To talk to my manager about this colleague because I feel so miserable?

[Lizzie523]

I technically only have one line manager but in reality I report to 2 managers. It's a bit odd because it is not totally clear what their differing roles are but the one who is not my LM is the one involved with me the most. My LM on the other hand let's me get on with my work because she trusts me to handle things.

At the beginning it became clear this other manager was a micromanager. Very detailed and wants things done their way (the first point is not a criticism at all). But recently it has become infantalising to the point of intolerable. When I wasnt available on email the other day for about an hour 15 mins due to finishing a task and lunch, I received multiple messages explaining why I must be available at all times.

Recently they have delegated tasks to me but then changed it all and done it themselves instead because I wasnt up to the mark. I am learning how to do these particular tasks for the first time and they are fine. However they are emailing me constant criticisms and copying in my assistant which I find humiliating. Most of the criticisms are just that she would do it a different way so it's wrong, sometimes her failure to communicate and possibly the fact I am still learning how to use the platform.

I have now been told I will need to work with this person on yet another 2 big tasks for the company and im dreading it. It is starting to really affect my mental health. Should I talk to my line manager about this? I'm worried about it fatally damaging my relationship with the other manager but not sure how I can continue on like this.

You are also entitled to a lunch break, what’s the company culture on this, does everyone just work through? I would also be mentioning this too.

At work a lot of people worked through. I always took my lunch break by going for a walk and getting away from my desk. I dont appreciate being told I have to be tethered to it now. We are still wfh.

Approach her. ‘ I’m glad to hear the positive feedback as I feel I am making good progress in this role, and implementing my training knowledge effectively. However I am slightly concerned that other LM seems to be under the impression that I’m not , and is therefore micromanaging getting on my tits Where there’s clearly no cause to. How can I resolve this? As my LM I thought it best to talk with you as I don’t want to step on any toes if I talk to her directly’ or something. And show her the cc’d emails. That’s a bum move. That’s a power move and it’s rather bullying. And ask her what the companies policy is in responding to emails, given that you are doing the work of two people.... good luck. Some people just bully and harass and pick pick pick at people until they destroy them. I would be very wary of her ..

I am wary of her. I let my guard down because I felt the relationship had improved and was hopeful. She made some comments before, has given me side eye when I am having a laugh with the LM and I even heard her asking my LM why I was conducting a meeting with junior employees.

I agree it is feeling like bullying now. In myself I feel a boundary has been crossed. I thought I'd do my best at this job then move on, hopefully with a reference. But I am starting to doubt that possibility if I 'rock the boat' so to speak.

I cant believe that someone would nit pick endlessly at a competent person during a pandemic. My mental health has not been great but I have done my best to stay well to do my job effectively.

You have my sympathies here. I just left a job I’d been in decades because of a micro-managing twunt. She’d tell us how to do things like insert columns in excel (all admin experienced staff) and change cell colours or other small details just to be critical. If we said we’d got 100 out of 110 tasks done in record breaking time, she’d ask why we felt the other 10 couldn’t get done. She’d also use any chance she could to throw us under the bus. In the end I left.

She won’t get better is my guess. They never do.
If confronted she’ll apologise for you ‘taking things the wrong way’ and ask you why you struggle to accept guidance

My advice is either go above her, leave, or move teams and say why. It’s the only way with these types sadly.

I had a situation like this once in a small research-based charity in London. I tried various things to resolve it and then left (I had been offered a hefty freelance contract and couldn't do both anyway). She left a matter of weeks after me, to help people in favelas in Brazil! I concluded all the micro managing must have had zero to do with me and she was probably just unhappy in her job. In a past job, a manager who bullied me was having awful problems in her personal life. It wouldn't surprise me if yours has got something going on that's nothing to do with you.

Now she is asking for details on something that has nothing to do with her (I report to the other LM exclusively on this and always have). I have a mind not to respond at all but no doubt she will just ask again and again.

