Husband said I'm not pulling my weight

[Hocuspocusandfairies]

Had an argument with my husband as I was upstairs playing a word search game on iPad. The children are ready for bed so no issues. They're happy and will be going up shortly. My husband has been doing DIY today and has had some down time in between watching his programmes. I've cooked lunch, dinner, dressed kids, vacuumed and mopped all downstairs. Done washing drying and put clothes away. Also dealt with kids which is constant.

Is it normal to never stop or have any down time? I'm not lazy by any means but the way he said that suggested he thinks I am,

What does he think you should be doing that you're not?

Ask him where your equivalent to his downtime is. Write down both schedules and tot up downtime for the day. Don’t cook or wash anything for him. Don’t tidy.

Putting the kids to bed.

Unless you are leaving out loads of things he’s done or exaggerating what you have done, he is being unreasonable.

When I try and sit down I get constantly interrupted but the kids as they always want me. I was only on iPad for a short time and I thought everyone was happy

Oh, tell him to fuck off. Stupid little man. I cannot BEAR this behaviour. I'm cross on your behalf.

How old are the children? I have a toddler so neither of us really has downtime until he's in bed, one is usually wrangling the kamikaze baby while the other is doing something (like the chores, coming and DIY in your OP) or we're all doing something together. I'd be annoyed if I was putting DS to bed and DH was playing games if there were things to do (which there always seem to be)

*cooking

He's not lazy but neither am I. I don't like the assumption though that if I'm sitting down and he's busy then I'm lazy as when I cook dinner he sits down and watches tv

My ex was also a dramatic twat when I ever picked up a book. Huge 'don't bother talking to dm, dc she is far too busy'... He expected me hands on 24 /7 basically..
Exh..

Is this a regular occurrence or a one off?

Ok say to him he can do the cooking, cleaning, getting the kids dressed and entertaining them tomorrow. You are going off to see your folks etc - just be out of the house for most of the day if possible. See if he thinks what you do is 'not pulling your weight'.
My friends husband gets all snarky with her: 'and what did you do today dear'. I always want to hit him. Who did the dishes/laundry/cooked his meals/arranged the car insurance/mot whatever. Booked the plumber, paid the bills, did the grocery shopping, paid his parking ticket, took out the recycling, walked the dog, cleaned the bathrooms. She did. All of it. He sat on his arse doing his paid job while she ran up and down the stairs with his coffee. He works five days a week about 8-10 hours a day. She works seven days a week, About 12 hours a day. Tot up what you do. Maybe having it in black and white will give him pause.

Feral kids, yes it's a bit like that to be honest. Micro managing what I should be doing. I could understand if I'd done nothing but did all the cooking, food prep and washing

Sounds like he's pissed off that he actually had to watch his own kids for a bit while you had a break. Knob.

Kids are 6, 8 and 10

Please don't write anything down in a bid to prove that you're busy all day. Just tell him to sod off.

Ten storey, it's something he says if he's pissed off with me or about something

What he really means is how dare you sit down while I am still doing something

Sadly the same does not apply in reverse. It’s a very common attitude among men
If your kids are young generally as parents you have down time at different times because one of you is needed to supervise the kids. That’s normal

I’d have a discussion with him that starts with the agreement that you both get the same amount of downtime. Then ask for his suggestions of how that should happen.
I’d say it can happen unless you are sharing the day to day chores equally and if there is extra unusual stuff that needs doing like DIY that this means one of you might do extra normal stuff while the other does the diy. Is that what’s happening??

You need to draw a line right now. Tell your husband in no uncertain terms that you have a right to the same amount of downtime as he gets, and that your children are both your responsibility, not just yours. He doesn't get to micromanage you like this. Firm but immovable, stand your ground. And if he keeps doing this, you know what to do.

Your work is invisible to him . I mentioned in a thread recently that dh and I did have a it of this in the past. But he got it. I explained yelled excessively all the millions of things I was doing that he just didnt even notice. We dont have these problems anymore.

They dont always get t though. Good luck.

Yours are plenty old enough for some downtime and I just saw her day and watched TV while you cooked! Tell him to fuck off

He sat

6, 8 & 10???? Surely you could have an hour to yourself without all hell breaking loose? I regularly have my children and my niece of the same ages and I can spend all afternoon reading downstairs whilst they role play upstairs!