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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

GP buying sweets!

79 replies

Awkwarddough · 08/08/2020 09:32

I know this has probably been discussed before. But yesterday we went for a picnic at the zoo with my dad and my DS (18 months).

At one point I gave DS a mini chocolate chip cookie, just one, and at the same time my dad gave him a whole bag of foam shrimp and bananas. I took them off him straight away and gave him one of the sweets after his cookie which my dad scoffed at.

We stopped for a cup of tea and DS was happily eating apple and pear slices and raisins, and my dad pushed a giant gingerbread man under his nose. Again I took it from him straight away and broke the head off and gave him that. When I put the rest away my dad got a second gingerbread man out for himself which he waved in front of DS the whole time.

We’re seeing him again tomorrow and when we left to zoo he said to DS ‘I’ll bring more sweets for Sunday’

I really don’t mine him having the odd sweet and treat especially on days out, but we’re trying to teach him that they don’t have a higher worth than his other snacks or food. And I don’t want him to be having snacks from us then my dad pushing snacks on him too.

WIBU to tell my dad to stop giving him treats and if he has treats for him to give them straight to me and I will give them to him so I know he’s not doubling up on snacks?

Also how’s best to tel him? 😂

OP posts:
IHaveBrilloHair · 08/08/2020 17:51

A Dr is buying a toddler named Jeff sweets.
This has really made me laughGrin

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 08/08/2020 17:52

You know your dad is going to want to spoil him with treats, in your shoes I would not take anything sweet to give myself, and let my dad do it. But yes just be blunt & factual about quantity "a couple is enough, he's too little to eat more than that, it will ruin his teeth & spoil his appetite".

katy1213 · 08/08/2020 17:54

One foam shrimp and a bite of gingerbread man - that's a lifetime of rotten teeth and obesity!

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 08/08/2020 17:54

Ps absolutely DON'T ask your dad to give treats to you for you to dole out. You know full well he wants to be the one handing out the sweetie. He's grandad!

AldiAisleofCrap · 08/08/2020 17:54

Raisins are far worse for teeth than gingerbread.

ChocolateOO · 08/08/2020 17:56

I would have let him a Gingerbread man personally. But I don't personally give mine sweets. I give them bits of chocolate because I feel it's safer than sweets. I feel sweets come with a high choking risk.

I also think a whole bag of sweets is too much. But a little Milky bar or buttons at that age wouldn't bother me

Mine also love fruit and raw carrot and pepper. So I'm able to give healthy snacks easily too x

Spied · 08/08/2020 17:57

Your Dad is trying to be kind and obviously loves his grandson and wants to treat him.
He's probably also trying to form a bond with his dgs and unfortunately in your dad's day often sweets were given and shared to show affection.
I know I always had a pocket of illicit sweets from my dgm.

Shouldbedoing · 08/08/2020 18:01

The choking hazard was on my mind too, especially if Grandad starts sneaking him sweets.
GD won't be up to date with that risk if he ever was.

fuckingcovid · 08/08/2020 18:09

Making sweets forbidden fruit, so to speak actually makes them more desireable. Just give a few now and then and ask your dad not to buy in excess

dottiedodah · 08/08/2020 18:18

I understand where you are coming from .My own GM used to buy me sweets ,and DF was strict about sweets only on Friday, and cleaning of teeth as well afterwards! Although your DF sees them as a "treat" maybe he could lay off them until the afternoon or after lunch anyway!"Foam shrimps and Bananas are very high in additives as well"Just say ,can you just buy some sweets and keep them for later ,or one or two and keep the rest for next time!

SunshineCake · 08/08/2020 18:20

@NotEverythingIsBlackandWhite

So it is okay for you to feed your DS crap, but not his GF?

It rather depends on how often you see your dad and he gives your DS treats. I would tell dad that he is only little so a whole bag of sweets or a whole gingerbread man is too much. if you don't see him often, if I were you, I would let my dad have the pleasure of giving small amounts of treats to my son ...and you not give any.

I didn't get loads but have fond memories of my now-deceased nan giving me sweeties or fruit and cream.

Well yes since he's her child, not the grandad's Hmm.
Roselilly36 · 08/08/2020 18:25

Unless your DS is seeing his GP daily, and there are sweets everyday, does it matter? I would probably be that GP, when the time comes too.

