To let you into a secret about being slim.....

[Yellow1793]

I’m 5’2” and an untoned size 10. Over the last year or so (lockdown excluded) I’ve spent extended amounts of time with 4 different female friends, who are all taller, slimmer and considerably more toned than me. Aside from the fact that they all exercise at least 5 times a week, they also eat like birds. Their lifestyle revolves around making healthy choices, every single day, and I’m beginning to wonder if you do this consistently if you just stop feeling hungry. One of them regularly skips lunch. Another never has more than 2 glasses of alcohol in one sitting. Another always eats about 30% less than I do.....last time I was with her she had a small pasta portion for her lunch whilst serving me 3x the amount of pasta she had AND 2 sausages. No wonder she is tiny. None of them calorie count or talk about diets because their lifestyle choice is one big diet. I’d love to have their discipline.

That's my downfall- I'm fairly retrained during the week, but come Friday night it all goes to pot!

I’m slim, and remember noting when eating with two of my overweight friends, how much more than me they ate. And the high calorie choices they would make.

Both would order double the amount of food than me, when out. Both matched or exceeded what their husbands ate at home.
Both are a full English breakfast while I ate oatcakes & a banana.

I don’t diet, I just eat well. They always complain of being fat, and go on diets / obsess about it. Seems obvious to me... They also drive to the shops, whereas I walk.

Both of these friends are either on a diet or off one. The problem is when they are “off” one, they eat with abandon, then try to mitigate the damage by “going” on a diet...

Something that has struck e in this discussion of what a woman needs to eat is the fact that on average, women need to eat quite a bit less than men. Yet we so often have threads on here with women complaining about older female family members (usually their MIL but sometimes their DM/DGM/GMIL) serving what they call "penis portions." Because these older women are in the habit of serving more food to the men. They are called sexist and misguided and old fashioned and complained about. Yet the reality is that women ideally should not be eating as much as men as our biological calorie needs are usually less.

I know that eating same sized meals as my husband certainly contributed to me gaining weight. My weight was always healthy when I was single but slowly and steadily rose once we moved in together and me eating as much as him was a big part of that. Now for us, there was the additional factor that I'm a small woman and he's a tall man but that was balanced somewhat by my job and hobby at the time being physical and his being sedentary. But overall, if a woman consistently eats portions the same size as her husband/father/brother/etc, unless her life is very active and theirs extremely sedentary, she probably is over eating.

Agree @alittleprivacy- I always think that when I see those threads about penis portions too. My mum does it, but it never bothers me as I don't want extra, DH is welcome to it. I think I serve DH and I quite similar portions- maybe a little more than me, but he will go back and eat the leftovers and have more snacks between meals than me, so overall he eats more. Also, he's not that much taller than me.

I always serve bigger portions to my boyfriend. He naturally requires more calories and is trying to gain weight after being underweight. I've never thought "penis portions" were sexist.

A snack to me is a small meal

To me, a small meal eaten in the morning is breakfast, or brunch... Or lunch in the afternoon... Or dinner, supper, tea, whatever in the evening... It's a meal, just small. You can have a big meal or a small one.

For example... Crisps and a drink to me is a snack.
Crisps and a sandwich and a drink is a meal (lunch for example)

I've always been an 8/10 at 5ft 3 except when pregnant when I gained 3 stone each time and lost 3.5 stone each time naturally over a year. 3 years ago I had a mental breakdown. At the time I was about half a stone underweight. I was started on high doses of psychiatric medications. Over the 3 years I was in hospital (just got out) I gained 8 stone despite being on a hospital diet, 2 meds to help lose weight and excercised for an hour 4 days a week. My thyroid is also under active. Since being home and able to control my own food, despite doing no formal exercise but moving a lot during the day rather than the sedantry lifestyle of hospital I have started to lose the weight.

A snack to me can be anything- it's just something eaten between your main meals that's not large enough to count as a meal. It's more about when you eat and how much than about what you have! I snack on crisps, biscuits and sweets/chocolate but also fruit, a cracker with cheese, just cheese, rice cakes, humous, breadsticks, nuts, cake, toast, sausage roll, ice-cream etc. the list is endless!

