FIL paying for our holiday

[misshangry]

FIL wants to go on holiday again we can't really afford to as we are moving house but he said it's fine he will pay. OH is saying he is 30 and shouldn't be taking handouts from his dad.

How desperate of us is it to say yes?

He’s offered!
I wouldn’t go with my in laws though...

But if your desperate say yes.
As long as you can do your own thing too (if you want to).

How keen are you to go on holiday with your in-laws?
If you all get along well then it's a kind offer.

My parents have paid for us to go on a couple of holidays with them and we were over 30. I don't see anything wrong with it.

Can fil easily afford it? Would you like a holiday with him? If yes then go.

When I am mortgage free I will definitely treat my children even more so as adults as I will have more disposable income at that point.

It doesn’t have to be a “handout”. You could accept FIL’s treat while you’re a bit strapped from moving - but then treat him to a trip in a year or two when you’re feeling a bit more flush. And you could express it in those terms to him - “so kind of you - our treat when finances sorted”. All that depends on you getting on very well with them though!

When and where is the holiday? Would you enjoy it with your in-laws?

Can your FIL easily afford it?

I think your husband has the right idea. Do you actually want to go on holiday with him - or would you just be tolerating him because he's paying? If the latter, have some self-respect!

If FIL offered and can afford it. Of course I'd take it. He seems a very generous man. If I could afford it I'd treat my children to holidays etc too

If you'd like to go with PILs then definitely ok to accept - many of my friends do an annual trip with older relatives where the older relatives book the cottage/villa as a treat because they'd like to go on holiday with their family.

I’d go providing you know he can comfortably afford it and you actually want to of course! We’ve done some holidays with DH’s family and FIL always pays and wouldn’t hear otherwise.

I wouldn’t go on holiday with my or DH’s relatives. It won’t be a holiday for me, even if they are paying. Some of my friends regularly go on holiday with parents/ parents in law and love it, and it’s fine.

My parents do this fairly frequently maybe every year to eighteen months, book a lovely big cottage/barn conversion etc for them, us, my brother and his family and we could afford it ourselves. They just want to treat us, we tend to arrive laden with nice snacks, bottles of wine etc maybe DB and I will pay for dinners out or a stock up for a big BBQ etc, but it's not expected.
PIL told us last week they have a cottage booked in Cornwall next summer and whilst there is no obligation there are three bedrooms, two bathrooms and if we'd like we are very welcome to join them for the whole week or just the weekend, there is no way they would accept any money as they said they rented where they did because they like the house and the location and not with the expectation we would necessarily join them. If you like him and the relationship is good, so no strings to the offer, go, enjoy yourself and be thankful your relationship with your in-laws is a lot healthier than a fair few on MN!

How has this come up? It's not like many holidays are happening without a hitch, right now.

My parents have taken us on two cruise holidays paid for by them. My DH, who was well over 30 at the time, didn't mind at all. He was delighted to be able to visit places he wouldn't otherwise have got to. Cruise holidays were great as we & the DC could do our own thing during the day then meet up with the parents for dinner. Not that I'd want to go on a cruise in the current circumstances of course, but we enjoyed it at the time.

If you would all enjoy it, then go!

If you think you will all enjoy it, and if your FiL is comfortable enough that it won't be a stretch for him, then go. Some people love it, for others, the idea of a week (or more?) with PiL would, at best, be something to 'tolerate'.
It is that I would be deciding upon, not pride over allowing parents to treat their dc now they can afford it.

If your FIL is offering it's because he wants you to go and have a good time. Not desperate to take him up on the offer at all, go and enjoy yourselves and buy FIL a nice bottle of whatever he drinks.

I'd love to treat adult DC to a holiday if I could afford.it when I'm older. Go for it if you think you'd enjoy it

I wouldnt but only because I did a few holidays with parents and swore 'never again'.

My father every year invites me, my sisters and brother with husbands / wife and all the children on holidays, paying for flights and hotels, and most restaurants outings while at our destinations.
It makes everyone happy. Nothing odd and in a few years when my children have their family, I will do the same

You have ‘again’ in there. Has fil already had a holiday and this is another for him ?

Couldn’t this be fil realising that you are pushed for money and knowing your son would feel that way thought this was a way of doing something really nice for you ? Is this what’s happening ?

Either way I think all that matters is do you want to go and can fil afford it. If yes then accept and go !

As op you can say ‘next time in is’ OR ‘we’ll pay back when we’re a bit sorted’.

You havent been frittering money away - you’re strapped for cash for good sensible reason. Best time for family to be supportive. Not sure why dp thinks he ‘shouldn’t accept my because he’s 30 ! Not in these circs at all.

Not desperate in the slightest. Sensible if you need a holiday (now?!). Good luck

‘On us’ not ‘in is’.

Only if you like him, and want to go where he's proposing to go.

I regularly take DS and his family on vacations and always pay. I can afford it and they would not be able to go otherwise. We have dinner together but do our own thing in the days, which works great. DD and partner have had their share too, but not quite as successfully.

It all depends on how you get along!

I would say do it. Provided you get along and he would not make you 'pay' in other ways that are hard tot ake - like making you beholden.

In other words if a genuine offer.

if FIL needs support to go away then it is a great thing to do for and with him.

I am well over 30 and have gone away with parents and had them pay. Equally, i paid for us all to go on a cruise in April. (Let me tell you how that went..... covid got in thr way)