Lozz22 · 08/08/2020 18:26

@SnickettyLemon

I only came on here to find out why your local Dr. was buying illicit candy! Grin
Same!! I was totally disappointed 😂
ivfdreaming · 08/08/2020 18:27

I don't see the problem personally unless you live with the GP and they are with your son every minute of every day

I fear you have a VERY bad case of Precious First Born Syndrome - don't worry you'll soon get over it

Lozz22 · 08/08/2020 18:31

@RedHelenB

Relax.Going to the shop with my Grandpa to choose sweets was one of my favourite childhood memories. You're being very precious.
Mine too!! In the cupboard at my Nana and GanGan's there was an ice cream carton full of sweets and we could have some on each visit. When I was little my Mum worked in a newsagent that had a penny sweet counter and when me and my Nana went down when she was in I'd be straight behind the counter munching on the sweets (paid for afterwards of course) my teeth are perfectly fine 30 or so years later without a single filling
compulsivesnacker · 08/08/2020 18:34

I’m also disappointed that this isn’t a health professionals thread. I only came on to say that our dentist sells boxes of biscuits for his wife’s fundraiser. It makes me laugh when I go and people leave with a new toothbrush, floss, and a box of custard creams. Grin

1Morewineplease · 08/08/2020 18:36

I’m trying to work out how you wouldn’t let your child have gingerbread but happily gave raisins.

FadedRed · 08/08/2020 18:39

It’s not just the sweeties though, is it? It’s that your father thinks it’s ‘funny’, acceptable, ok to go against what you, quite reasonably, want for your child.
Could you ask him, calmly, what would he have done if someone ‘over ruled’ his decisions when you were a child? Would he have thought that was acceptable behaviour from his parents/relatives, or did his word go?
It’s disrespectful to you as an adult and as a parent.

Flynn999 · 08/08/2020 18:40

If you know your meeting your dad and he’s liable to give your child a gingerbread man every once in a while then just let him. Based on you saying it’s a rare family outing, your child’s life will not be ruined because grandad smuggled him a little bag of sweeties. Assuming he’s not forcing massive bags of haribo on your child I’d let him crack on. Your happy to let your child have cookies and sultanas/raisins, a gingerbread man wont ruin his teeth. Sounds like you just don’t want your dad giving your D.C. sweets.

MiddlesexGirl · 08/08/2020 18:40

At 18 months old, OP is absolutely right to be refusing to allow DC to have a bag of sweets. One or two is plenty.
I'd discuss with GP beforehand - 'can you let me know if you're bringing sweets so I don't need to. And I'd like to limit it to x y and z'. If GP tries to give more just take it from DC and give back to GP repeating 'I'd like to limit it to x y and z'.

AAT65 · 08/08/2020 18:43

My dear Granpa handed out Pan Drops. You only ever got one.

BobFleming · 08/08/2020 18:45

The sweets would be an absolute no-no for me. I never gave mine sweets, ever. And at only 18 months, you can easily avoid biscuits too.

People would say 'when they're older they will crave sugar and crap' but it has never happened.

Floralnomad · 08/08/2020 18:45

Unless he’s seeing grandad most days I really couldn’t get worked up about this , if your child has a healthy diet ( not cookies and raisins) for 95% of the time a gingerbread man occasionally will make little difference .

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 08/08/2020 18:46

Its what my auntie used to call cupboard love.
My mother did this to mine when they were babies. I once caught her trying to give him a mars bar in his cot!
Its your child, your rules and whilst the odd sweet won't hurt they can't use that as a reason to completely ignore your wishes. he basically gave the child an entire bag and a large sugary biscuit. If you don't want that happening you have to have the talk but I guarantee he will try to get round it.
Asking him to give sweets to you directly won't work because as I say, cupboard love, and he wants to be the one to give the child things and enjoy the reaction. Which is quite cute actually.
Can you make a list of things he can give him..a little toy or something? or give him the lunch box and let him feed the DC actual lunch whilst you take a step back.

jessstan2 · 08/08/2020 18:49

@beepbeepsheep

"It's really nice of you to buy sweets for DS but I'm trying to limit his sugar intake". Be direct and honest. Let him scoff if he wants, it's your DS not his. My MIL acted as though me not letting baby DD1 have chocolate was some serious deprivation and that she'd never get over the trauma Hmm
My mother and my in laws were the same. I was fighting a losing battle.

Op, stick to your guns. A few sweets occasionally are fine but it's better for children not to grow up used to them.

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