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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

GD being abused, SW don't want to know what do I do?

72 replies

lifesabitchandthenyoudie · 07/08/2020 17:01

Hi, basically a newbie so please be gentle - but tell me what I need to know! My GD has contact with her dad, told my DD (her mum) yesterday that he is kissing her with an open mouth (she was doing it and her mum asked her why); further chatting and she showed her mum how... using her tongue as well. We are both freaked out and horrified. There is a court order for contact so she can't just stop. Relationship was emotionally and physically abusive, he is a very dangerous character. DD phoned her lawyer, was told to call social services - they are not interested at all! She tried to take it higher and has now had a stroppy phone call from the original SW. Lawyer has said to call the police. We are in Scotland. Is there any advice or are we BU?

OP posts:
KittyFantastico · 07/08/2020 17:10

Phone the police and report it then take the next steps from there. They can make an emergency protection order stopping his contact if there are grounds to do so and if he is arrested and bailed then he won't be allowed contact with your GD as part of the bail conditions.

Muppetry76 · 07/08/2020 17:12

Police. Immediately.

SleepingStandingUp · 07/08/2020 17:12

She absolutely has to stop contact. What if next time she comes home and says he touched her or worse??

Hope old is DD?

PLEASE call the police

AvoidingRealHumans · 07/08/2020 17:12

Call the police .. now! And stop contact - no court order would have me sending my child to someone who is doing that to them.
I wouldn't question the child any further but just let them know that it isn't acceptable and no one is allowed to do that to them. When asking questions we can unintentionally put words in the child's mouth, wait for a professional to ask them about it.

OrangeSlices998 · 07/08/2020 17:13

Police. SS will become involved then, but police would be my first port of call.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 07/08/2020 17:14

Police and no contact! What the hells wrong with anyone who thinks they need still see him

LizzieBlackwell · 07/08/2020 17:14

Follow the lawyers advice and call the police

Hairthrowaway · 07/08/2020 17:16

I’m not sure what to say as you have a solicitor who will give you advice miles better than anyone on here can. Actual legal advice is the gold standard compared to randoms online. They’ve suggested to call the police so do so.

justthecat · 07/08/2020 17:16

100 % police involvement

Original poster
lifesabitchandthenyoudie · 07/08/2020 17:19

Thank you
I think she's worries a hell of a lot, she's scared the court will go his side for some reason. I think she is talking to them now, we both thought SW would do more! But yes, I will do all I can to make sure he is out of the picture!

OP posts:
Cantbutwill · 07/08/2020 17:20

Lawyer said to call the police - so definitely call the police.

thorliscious · 07/08/2020 17:23

Police. How awful!

Original poster
lifesabitchandthenyoudie · 07/08/2020 17:24

Sorry forgot - she's five. Scary stuff. I'm just astonished at SW's response, I guess! Hopefully the police will be better. They weren't great on her rape charge though...

OP posts:
HeronLanyon · 07/08/2020 17:27

Just phone the police op.
Good luck.

The court could go against Jenny only if it were clear she (and you) had been lying about this and/schooled you gc to say this etc. Or her living situation is so toxic that you fc said it for attention etc.

Assuming those are not the case then you have clear duty to protect her - call police.

Do be aware that children do also say these things for all sorts of reasons (dependant in age etc) so just go carefully but for now report it.

No se would ignore this type of allegation so either it was not actually reported or you should make an urgent complaint to whoever is head of children’s services at your local authority. If it were me I would also
Ask for that se it to
Continue overseeing contact arrangements.

Make sure any lawyer knows about sw failing to do their job if indeed this is what happened.

HeronLanyon · 07/08/2020 17:27

Jenny ??? I meant ‘her’.

BertandErnie1 · 07/08/2020 17:27

It’s already been said, but you need to contact the police. This is a crime so the police should be the first port of call. They will draft in social work.
There will be more concern if it isn’t reported, than if it is.

IAmTooBloodyHot · 07/08/2020 17:29

@lifesabitchandthenyoudie

Sorry forgot - she's five. Scary stuff. I'm just astonished at SW's response, I guess! Hopefully the police will be better. They weren't great on her rape charge though...
Whose rape?
OverTheRainbow88 · 07/08/2020 17:32

I would not allow any access at all, regardless of the court order. Certainly not outside a contact centre, even there I would fight not to.

I would call the police ASAP, this is very very worrying and I dread to think what might happen if contact is continued.

Kittykat93 · 07/08/2020 17:35

Your daughter was raped by this man? Sorry if I've misunderstood. Either way, your granddaughter must stop contact with her father. He's sexually abusing her. Im suprised no one has already called the police.

IceCreamSummer20 · 07/08/2020 17:38

I’d also call the police myself or go with your daughter to the police. They will advise best. It is shocking that SW have reacted like they did. We all have a duty of are to a child - if there is suspicions of abuse then we ourselves as adults would be negligent if we did not take action to prevent it.

newtb · 07/08/2020 17:42

Heron - what a load of crap. Victim blaming. It wasn't something that the gd 'said' but an action she repeated in all innocence.

Agree with all the pp who've said police. I agree

bringbacksideburns · 07/08/2020 17:43

Hope the Police help. I'd also ring your Children's services, ask to speak to their complaints officer and report SW to their Manager.

Do not let her go back to him.

2bazookas · 07/08/2020 17:43

Call the police and report what the child said, right away. If your DD won't do make the call then you must. They will take it from there.

FourPlasticRings · 07/08/2020 17:43

Crikey. I know social services thresholds are stupidly high in some places, but it's incredibly sad and frustrating.

Gobbycop · 07/08/2020 17:45

It doesn't matter about a court order with an allegation of this gravity.