FIL paying for our holiday

[misshangry]

FIL wants to go on holiday again we can't really afford to as we are moving house but he said it's fine he will pay. OH is saying he is 30 and shouldn't be taking handouts from his dad.

How desperate of us is it to say yes?

When I was a single parent my mum often paid for me to go on holiday with her - I could never have afforded it otherwise. She paid and I would save enough for spending money and to take her out for a few meals while away. I didnt see it as a handout - she wanted to go away with us (mostly my dd I think!) and could easily afford it. We had some amazing holidays together. If you all get on well and he can afford it then I say go for it.

I haven't dropped her now Im married by the way! We went away together last year I just paid for myself this time

My father has paid for a couple of our holidays (to the country where he lives, which is expensive to get to) and also helped us buy our last 2 houses. I'd say yes, therefore as others have said, it depends on the attitude of the giver. My dad is great and doesn't make any fuss/hold it over anyone. My mother totally would have and so I never accepted any favours from her!

Is it somewhere you want to go?
Do you like fil?
Can you get leave?
Then yes! He wants your company!

Is he on his own? If so lockdown even harder and chance of another , he perhaps doesn’t want to go alone. I would say yes myself !

My in-laws have paid for a family holiday since sil had dc so around 6years. Its pil, sil and her twins (plus her dh before they split) and dh and me and now my dc. We all pay our own way whilst there and us and sil always pay for at least one evening meal for the entire family. We spend most of the time together but only if we want to and arrange childcare between us all so the adults can do stuff on their own.

If you like going on holiday with you PIL and they can afford it - go and enjoy the holiday. They probably think the money is worth getting to spend time with you after a rubbish year.
My DH and I regularly go away with my parents and quite frequently they will pay for the accomodation and we just pay for flights/travel. My DB and SIL sometimes join us too. On the odd occasion we will pay for the accomodation but usually DF will end up paying for car hire for us etc. When we've raised the issue before of being embarrassed, he has just commented that he knows we wouldn't be able to have these holidays together if he didn't pay (true) and it's important to him and my DM that they get to enjoy this time with us whilst they are still compos mentis and fully functioning (now in their 60s). They can afford it happily so it would be more upsetting to them for us to say no - especially on a pride principle.
My PIL however can't afford that kind of holiday so when we go away with them we pay our equal share, but we go away for shorter breaks and to different places/accommodations. They've now got a caravan so we take most of our breaks there.

He obviously enjoys your company. We’ve paid for my adult daughter (who no longer lives at home) and her partner to holiday with us. I think it’s just acknowledging how difficult it can be for young people with families sometimes to get a holiday away. I know we struggled when first married, especially once we had DCs, to finance holidays. Go away and enjoy it!

Went on holiday with PILs, they paid I wasn’t overly keen on the idea initially but we all had a great time. It was lovely for my dc to spend lots of time with them and their cousins. They still talk about it fondly now but we did some trips on our own.

We take our DSs and their kids away twice a year. One Caribbean trip, one skiing. They show every sign of looking forward to it and enjoying themselves when there.
Sadly this month’s Caribbean holiday has been cancelled; still hoping for the best for France in January.

I do it regularly! My parents love the opportunity to spend time on holiday with my kids. They paid two years ago (I was a single parent living with them at the time of booking, by the time we went my partner came too). Last year they paid the first £1k and my dp and I topped up the balance. We then shared food costs and days out. This year we're paying 50%- even though there's 5 of us and just the two of them.

Saying no though would take away the holiday they want. They want to do it with my kids- but not without us as they don't want to be solely responsible.

It's not desperate at all.
I was going to pay for my DD (31) and partner to go on holiday with OH and I but due to covid we cancelled so I'm now giving them the money for their honeymoon.
I'm now in a position financially to be able to treat them, I'd be upset if they felt they couldnt accept.
You cant take your money with you and it's nice to be able to treat your family and see them happy.
Iv also been on a couple of holidays with my in laws, we paid for ourselves, it was all good, I enjoyed their company, just had to slightly change my ideas of holidays to take into consideration being with other people, such as not being alone with OH, eating somewhere that they fancied, taking a tour that OH and I wouldn't normally take etc.
I'd go if I were you, he wouldn't offer to pay if he didnt want to and he probably wants the company.
Go and enjoy it

My in laws have paid for us to go on holiday with them before. They’re lovely, lovely people and we get on really well so no issues there. My parents have also paid for us to holiday with them.