I think the problem with penis portions occurs when it's amplified to ridiculous proportions. I'm a similar height and weight to my male partner but my understanding is that he'll have a higher basal metabolic rate as he carries proportionally more muscle than I do. So fine to give him a bit more food than me as a general rule. Not fine to give him twice what I eat and leave me hungry.

I don’t mind penis portions when I’m out. It’s the every day eating that’s the issue for me.

@PurpleDaisies

I don’t mind penis portions when I’m out. It’s the every day eating that’s the issue for me.

My DH is well over 6ft and v active. Of course he gets much more on his plate than me. I’m a foot taller and far less active.

@lilgreen

My DH is well over 6ft and v active. Of course he gets much more on his plate than me. I’m a foot taller and far less active.

The world's tallest woman!

Lol smaller!!!!!!

@PurpleDaisies

I don’t mind penis portions when I’m out. It’s the every day eating that’s the issue for me.

Worth bumping purely for this

Ah so this is why I’m fat. Too much penis

End of January last year I was diagnosed as type 2 diabetic, it was the kick up the bum I needed to sort out my diet & lifestyle. Over the past year I’ve lost over 7 stone by cutting carbs watching my portion size and walking. Once I got over the sugar detox I honestly don’t feel hungry like I used too and cannot eat as much as I used to either. I ditched white bread, rice & pasta. I still enjoy chocolate just a couple of squares of dark chocolate is enough and I occasionally enjoy cake just half the portion size I did previously.

I read once that your gut bacteria reflects your diet and basically makes you crave what you usually eat, meaning that once you get used to a good diet your body doesn’t crave biscuits as much.

I’m not 100% sure I believe that, but when I massively restricted sugar I reached the stage where a mango was a treat (as opposed to choc hobnobs).

I think slim people either have massive willpower, eat normally and exercise loads or were brought up in a family/environment where they didn’t eat much so picking at food/eating small meals is the norm.

My slimmest friend doesn’t stop eating. She also does absolutely zero exercise, has a desk job and walks really slowly. She is extremely thin. Like looks unhealthy thin. I’ve known her for 10 years and she’s never been bigger or smaller.

I agree OP. I used to think some people were naturally slim until I started watching closely.and I realised that my slim friends and colleagues were eating way less and way better than me.

@MrsSmith2021

My slimmest friend doesn’t stop eating. She also does absolutely zero exercise, has a desk job and walks really slowly. She is extremely thin. Like looks unhealthy thin. I’ve known her for 10 years and she’s never been bigger or smaller.

She likely eats little and often. Failing that she may be bulimic.

Despite metabolisms varying, almost nobody can eat shedloads and be emaciated. It’s like claiming you can drink a whole bottle of vodka and be under the drink driving limit.

@LaurieFairyCake Hahaha. You DO NOT eat 500 x 3 calories per day or you would NOT be obese. Simple mathematics!

I used to be one of those annoying people that could eat anything and stay slim - and I’ve always eaten big portions... and have a terrible sweet tooth. I got away with that until my DS came along in 2016. After that I still ate what I wanted but had to run 3 or 4 times a week to maintain weight. Over last 6 months this has changed again and I’ve gained over a stone without really changing anything. My mum always said it would catch me up in the end!

@GodOfPhwoar

I read once that your gut bacteria reflects your diet and basically makes you crave what you usually eat, meaning that once you get used to a good diet your body doesn’t crave biscuits as much.

I’m not 100% sure I believe that, but when I massively restricted sugar I reached the stage where a mango was a treat (as opposed to choc hobnobs).

The more variety of food you eat, the better your gut bacteria and I believe this helps you stay slim. I watched a documentary about twins - the slimmer of the two had better gut flora than the larger. I also believe that the more fresh food you eat, the less you crave processed food. I’m size 8, age 52, eat two or three meals a day and exercise regularly. I eat cakes and chocolate, but in moderation and if I’ve overindulged one day, I eat less the next. As you say, it’s not rocket science. People who say, ‘life’s too short’ - I’d prefer to feel healthy & energetic than sluggish, but that’s just how eating badly & not exercising makes me feel personally. Life’s too short for that IMO.