To talk to my manager about this colleague because I feel so miserable?

[Lizzie523]

I technically only have one line manager but in reality I report to 2 managers. It's a bit odd because it is not totally clear what their differing roles are but the one who is not my LM is the one involved with me the most. My LM on the other hand let's me get on with my work because she trusts me to handle things.

At the beginning it became clear this other manager was a micromanager. Very detailed and wants things done their way (the first point is not a criticism at all). But recently it has become infantalising to the point of intolerable. When I wasnt available on email the other day for about an hour 15 mins due to finishing a task and lunch, I received multiple messages explaining why I must be available at all times.

Recently they have delegated tasks to me but then changed it all and done it themselves instead because I wasnt up to the mark. I am learning how to do these particular tasks for the first time and they are fine. However they are emailing me constant criticisms and copying in my assistant which I find humiliating. Most of the criticisms are just that she would do it a different way so it's wrong, sometimes her failure to communicate and possibly the fact I am still learning how to use the platform.

I have now been told I will need to work with this person on yet another 2 big tasks for the company and im dreading it. It is starting to really affect my mental health. Should I talk to my line manager about this? I'm worried about it fatally damaging my relationship with the other manager but not sure how I can continue on like this.

she sounds Insufferable and unreasonable OP ... and calculating with it 🌺

I once worked for an awful micromanager. I started in August and by Christmas was still not allowed to send any emails without him checking them over first. I eventually left because I couldn’t stand him. Good luck and I hope you get this sorted.

Being micromanaged destroys your confidence and wrecks your MH. I think it's a form of bullying

Yes to both bits of this.

I think you should discuss it with your line manager, and explain that it's sapping your confidence and causing you anxiety. As your manager, she has a duty of care to make sure that your work isn't adversely affecting your health and, as she sounds like a good manager, she'll hopefully take it on board.

Do you huit iave meetings with the next manager up the line? We do where I work, and they're very useful for getting stuff like this aired in an appropriate way. We have them annually, but we can request them if we feel the need. I think it's an excellent system.

The email thing is just ridiculous. Maybe short-circuit it by putting your out-of-office on when you're busy with other stuff or at lunch, at least that way Shitty Manager will know not to expect an immediate reply. Mind you, I'd find the temptation to have an OOO that says "Gone for a piss" or similar irresistible, but then I'm very childish! An OOO that says you're at lunch or engaged in a task that is taking your full attention is perfectly ok though.

Being answerable to 2 managers is a nightmare imo, as there invariably comes a point where they both think their thing is incredibly urgent. I think micromanagers are usually insecure, tbh, and try and control every tiny thing to reassure themselves.

she emailed me yesterday saying I need to be available at all times

Wtf? She needs to familiarise herself with your contract. You are entitled to a lunch break, and to be away from your desk to make drinks, go to the lav etc.

She sounds crazy, tbh.

The thing is she is very manipulative but she has this voice where she talks very slowly and calmly all the time. It creeps me out a bit. Years ago I had a flatmate that spoke the same way but it was all a complete facade - she was actually nuts.

I have decided that if this continues next week, in a way that continues to be intolerable and affect my mental health, I will speak to my line manager. As PP said, if this goes on my mental health will be adversely affected which will in turn cause my work to suffer anyway.

I am worried that LM won't take my side. But I do like her and get on well with her, so it's probably worth a shot. The thought of doing it is just a bit scary.

Good luck Lizzie. @Lizzie523
If the meeting with line manager is over Teams or similar ( as I suspect it might be) then you can always write yourself a bullet point list of things you want to say, and some key phrases you want to get across. I would say focus on how the way the other manager behaves impacts on YOU. You are allowed to have any feelings about the situation, she cannot deny those.
Maybe add some open questions about what she ( your line manager ) sees is reasonable around breaks etc and constantly having to be available, see if she gives a reasonable response ( as she should) then following up with how it makes you feel to not be able to take reasonable breaks etc. Also make sure you are clearly stating how good you are at your job and how she has given you good feedback, to reinforce the fact that this is impacting on you and therefore your performance.

Make sure you take your lunch break or agree this with your LM. Don't put up with this

Just wanted to come back and say I ended up talking to my line manager. She did not sound surprised and made it clear she didnt agree with other manager's style. She said not to take it personally because she is like that with others including her!

I suggested a catch up meeting with this other manager at the start of the week to go through a range of tasks. I am hoping that by doing this regularly it will prevent her from asking for constant updates. Here's hoping...

I dont know if my LM said something to her because it has calmed down slightly. Overall I dont think LM took it seriously though. It seems to be a case of 'ah she's just like that, what can you do.'