It’s not a handout - your PILs also benefit from this arrangement cos they get your company. Win win! Just treat them to a nice meal out as a thank you when you go.

Go!!

If they've got the money and have offered, they obviously want to spend time with you.

Life is short, don't over let your husband over think things - pay it forward when your kids are grown up instead.

I live overseas and can't see my parents at the moment. I'm hoping nothing happens to them during this time. I'm not that close to them but envy your problem.

If you go, enjoy every moment

Fgs, just say YES.

Your FIL is giving a present (a holiday). One that HE will probably really enjoy because he will be able to spend time with you as a family.
Do you really want to deprive him of a week with his son, DIL and grand children??

I really think it’s a misplaced pride tbh. It’s not a handout. It’s not a sign your have somehow failed, are poor or whatever. It’s a GIFT that will make your FIL happy.

I'm going away next month with my inlaws and they paid for it! Although to be fair i should point out they are paying for it form a large PPI payout they got. We go away with them most years, we usually pay our for ourselves and we get on well.

As others have said it depends on how easily he can afford it, and how well you get on with him.

It depends - if you get on with him and you don't feel there are strings attached then why not? My parents once paid for a 2 week stay in Holland for our family so we could be near them - we couldn't have afforded it. It was lovely, they could easily afford it and it was just them being generous.

If they can afford it, why not. But it's slightly tricky since your dh doesn't want to, and his dh's dad, not yours.
My parents always paid for us to go on a holiday together. I had no objectio, so was my dh.
I haven't been on holiday with in laws, but they paid for things like meals or entrance fees to places if we go out together.
I always thought that was what parents did, no matter how old their kids are. Maybe I'm a bit spoiled.

I went on holiday with my ILs when our DS was aged 2. I thought it was really kind of them to be paying for us - but fair as they took my DH's Ex-wife and partner away with them plus 2 grandchildren, a lot!!! And paid for it too.

Silly me - they weren't paying for US! So we ended up at a resort abroad I would never have selected and at a price we would never have paid if we had known before and stuck with in-laws for a week.

Never made that mistake again...

My parents take the whole family on holiday every year (including my DH and sister's boyfriend).

I'm 30, and my parents just love the family holiday. We could afford to pay, but my sister probably couldn't so they pay for us all.

I'm usually quite big on the not taking handouts from my parents as I'm an adult, but this is the one exception.

I find reading some of these comments so sad!! All the 'only go if you gt along' and the 'God i wouldn't'. Those that are parents yourselves, try putting yourself in the parent's shoes - this will be you in a few years - desperate to want to spend time with children/grand children. Even if the idea of a holiday with a PIL isn't ideal, it's being offered and how selfish to accept 'only if you get along' - surely the idea should be that you do the right thing - by the PIL and by yourselves and if you have to spend a week biting your tongue slightly, so be it. Families are made up all sorts, and a week to spend with a precious parent is a gift. They won't be around forever. Which i know to my sadness as my Dad died of a brain tumour last year. As it goes we have holidayed with my parents every year for years and years and the times we spent with them are memories that will never leave us. We are still going on holiday with my mum this year. Of course there were grumps and sulks along the way, but on the whole we got over that.

As someone with nearly grown up children I'd love to treat them when they've got families of their own. I'm not a joined at the hip kind of person, so I'd be happy for them to go off and do their own thing for some of the holiday but enjoy the odd day at the beach, meal out together etc.

I could afford to treat them, would enjoy their company, and would enjoy seeing them having a nice break. I could also do some babysitting to give them a rest. It seems win-win. I guess it would be nice if they treated us to a meal out at some point but otherwise no problem. I agree that your DH is overthinking this, unless he has a complicated relationship with his parents and they are likely to be difficult on holiday or make you feel obligated. Otherwise you're depriving both them and you of a lovely experience by not going.

IamMaz didn't you ask why you were treated differently to his ex-wife? That's appalling! It would colour how I felt about my in-laws. Not the not being treated but the being treated differently.

But not related to the OP at all.

If you enjoy holls with your inlaws then go. They're wanting your company, you're wanting a holiday. Win win.

Personally i wouldn't as i've done holls with inlaws and it didn't work.

I do understand your DP's position, but really, if FIL doesn't want to go on his own, you'd be doing him a favour by accepting.

Don't if he's the kind that lays down the law and thinks if he's paid he dictates everything, but if you would have a nice time, then say yes thank you.

You could offer to pay for some meals out.