finish them anyway.

I think on the whole you are being a bit pfb - grandparents like to give sweets, ok if not a daily occurrence.

Countrysidelife54 · 08/08/2020 19:15

My nan and grandad used to always give me sweets when I saw them.
My own Dad loved being a grandad unfortunately he died young, my best memories of him with my kids were pulling lollipops from their ears.
If you dont live with him/see him everyday I think you are over reacting.

1000mangoesinabirthdaycake · 08/08/2020 19:23

I wouldn't be happy with foam/chewy sweets at that age, too much risk of choking, but a bag of buttons or magic stars I wouldn't mind. If it is infrequent then I wouldn't limit the amount, but maybe try and steer your dad away from those kinds of sweets.

JinglingHellsBells · 08/08/2020 19:37

I thought you meant a doctor (GP) was buying sweets and you were angry.

God, I hate this MN 'Dear' prefix- it's so 1950s. No one talks like that in real life. Can we all stop it? :)

Jamhandprints · 08/08/2020 19:38

If you dont see him that often, dont worry about it. I used to say " he's a bit young for these, I'll break one up for him" when MIL and her sister used to throw packets of haribo and myriad other sweets at DS. In the end I trained them to buy a small packet of chocolate buttons as I felt these were safer from a choking point of view.
Although obviously if your child has eaten a raisin or slice of apple then you might as well put golden syrup in a syringe.
Only joking, you sound like you have a very healthy attitude to food so your son will too. I really wouldnt worry to much.

SnickettyLemon · 08/08/2020 19:48

@Undercovermuvver- I Only came on to find that out too. Pretty sure I know you Lemonysnickett? Cod and Soupy still around?
Not sure if you are referring to me, I am SnickettyLemon, her twin from a parallel universe

OverTheRainbow88 · 08/08/2020 19:51

My mum does this... both kids sat happily eating their lunch and she walks in the room eating a huge choc cookie... cue meltdowns/tantrums/refusing their lunch now!

Thisisnotataste · 08/08/2020 19:52

I get you OP. You don't object to the sweets totally just the volume and frequency
Maybe lay that out at the start of the day- DC is only going to have 1(2, 3 however many) small cookie/sweets today. Im really happy for you to be the one to give it to them but I don't want to give them too much. Can we agree on that?

forrestgreen · 08/08/2020 19:54

"Please don't feel you have to buy ds love with sugar, it's got to every time we see you, you give him some"

rach2713 · 08/08/2020 19:57

Do what I do with my dad when he does that I give a few to my kids then I eat the rest really winds him up but hay I get sweets to 😂 😂

nicky7654 · 08/08/2020 20:10

I don't know why this is made into an issue. It's a treat for DS to spend time with Grandad and greets are part of the special day. My Dear Nan used to buy me sweets sometimes and I remember it fondly.

Thisisnotataste · 08/08/2020 20:14

All the posters saying they remember their grandparents sweets fondly... at 18months? Really?!
My in laws are the same - but they stopped. They always insisted DD was longing for sweets and chocolate at 6 months. Was she fuck. We held out until 2 and now she has them occasionally and isn't upset if she doesn't have them. I had chocolate and sweets all the time as a child. I have zero self control now.

Original poster

Awkwarddough · 08/08/2020 20:32

I’m glad to see lots of you understand where I’m coming from. As previously said, we try to feed him healthy at home so that when we’re out he can have treats, snacks and convenience food (raisins!). But there is still a limit on the amount of I want him to have. Of course I understand my dad wants to treat him, but I want him to see my dad for other reasons than ‘he brings sweets’. At 18 months old a whole bag of sweets is not appropriate, imo a treat is one or two sweets but in the way my dad is doing it he is ending up with lots of extra sugar.

We are going to try saying that we are going to take the treats home for in his treat jar... we’re seeing my dad tomorrow and there’ll be birthday cake, so I definitely don’t want extra sweets being pushed on ds then!

OP posts:

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