I'm glad I'm not alone. It does seem as though these people dont change - in fact I feel she is getting much much worse. At the beginning I was told to expect my managers fo be hands on during the initial period before this eased off. This has happened with my LM, but not other manager. So not as i was told it would be.

Just email and tell her (and cc in your LM) that you've reported that to your LM as that is her responsibility.

I would have a word with your LM.

Deal with it ASAP. Don't let it build. Ask for a proper meeting with your line manager. Ask for clarification. Is it normal? Is it correct? Should this be happening? 6 emails a day? Ask for an appointment at the earliest possible time Monday. Take the time tonight to get it all down. Times, emails, content etc bullying.

she emailed me yesterday saying I need to be available at all times

I would use this plus the sheer volume of emails she is sending to you with my manager. Just say that you are not able to work in the focused manner that you would like to due to regular interruptions where you have to respond immediately. Your understanding is that it is important to carve out time to focus on your tasks and can she give you any guidance on dealing with these follow up requests. Emphasise how many requests you are getting in a day

When the manager gives you a request do you confirm when it will be delivered back? Because that is the first thing I would ask you to do. Then she has no justification for chasing up

@ThisLittleLady

Good email.

OP, adding in the latest email query about something that is not in her area.

I think mentioning that you really are working hard, managing the extra work load but the constant emails, criticism, is extremely unnecessary and unpleasant.

Ask for her assistance to resolve this.
Perhaps cc her on some of the emails which have been copied to your assistant, to give her an indication of tone.

Get your morgage and start looking around.

It seems to me that she thinks that her tasks are more important than your others and/or that they are your only tasks.

One way to manage micromanagers like this is to respond, but not do. So, she asks for changes or whatever and you respond, immediately, with something like, "Thanks for the comments. I'll review these and make changed by end of the day / as soon as I have completed xx task) or whatever. ie you micromanage her expectations.

She then has to decide - is she going to give you a hard time and come back saying blatantly that you must do it right now or leave you to get on with it? Hopefully the latter (a lot of micromanagers seem to be of the opinion that people can't be trusted to just get on with things. Adding deadlines and acknowledgement can help them to relax a little). If it's the former, you then have more concrete evidence than "a deluge of emails" to present to your LM to demonstrate she is being unreasonable.

I am not defending micromanagers because honestly, they are SO annoying, but they can be managed themselves. They need to feel in control and like everyone's expectations are the same. This is also a technique I employ a lot with clients. In this case, arguably, she is sort of a client - she's not your manager but you're working for her on a task. As such, providing updated timelines etc can be a useful tool to set expectations and remove areas of conflict.

Oh, and on the "need to be available at all times" is DEFINITELY something you need to take up with your LM. It very clearly says she considers all her tasks to be priority and that everything else must be dropped for her. You should be discussing this with your LM and asking what she requires from you in terms of prioritisation.

You need to address it today. Your non line-manager is already busy making a bad reputation for you at every level of the company (doesn't she have any work to do?)

The longer you let it stand, the more people will accept her version of you. The more this happens, the less you will be able to face it as your mental health plummets. Be reasonable but only to a degree. She is a nasty bully. Take it up with your LM on the grounds of her unreasonable behaviour. Stay firm.

She's a bully.

Get copies of her emails together in one easy-to-read doc. Highlight examples from them to start a discussion with the other LM.

Example by example, point out why the email is inappropriate - one tells you not to take a lunch break, one hassles you for a reply virtually before it's sent, one demands updates on something that isn't her project. Assemble clusters where she's emailed you 100x on something non-urgent or micromanaged in terms of opinion, not productivity.

I’m sorry you’re in this position, please look after yourself and your mental health. I recently left a company for this reason, it’s really knocked my confidence but I have a lovely new job. It is 100% not about you, micro managing is never a way to manage performance, even when someone is terrible at their job (which I’m sure you’re not). CC your line manager in as much as possible, if it makes you feel better brush up your CV and keep an eye out for other jobs. Remember your worth!

