Seeing Friends Without Their Children?

[Pollypocket89]

Lighthearted... Aibu to want to see my friend without her children?

My friend is wonderful and her children are lovely but every time we see each other is when their dad is at work so my friend has sole responsibility for her 2 and 4 year old.

When I see them, they want my attention too and want us all to play which we do but I don't feel certain subjects are appropriate around children even though my friend says its OK or being interrupted after 5 minutes (understandably, they're little)

This is more of a lighthearted rant as right now, there's no actual solution... I'd just love to go for an adult outing with my friend :D

'urghh what a shitty comment - you wouldnt be a friend of mine anymore. wouldn't be worth arranging childcare for people with this attitude.'

Don't sweat it, have a little feeling we wouldn't be friends in the first place

This is why people who are the first to have kids in a circle of friends tend to end up left out as the friends without kids don’t want to meet up with a toddler there (they don’t mind cute babies but once they are toddlers they don’t want to know). I’d focus on finding friends who don’t have kids if you can’t accommodate friends who have children.

One of my best friends who I’ve been friends with since childhood had her first child 4 years before I had mine, I’ve actually gone to the play centre on more than 1 occasion to meet her for a brew and I didn’t have a child. It was a running joke that I hated the play centre (and I still do) but I wanted to see my friend. We used to love a night out etc but that isn’t always possible once kids come along. Now I also have kids and we are on the same page, our friendship is as strong as it’s ever been. If I wanted to talk to her about things not for children’s ears I chat over messenger. We aren’t 18 anymore, we are mid 30s married with children!

I’d focus on finding friends who don’t have kids if you can’t accommodate friends who have children
_

Do people read anything the op says here anymore?

Um op, is your child a similar age? Is she actually expecting you to bring your child so that the kids will play together/occupy each other & you can chat?

I sometimes can't get rid of my kids and love it when a mate brings theirs as then the children play and dont bother me so much!

'Do people read anything the op says here anymore?'

No not really just focus on the bits to pull apart.

Bet you're glad to have all these fantastic tips Op and insights into exactly what your friend is thinking

My dc is a year and a half difference but no, she's not expecting me to bring them :)

@MarthasGinYard

Really? Wouldnt you want to? You could offer that as it might solve the issue as the children can play and you can chat!

'Really? Wouldnt you want to? You could offer that as it might solve the issue as the children can play and you can chat!'

A 2 year old

A 4 year old

Now bring an 18 month into the equation and you can 'chat'

I sympathise op.
Can you suggest meeting in a more 'adult setting' ?
Say something like , shall we meet at a time when your dh can watch the kids so that you get time to chill and relax.

It’s a bit odd that you wouldn’t take your own child with that age gap.

No way in hell would I use up a child-free pass to go and sit with someone else’s toddler!!

I was thinking it might be a 5.5 yr old, in which case that's a similar gap to my kids & my nephew and it works well.

No, I wouldn't want to, correct. If my child is there, then I can't concentrate and talk to my friend either

She’s probably equally as frustrated by this as you are. I’m in the exact same situation as your friend and it’s tough - I spend all day alone with preschoolers, and I’m just yearning for some adult conversation and interaction. Also an extra hand to play with the kids doesn’t go amiss sometimes!
My preference is always to see friends in the evening for proper 1:1 time, like you, and your friend probably feels this way too. But when life makes that impossible, seeing people in the day is the next best thing; at least I get to see them and get a tiny bit of mental stimulation!! You’re being a good friend to keep seeing her in the day, I’m sure it frustrates her equally as much. I hope you get your evenings together back soon.

Her Dh being too tired to have the kids and them wanting to see each other is a really really lame excuse.

'Can you suggest meeting in a more 'adult setting' ? Say something like , shall we meet at a time when your dh can watch the kids so that you get time to chill and relax.'

Yes, say that op as it won't have occurred to her!

She doesn't want to see you without her kids, suck it up or see other friends. Its life op, we aren't all the same.

'She doesn't want to see you without her kids'

That's rather odd statement you keep making.

I think it's more likely down to the current situation re their work Op. your childfree lunches will recommence soon I hope

Ps agree with PPs, if she cant ever agree to a single evening or weekend, she doesnt want to. She would make it happen if she did. Or her DH is a useless fecker who is making it hard for her.

I have the opposite problem. My best friend has two lovely kids and I enjoy seeing them very much. However, I think because I am childless, friend sees spending time with me as child free time and likes to do spa days, lunch and shopping etc. In a way it's nice as our friendship hasn't changed much since she had the kids whereas I have lost touch with other friends when they have had families.

Don't worry, Martha, I'm ignoring posts saying she doesn't want to see me etc as I'm the only one who actually knows her thank you, though. It is the situation like we both said

YANBU at all ! I understand your point totally as I am in the same boat myself. I’ve been accommodating for years, but it would be nice if kids were left at home once or twice.

it's not forever - theyll soon be of an age where they dont want to be with me 24/7 and I'll get to be selfish again. until that day, like it or lump it, the kids are coming with me

The thing is, strawberrypip, that by time all your friend may have moved on. If you want friends in ten years time, treat em well.

I completely agree OP, a balence is best. Ideally for me I'd do 50/50 adults only and bring the kids.

I'd probably cancel until she'd got some childcare

My ”friends” just wouldn't ask me in case I couldn't get a baby sitter. When I found this out, I pointed out that I didn't need a baby sitter as my (now ex) husband was home and they thought that was most unreasonable to have him parent his own child...

That’s one of my pet hates. “Oh we didn’t invite you because we just assumed you wouldn’t be able to come!” - maybe let me make that decision for myself?!