To talk to my manager about this colleague because I feel so miserable?

[Lizzie523]

I technically only have one line manager but in reality I report to 2 managers. It's a bit odd because it is not totally clear what their differing roles are but the one who is not my LM is the one involved with me the most. My LM on the other hand let's me get on with my work because she trusts me to handle things.

At the beginning it became clear this other manager was a micromanager. Very detailed and wants things done their way (the first point is not a criticism at all). But recently it has become infantalising to the point of intolerable. When I wasnt available on email the other day for about an hour 15 mins due to finishing a task and lunch, I received multiple messages explaining why I must be available at all times.

Recently they have delegated tasks to me but then changed it all and done it themselves instead because I wasnt up to the mark. I am learning how to do these particular tasks for the first time and they are fine. However they are emailing me constant criticisms and copying in my assistant which I find humiliating. Most of the criticisms are just that she would do it a different way so it's wrong, sometimes her failure to communicate and possibly the fact I am still learning how to use the platform.

I have now been told I will need to work with this person on yet another 2 big tasks for the company and im dreading it. It is starting to really affect my mental health. Should I talk to my line manager about this? I'm worried about it fatally damaging my relationship with the other manager but not sure how I can continue on like this.

You'd be wrong not to speak up in some form, but have you considered approaching the individual you have the problem with first? At least then you can take it to your manager with the outcome of that attempted conversation.

Yes, talk to your line manager.

I am not sure how to approach it. Any tips?

She made some subtly nasty comments to me when I first started and was picked up on by other colleagues. Mostly been fine since then but now it has ramped up again.

Definately speak to your line manager or your mental health will get worse and you will end up having to take time off. It all sounds very unfair and a horrible situation to be in. Hope you are ok x

I'm just worried about how it will be handled and how that will then affect my job. No doubt the other manager will say I'm not doing things properly as well.

But surely it is up to me LM to help find a solution?

When sent you an e-mail saying you were unavailable You should have copied LM in with a response stating you were taking your lunch break as detailed in your contract and finishing x task.

Copy your LM in, keep him in the picture and she will then realise she needs to tread carefully.

This is precisely what line managers are for. Do talk to her.

In term of approaching it... you could go "sideways", and ask why you have two managers, or more precisely, what their respective roles and responsibilities entail, towards you (and yours, towards them). This may highlight that the other manager has been over reaching (but maybe not). This may also inform you of any underlying "company politics" issues (maybe there is a power grab between departments, and you're caught in the middle. Or maybe you were "lent" to the other manager, as a favour, etc.)

Then you could ask for advice, regarding how better to fulfill your role to the other manager. And then maybe mention the lunch break incident, and ask for clarification on what are your employer's expectations in term of availability. It may highlight the other manager is unreasonable.

Make sure you mention first and above all the things you think are most unreasonable (just don't say aloud what you think!), and where you don't feel much at fault, but in a way that suggests you're trying to meet these unreasonable expectations, but are not sure how to. Your line manager is then likely to take your defense, and identify the other manager as the problem.
Or (if you were mistaken about these expectations being unreasonable) she may simply give you good advice on how to do your job to the satisfaction of the other manager?

It sounds like you are talking about my manager!! I ended up having to go to my Direct Manager's Manager about the constant emails criticising my work, even though I wasn't doing anything wrong, I just wasn't doing it her way. It didn't matter what you said, you had to follow her lead and she would copy in the other members of the team when castigating me.

It got to the point where I was going to hand in my notice because the constant criticism was also affecting my MH and I ended up going back onto Anti Depressants and Anxiety medication. Speaking to the Head Manager was the best thing I could have done, they kept it completely confidential and used the negative emails she had sent to me as a way to open discussions with her which is something you could ask to be done?

Unfortunately though, someone who micro manages only ever stops for a while, its something which needs to be kept on top of and thats up to your LM. you are being bullied and harassed, and that isn't allowed in the workplace.

I would definitely raise it with your line manager.

I would take the line that you have no problem working for two different people, but if you attempt to totally meet the other manager's expectations, you are very likely to fail at your other tasks. Because she is already complaining that she doesn't get instant responses and doesn't appear to appreciate that you have tasks to complete for other people.

I'd definitely that it up with my manager - I would not tell them of any nastiness from the other person but I would ask for clarification between my line manager's role and the other person's role. This will obviously set up the discussion to move on to the fact that the other person is giving you lots of tasks and managing them through in detail.

I feel for you OP. I wound up with a similar scenario, had a line manager but was informally managed by a more senior colleague and it was a nightmare of micro-management and she also added all sorts of random tasks to my role that was not what I'd been recruited for and that I struggled with. It got to the point where she was micromanaging me when I did voluntary fun stuff like book Christmas lunch or buy a leaving present for a colleague.

I am still weighing it up. I had a very positive meeting my LM today about something else and it was such a relief just to have her saying nice things to me. Like I'm starved of it!

