In thinking this isn't normal?

[Minkyscamp]

Discussion with my mum earlier trying to arrange a bbq for this weekend after not having spoken to her for a few days:

Mum: shall we do Saturday or Sunday?
Me: Sunday would be better as I have to take DS to the hospital on Saturday. He was in A&E yesterday with a problem with his foot, and they want to see him again tomorrow - no idea how long that will take.
Mum: ok, Sunday then. How much chicken shall I bring?

Then the conversation continued about the bbq and that was it. No 'Oh I hope he's ok now?' or what was wrong?'. She has no natural empathy at all ( or interest in her grandkids for that matter). It's been an ongoing gripe, but this really pissed me off.

It's not normal is it?

[eatsleepread]

Mumsnet at its batshit finest, this thread. Only on here would the OP be considered unreasonable.

[DailyDuckie]

I understand completely where you are coming from. My MIL is very similar in these situations. She tends to gossip a bit so when we have told her things previously and explain it’s not to go any further she will then treat that as let’s not talk about it at all She would never ask again about it! But For example with my previous pregnancy I was admitted in the late stages of pregnancy due to unexplained bleeding I had to be monitored the works. I told my partner you better call your mum and let her know. Her response was ‘oh ok’ - not how is she, how’s the baby, who’s looking after the other children. None of that just ‘ok’. I’ve learnt as much as it drives me insane I just have to take it with a pinch of salt. Some people just don’t get it.

[PlanDeRaccordement]

The entire conversation was strange. You and mum are talking which day for a bbq but then that train of thought is completely derailed by DS and hospital. Then it’s back on the rails.

Why the change out of nowhere in subject? Do you have ADHD OP?

So that’s not normal. And then, I agree your mum not asking after DS but getting back to original subject wasn’t normal either.

It is all not normal.

[thepeopleversuswork]

My dad is like this. I just think some people are inherently bad at "hearing" others in conversation; they're always basically waiting to respond as opposed to actually listening to what the other person is saying.

I agree with you: its rude and thoughtless and adults should have grown out of it so I don't buy this stuff about you mentioned it incidentally so its not central to the conversation. If someone mentions that a family member has been in hospital you follow up. It's just good manners.

I have to say, though, that if your mum is anything like my dad she just won't get it.

[giantangryrooster]

Why the change out of nowhere in subject? Do you have ADHD OP

Please don't go there. OP was trying to tell amidst all of her mums BBQ talk, and from bad experiences probably made it as casual as possible.

[giantangryrooster]

and here a little ' from mums to mum's

[Anniegetyourgun]

Does anyone remember a satirical panel show called If I Ruled the World? It had a weekly segment called "I couldn't disagree more", where one team had to make a statement that absolutely nobody could reasonably disagree with (such as "the sinking of the Titanic was a bad thing") and the other team had to find a way of disagreeing with it. AIBU is so totally like that.

[1forAll74]

Sometimes one forgets to ask an important question, I may have done that myself in the past. I am an oldie. and often forget to ask about something that is important to other people.

[pigsDOfly]

There's some odd responses on here.

If I'd rung my DD to ask her about an arrangement and she said something along the lines of what you said OP, my immediate reaction would be be 'Oh, what's wrong with his foot, is he okay?'

Obviously, you and I, and a few other pps are the odd ones on mn OP, amid the diagnoses of ADHD and hypochondria and the acceptability of just completely ignoring the fact that you've just heard your GS has had to attend hospital.

[InTheWings]

No, it isn't usual.
Most grandparents would pick it up and ask straight away.

Is she usually like this? Is she lacking in empathy, self absorbed, just vague and only asks if you seem to suggest it;'s serious or a bit spectrummy? Or are you worried about her cognitive ability?

[billy1966]

OP,
I hope his foot is ok, and you get out of A&E quickly.

YADNBU.

Please don't take on board some of the ridiculous responses on here🙄

It is very strange that she wouldn't ask.
She obviously has form as you hadn't informed her earlier about it.

Personally I'd blow off any bloody BBQ and suit yourself completely.

Mind yourself.

[giantangryrooster]

What's going on with mn? This is the third or fourth thread within a couple of days that has gone completely batshit.

[TeenPlusTwenties]

It's not normal, no.

But neither is it normal not to have told the GM about the A&E trip already.

[JellyFishSquish]

Not normal. I'd have been right in there if this was mentioned about one of my GC.

[LizzieAnt]

You're right, OP. The lack of concern shown by your mother is unusual.

[Lazypuppy]

I find it weird you didn't tell her when you actually took him to a&e

[speakout]

Whenever my kids have had to go hospital I've almost always text mum saying something like "God you wont believe where I am...a&e because x/y/z happened

We don't all work that way.

[speakout]

I have a narcissist mother.
Always all about her.

[EveryDayIsADuvetDay]

Odd that she didnt ask, but maybe thought that if you were happy to discuss and attend a barbecue, you didn't rate it as serious?

[VoyageInTheDark]

Yanbu your mum's being weird

[Nonnymum]

If one of my grandchildren had been to a A and E I think my daughter would have told me at the time. Or when they returned. I am pretty sure she would have told me they had to return for it to be checked and not wait for a conversation about a BBQ so yes it was odd your mum didn't ask about their GC but it was odd you hadn't mentioned it to her earlier. Maybe she thought you would tell her rather than wait for her to ask.

[ChristmasFluff]

I dunno, if something awful had happened to son, I'd have told my Dad straight away. So I'm pretty sure he'd have carried on BBQ arranging, and then asked about son as an afterthought, cos it couldn't have been important, or he'd already know?. But to not ask at all?

But you probably know already your mum isn't right, otherwise you'd have chatted about your son with her before

[GlottalStrop]

Very strange. YANBU.

[SoupDragon]

I think it's weird that she didn't say anything but I also think it's weird that you didn't tell her when you got back from A&E. I used to tell my mum whenever I got back from A&E/minor injuries with a child.