FIL paying for our holiday

[misshangry]

FIL wants to go on holiday again we can't really afford to as we are moving house but he said it's fine he will pay. OH is saying he is 30 and shouldn't be taking handouts from his dad.

How desperate of us is it to say yes?

My mum just paid for my cousin and her family to go on holiday. It will have made the holiday for her, I made her accept! The experience would have been vastly improved by her going and my mum can well afford it. I say accept if your fil doesn’t then hold it over you. If it’s an altruistic offer, accept.

rossclare it's not ''the right thing to do'' to go on a holiday with people you don't get on with enough to spend a whole week with! Especially if you only get one annual holiday.

I AM a parent and 3 of mine ARE adults and sometimes they go away with us and sometimes they say no we'd like to go on our own this year. I wouldn't want either of my son in laws to be having to ''bite their tongues'' and endure time away with us if they didn't fancy it!! Weather we're paying or not. Ye gods!

Your OH sounds like my cousin. Her pride has stopped her asking for financial help when she desperately needed it or accepting generous offers made out of love.

My granny is very financially secure and often took dd1 and I on cruises because she wanted the company and we all really bloody enjoyed it.

Cousin sat at home fuming

Book the holiday!

I love holidaying with my daughters (in their early 30s) and right now I have much more disposable income than they do. So several times we've had a mini-break that I've paid for.

Not only do I like being able to give them a little holiday, if they declined, I'd lose out and be pretty sad that I'd not get my fun time with them.

Maybe you should put it like that to your DH. In accepting FIL's offer you're being kind, not grasping. If your DH says no, FIL won't get his holiday.

It depends on how well you get on with your ILs and where the holiday is. And how on top of each other you will be

My FIL is a bugger for this, will not take no for an answer. He's quite frail now but when the children were very small would often accompany us on holiday (we would invite him, he's great company and a bit lonely after MIL passed) and then try to pay for everything. We used to resist and it would lead to a bad atmosphere, or we would make sure we'd race him to the till in restaurants etc!
DH is one of four siblings and various chats with them have resulted in the consensus that it makes him happy, he has very few outgoings and can afford it, and he wants to help us enjoy it before he passes away!

I've always spent time with and paid attention to him, I send him books I think he'd like. Cook and clean for him when we visit, send him pictures of the children and just generally let him know that we do not take him for granted! Now that he is frail he does not come with us (too far to travel) but will often send a check for some spending money. I think he really gets a lot out of vicariously experiencing our holidays and loves hearing from my sons what they have been up to. I hope we are able to be generous to our children when they are grown and with families of their own.

My parents love taking us on holiday.

They have the cash spare, have the benefit of us driving them about etc.

Once we're there we all pay for our own food etc. But they're happy to pay for the accommodation.

I'd happily do the same when I'm older and DD (if she wants to) has a family.

We have our own holidays but a weekend away with grandparents is lovely too. And often to a different place than we'd book ourselves.

Does your OH just want to inherit his dad’s money or would he like his dad to enjoy his money while he is physically and mentally able to?
If you all don’t want to go, that’s a different thing but get DH to think about it from FILs perspective.

Let him take you.

A few years ago I asked on here how much DS2’s then GF should pay towards the ski trip on which she wanted to join us.

This simple query was lost in a teeming tide of vitriol, particularly from a poster who I still see dishing out crappy advice especially on ‘Relationships.‘

Apparently paying for your adult sons and their kids to join you on a holiday everyone loves was ‘infantilising‘ them. I was selfish to want a family holiday and no way should DS and his kids be allowed to enjoy the trip, he should take his kids camping somewhere instead. This suggestion did not go down well with DSs and DGCs.

As an extra bit of nastiness, I was told DS, then about 40 with GF 25ish, was a ‘near paedophile’.

If your FIL can afford it, and you all get on, for goodness sake accept and have a great holiday.

The last time my dad paid for me to go on holiday I was 59! Take the money and have a great time.

I'm anti-social, so I wouldn't accept. I could tolerate a long weekend with other people, but no longer. Not even if they were paying for me.

Should perhaps specify that DP doesn't really count as "other people" in this context. I don't have to be on my best behaviour with him, he's used to me.