Anyway I completed a task very well today but within the hour she was emailing me asking why I hadnt replied to her other email. The email was very critical and asked me to tweak a minor thing which I will do tomorrow, once I get my other duties out of the way (that I had to put aside due to her yesterday).

This is happening at a time when I am being given an increasing amount of responsibility at work. If they need me so much, I have to wonder why I am being so heavily pecked at and criticised. Where has it come from suddenly?

I also think part of the problem is that this person requires almost instant replies to messages and emails (because that is how they generally operate). I'd say I reply to 90% of emails in a timely manner. I replied to about 6 of this persons emails today, but because I didnt reply to one within 4 hours I got chased up asking if I had read it.

Several of my colleagues, including my LM, have a similar reply etiquette. I mostly hear back within a couple of hours or next day at most.

My new boss sends me loads of emails... Can't get on with my job..
I've therefore explained that dropping behind (wasn't.. Just getting annoyed) so implementing a recommendation from previous time management course and only checking emails before 9 and between 1-2. Manager is slowly reducing email flow, not expecting as faster responses and my blood pressure is going down.. Plus I'm back to getting things done

I'm sorry Lizzie, micromanagers are a living hell. It isn't reasonable to expect you to reply to emails instantly, and it isn't reasonable to monitor you and berate you for not being "available" for 15 minutes. Nor is it reasonable to copy in your assistant to critical emails.

How you deal with it depends on your relationship with your line manager. Mine is the type where I could call her and say "X is driving me bloody nuts with micromanaging, how can I get her off my back?" but I get the impression you couldn't do that.

I would bring it up with your LM in whatever way you feel comfortable, saying you feel under undue pressure from X and it's affecting you. I'd have some examples of unreasonable messages at hand. Let your LM guide you in how to deal with it.

Not only that @ZoeTurtle but the company director asked about why I hadnt been available for this period of time (clearly motivated by this person in their ear)! When I have never been questioned by them before.

Yeah I really like my LM but she has a close relationship with this other manager as far as I know. I wouldnt say they are friends but they work closely together. If it continues i will have to speak up - find a way to diplomatically say I am really enjoying growth & more responsibilities but dont feel I am being afforded the autonomy expected. It is getting me down.

Take to the other line manager especially if you trust them - tell them what is happening and how it’s making you feel. Does your organisation have Mental Health First Aiders? Maybe look at that too? Your well-being is at stake (not meant melodramatically!).

The problem line manager has a bee in their bonnet from what you say. Email chasing up is a bit wanky of them though. I hate that. Phone me if you want an update FFS. Or use other direct messaging perhaps.

I see others have said about restricting times to check emails and that is great advice. Give that a go it really helps and it requires a wee bit of discipline.

Good luck Op

YANBU

Being micromanaged destroys your confidence and wrecks your MH. I think it's a form of bullying.

Keep a record of every instance, and yes do speak to your line manager. Do you have a trade union? You may have to raise a grievance, and if that doesn't work I would vote with my feet.

@tinkletinklelittlestar she emailed me yesterday saying I need to be available at all times. Well frankly that doesnt work for me.

I endeavour to check emails every half hour to an hour but I NEED to be able to shut the emails down and focus on my tasks as well. Is she saying I'm not allowed to do this?

@lockdownalli I cant even raise a grievance because the company is quite small there is no HR department.

I was thinking I would stick it out for a year then go if I could something new. But now with the pandemic I am genuinely worried that I wont be able to find something else?

It is such a shame because I like my LM, my colleagues and my job overall. But this is the person I am actually reporting to on everything and it is destroying my enjoyment of the job.

Sounds awful, the other micromanager is not a good manager.

I would raise it.

Talk not take. Tut

This has been happening with a new hire at my work, to the point I was being asked to say what I was doing in any given hour so that he knew what else I had ‘bandwidth’ for.

That is not how it works in my office. I brought it up with the overall department head. Turned out they were feeling the exact same way and had already scheduled a meeting with new LM to tell them to essentially calm down.

Emails is familiar too - I only check them periodically as teams is busy enough as it is. I’ve managed my own time for so long, and all the micro managing is doing is taking me away from tasks.

I really would bring it up - with anyone senior that you think could help, ie go one above your manager if you need to.

I just dont understand what has triggered it. It has become like overnight harassment (she was intense before but calmed down).

It couldnt come at a worse time as I'm planning to buy my first house and had an eye before the job market before this.

Yeah we are also on teams so it is yet another layer!

Then you talk to your line manager and say
‘Hi X, I’m just working on my priorities. I think x y and z need urgent attention, but I’m finding the stream of emails are interrupting my thought process and work output.
What would you suggest I do about A B and C I’ve been asked to complete?

I’m happy to do those tasks, I’m just finding I can’t concentrate.

Do it softly and see what your LM suggests without saying they’re doing this that and the other ...

Keep it about you, your feeling and your work, and not about them.

That’s at they can’t say you’re wrong, or being bitchy etc