To think you at least tidy up if an Estate Agent is coming to value your house?

[Thingsarel00kingup]

Don't you? Isn't it a good idea to present your house in the best way possible? Not because it will increase the value, Estate Agents will see beyond that, but because it's right to make an effort (and not look like a minger!).

So it's not a drip-feed....

Tomorrow an EA is coming to value DP's house, with a view to him selling it and us getting somewhere together that is 'ours'. This was meant to happen 3 years ago but didn't. He was going to propose last winter, but didn't. He doesn't want to sell and get somewhere together does he?

I'm not pushing for this. In fact lockdown has made we wonder about the whole relationship - we've gone round the non-commitment loop a few times during nearly 6 years together. There's always been different 'reasons' (excuses) on his part, but those reasons have now ceased to exist. The 'right' things have often been said by him, but they feel like crumbs I've been thrown to keep me on side.

I've blitzed upstairs whilst he's been gaming! Actions speak volumes don't they?! I just don't know how to extricate myself....

Hmmmm. It's not really about the Estate Agent and tidying up is it?

You are 100% correct OP.
This is nothing to do with the valuer coming round.
I suggest you leave the building NOW.

You definately should tidy up and even sometimes declutter but I think you have recognised yourself what the real problem is.

Why are you chasing a life with someone who isn’t on the same page?

Are you actually living there? Please don't say you are cleaning up his mess.

I’m sorry he clearly is a commitment phone and I’m certain you can do better.

I think you’re right on every point there.

I have to agree with the others. He's shown you where his priorities lay and it's not with you. The crumbs he's been throwing you are just to keep you on side.

LTB

You already know that you're settling for scraps. Have the conversation with him, don't fall for the crumbs, then go your separate ways.

Your last sentence says it all :)

Maybe you should tidy him out of your life?

Actions not words.

He’s telling you what he wants through his actions over the past 6 years but it seems you’re choosing not to believe him.

Perhaps you will move in together, perhaps he will propose....but is he doing these things willingly because it’s what he really wants for you both or is he just going along with it all, delaying as much as possible in the meantime.

You probably know deep down that you’re not happy in this relationship. If I were you I’d definitely take some real time apart, try and spend some time with friends And family, pick up a new hobby, focus on yourself and really take time to reflect on your life as it is and have a honest conversation with yourself over the relationship and future.

Things can be turned around if both people are committed and ultimately WANT to move forward - not because it’s the lesser evil than being single or alone

You are worth more than that love. Someone out there will think you are fabulous. Why settle for someone who can't even tidy his own house?

Hold on. He's gaming (is he 15?!) and you're tidying up HIS house?

Erm. So many things wrong with this.

Please get some self respect.

This is the wake-up call you needed (and I suspect you know it too!)

Thank you all so much for your replies, I really appreciate your honesty and kick up the butt!

It's a whole other thread for the reason(s) I've so little self-respect and am such a doormat

We went to view a house for sale. On the market due to a marriage breakup. They had 3 days notice of our viewing yet the place was a state, messy, stuff falling out of cupboards, stuff all over the lounge floor, stained bedsheets and delightfully including some 'locked doors'.

I said to the EA 'it's clear someone doesn't want to move'. He nodded wearily. They'd even had an offer $100k over asking price and the EA didn't get a response.

My point here is it's very very clear he has no intention of selling but is going along with the motions.

Why are you cleaning his house for him? Wtf? Please tell me you live there...

For the record I probably wouldn't do a big clean up just for the valuation, but then my house is usually reasonably clean anyway. I would save the cleaning for when people are actually viewing.

You would tidy and clean for estate agent as you'd want the best price and for the house to be ready to photo and sell.

He'd rather be gaming

He'll let you do his responsibilities for him

Don't invest in this teenagemanboy
He will leave all the adulting to you, (DC care, taking care of the house, planning things, big decisions...)

He wants a mummy not a mutually respected partner

Please pack up your stuff and walk out of there. Go home to your adult house, turn your phone off and leave him to it.

(If you have to, Watch from afar what he does over the next week without you there, organising or cajoling him, but don't say anything.)

DON’T buy a property with this man.

He’s told you what you want to hear and kept you on his hook.
I hope you’ve not spent all this time waiting for a baby and wasting your fertile years.
Please be independent and strive for what you want.

commitment phone 😁

Not because it will increase the value, Estate Agents will see beyond that then why bother? But it is not about that anyway. He is just not that into you. And surely you are worth much more than that bullshit?

How do you extricate yourself ?
You don’t own the house together, so do you have anywhere to go and a job to pay your way ?
Stay where you are until you have somewhere to go, then pack up and tell him it’s not working. He will beg you to stay and offer everything you want and more to stay.
Stride out into your new independent life knowing you’re ok on your own, and that a partner should enhance your life not drag you down.

@Merryoldgoat

Why are you chasing a life with someone who isn’t on the same page?

Yup. Same mistake, different person different day.

And the cycle continues....or not.