I had a manager like this. I ended up having a complete meltdown, told her to shove her job, and walked out. I'd been doing the job for 15 years, I couldn't be doing with someone supervising the colour of the pen I was using to sign letters. You have my sympathies, people like this are hell to work with.

This person sounds exactly like my own line manager you're not alone OP 💐
Sorry no advice as I haven't worked out how to deal with it effectively myself.

About the walk, isn't that following government guidelines? If it is at a set time each day, this seems reasonable to me.

I think talk to the other line manager.

One way to manage micromanagers like this is to respond, but not do. So, she asks for changes or whatever and you respond, immediately, with something like, "Thanks for the comments. I'll review these and make changed by end of the day / as soon as I have completed xx task) or whatever. ie you micromanage her expectations.

This, absolutely.

Firstly, I am so sorry you are having to put up with this it is absolutely soul destroying.

I would approach it sort of side-on, if your LM is friends with this person the approach of directly saying she’s dreadful will come across as an attack. One possible way forward is to copy your LM on some of the egregious over-reach by this other manager e.g. she sends you a rude chaser and you copy in your other manager and say “I’m just busy with X for LM at the moment and if this is a higher priority perhaps you two could discuss what needs doing first”.

Also, a lot of companies during the pandemic have been very mental-health focussed including emphasising the need for staff to take proper breaks including lunch. Has that been happening at your place? If so, when chatting with your LM it might be worth saying you’ve been struggling to take any breaks because the other manager often follows up and this stops you being able to manage your own timetable. You can raise this as a joke e.g. light heartedly say “I need to get off this phone call LM actually because five minutes has passed so X will be checking I haven’t left my desk!”. See how LM reacts. Also feel free to say “seriously actually it’s been getting to me a bit”.

On the criticism of you, keep records of aggressive incidents and share those whenever you can (it’s actually great that she copies in your assistant because she’s basically spreading awareness of her bullying). Does this person do this to others? In my experience it is rare that someone with a bullying/condescending style confines this to one person.

Finally, from the perspective of your own mental health please always remember that no person at work is worth your happiness. I went through an awful period at work, with a colleague who would shout and scream and it was actually hell even though others knew this person was like this. The funny thing now is if I tell people where I used to work they fairly often mention this person and say what a terrible individual he is...so what goes around comes around!

Best of luck

If you feel you can’t talk about it to either manager, can you make some changes that might help manage expectations?

How about blocking time in your email calendar when you are working on tasks? Or putting on an automatic response when receiving an email (EG. I am currently working on an essential task and may not be able to pick up emails within X time frame. If your request is urgent, please call me on xxx).

Maybe you also need to confirm what the policy is on picking up emails and being uncontactable? It would be unacceptable to not be available if not in a meeting (in the case of something urgent etc) where I work, so I would not be shutting my emails down? Do you have an instant messenger that you can add a status to?

The comment from the director is a concern. This shows that she is talking about you behind your back. Beware! You need to keep notes of the nasty comments and the emails sent. You really need to talk to your LM. Explain and show what's happening and ask for advice. At my workplace, the micromangers are well know. i bet your LM knows what they are like, they need to see the intensity of it.

@Caryler the problem is that before we only used emails in the office. But now we also have to use instant messaging and be reachable 'all day' on it in manager's words. So how am I supposed to concentrate on tasks, especially the research and written detailed work, when I have to have pop ups coming in from several avenues? My other colleagues have 'do not disturb' and that's it.

That thing with the director - to me that just proves she is looking for any reason to make me look bad. I have been given lots of extra responsibility lately and even have my own assistant now. If she finds a way to push me put the door, it will just be another cost to management training and replacing me.

I have so much sympathy. I work in a department full of micromanagers. I do block out time to do work but that gets completely ignored. I was once on the receiving end of a stroppy email sent at 8 am asking me why I hadn’t responded to an email sent to me at 7.15 am. I arrived in the office at 8.15. We have flexi time and provided we have no commitments can start at 10.

I am leaving soon and I was even told to run the words I planned to tell my team about my departure past my manager first.