Petty confessions

[CuntyMcBollocks]

Does anybody have any crap or petty confessions that they want to get off their chest? No judgements, and the more petty the better. I'll start...

I cleaned my trainers with my brothers toothbrush when we were kids as he used to try and get my in trouble. Our mum always believed his lies so I got my petty revenge by scrubbing the dirt from underneath my trainers with his tooth brush.

I gave the jewelry set DM sent for my birthday to my friends daughter for dress up. It’s tat and I don’t want it.

I regift all of the time. I do feel bad but I’ve never worn a necklace - why does everyone buy them for me?

When DH is being a dick I punch his laptop & music equipment just the once...

But you didn't know he was going to do that on the first date, did you?

She didn't say first date, she said when they were first dating which I would take to mean the first couple of months of the relationship.

Dear ex, when I attempted to deliver your belongings to your new flat I didn’t leave the bin bags out because no one was in, I left them there as the person you had been having an affair for six months with answered the door. As she didn’t know you were having an affair I gave her your expensive watches, its handy that you keep them in their original boxes with certification, she would have earned a pretty penny from those. Sadly it was bin day, I knew you wouldn’t be home until mid evening so I popped a note on the bags to make sure the refuse collectors took them.

Dear ex collague, it was me who reported you for coming to work drunk on a regular basis, the whole team were sick of missing target because you weren’t capable of doing your job.

It was after I had done a flat swap to accommodate our surprise ds. The one he wanted aborted. Stupid me trying to salvage our relationship.....

It was me to broke the mirror that had been taken down to be cleaned by tap dancing on it.
Absolutely nothing to do with my brother.

It was also me who popped all the bath oil pods (so beloved in the 80s, can’t remember what they were called) and squirted them all over the bathroom wall.

I’ll also admit to shoving potatoes up the exhausts of the cars belonging to the more grumpy residents on my childhood street.

Love to give myself a free item on self scan

To my alcoholic ex husband from hell.

All those times you demanded to be fed when you came home drunk and aggressive, and I obediently fed you.

The popular choice of "chilli" was tinned dog food microwaved with a load of gone-off chilli sauce. And the pizza I fed you which you said was "tough" still had the polystyrene disc on the bottom when I put in a hot oven until it melted to the pizza base.

I also put you fishing maggots in your toasted sandwiches and rubbed your toothbrush under the rim of the toilet regularly.

I recently bought a bottle of anti bacterial surface cleaner from Aldi, I thought I’d give it a try, it was much cheaper than dettol (I usually stock up when dettol is on offer).
Started using the new spray, as soon as DH saw the cheaper spray he wouldn’t use it and put it outside because he said ‘dettol is best’. He found a brand new bottle of dettol at the back of the cupboard and used that instead. I waited until the dettol bottle was empty, filled it up with the cheaper stuff and DH and I have been happily using this for over a week so far. The world hasn’t come to an end, our work tops appear nice and clean, DH is none the wiser and he hasn’t noticed an ounce of difference.
I’m currently biding my time until I gleefully tell him this dettol illusion is all a lie!

BTW I’m not some kind of ambassador for either company/brand just someone who is a bit anti bac mad and likes trying new products especially if they save us money!

My DH tries to restrict my cats dreamies/sweeties intake. The cat and I have an arrangement. At about 4am every morning. We get up and sneak to the kitchen to get him some illict sweeties. Then we sneak back to bed together and have a cuddle. I say nothing come breakfast time when my DH makes a big fuss over the cat and presents him with his morning sweeties. While the cat acts like he's been deprived of his sweets for months.

Confession to my Biology teacher, who carefully set up the experiment to demonstrate positive phototropism, little seedlings in a box with a hole only on one side, so that they would grow towards the light.
I had a good excuse to be in the lab every lunchtime (caring for the guinea pigs) but it was too tempting not to turn the petri dish a little every day, so that the seedlings grew straight up.
I guess karma caught up with me in the form of naughty pupils during my subsequent teaching career. But anyway - sorry Miss.

It was me who accidentally set the sauna coals alight (with a Karvol inhalation capsule)....causing the whole pool, gym and entire leisure complex to be evacuated.

Nice firemen in attendance though....

Before we all had digital cameras, a nice couple asked me to take their pic in front of the Statue of Liberty, l couldn't quite get her head in it but didn't tell them although not sure why!!. Still feel guilty l ruined their holiday snaps.

Oh just seen someone else did this in Rome oldperson1 phew not just me!!

I picked the lock on my sister's dairy when I was ten and after reading it told all my friends her secrets

also when i was ten I wrote a fake letter and put it on my parents dressing table. I knew my nosey Aunt was coming for tea and when she went upstairs for the loo I zoomed into my parents room and hid under the bed. Sure enough nosey Aunt went into their room and opened the letter
It said " you shouldn't be reading this you nosey bat"...reader she never said a word
I was a right devious sod

It was me who managed to empty the bottle of brandy you were keeping for the Christmas pudding.

It was years and years ago, I was only a child at the time! But I'd heard that putting some drops of brandy in your cuppa was "good for you" so I kept doing it over several weeks. Then the bottle seemed to be gone.....

Dear DH, isn’t it incredible how all the cleaning stuff and snacks from Waitrose are so long-lasting? Not like the rubbish from Lidl that seems to vanish the next day. And that bottled water that you insist on for your tea is practically loaves and dish territory, no?

is the type of community where the wheelbarrow theft of '94 is still a hot topic of conversation.

Dear ex-'friend' from uni - I knew exactly who DH was when we met and I don't regret trying to get off with him at the party. Maybe you shouldn't have been so fucking nasty to me. And I wasn't drunk either. In my defence he was never going to get with you

Dear ex-neighbour: it was me who reported you for not taxing your car. It wouldn't have bothered me if you hadn't insisted on driving like a twat around the estate or constantly parking like an absolute bellend

Dear ex-house mate: I know it was you who was nicking my juice out of the fridge - even though you denied it and were 'outraged' on my behalf that someone would do that. I hope you enjoyed that 'special' glass that Saturday morning. I really wish I'd pee'd in the carton sooner

I was worried about my DHs drinking. He would drink a 1/4 bottle of whiskey every night. He bought the actual small bottle daily to prevent him downing a whole bottle. I would open the bottle and tip a quarter of it away and refill it with water.

He complained to the shop eventually as the whiskey was a bit odd, but I was doing it for months.

He realised the drink was too much so cut it down in the end 🤣🤣🤣

Stretch Armstrong didnt burst - I read that it could and the gel inside damages the floor so I got rid of it. No DC noticed for at least 15 months (but now try to make me buy a new one)

@InvincibleInvisibility

Stretch Armstrong didnt burst - I read that it could and the gel inside damages the floor so I got rid of it. No DC noticed for at least 15 months (but now try to make me buy a new one)

You did right to, ours had a small hole that leaked gooey stuff everywhere. Luckily in a plastic box so it didn't damage any furniture or carpets. I promised DS I would replace it I didn't