Petty confessions

[CuntyMcBollocks]

Does anybody have any crap or petty confessions that they want to get off their chest? No judgements, and the more petty the better. I'll start...

I cleaned my trainers with my brothers toothbrush when we were kids as he used to try and get my in trouble. Our mum always believed his lies so I got my petty revenge by scrubbing the dirt from underneath my trainers with his tooth brush.

I actually found out that DP was lying about who he’d gone to dinner with by snooping on his messages rather than the Instagram post I told him I saw

It’s his own fault, it was a bloody stupid lie and I couldn’t care less about him being with the people he was actually with, he just couldn’t be bothered to tell me the whole story

Someone looking particularly stressed out and in a massive hurry asked me for directions once. The tube station they were looking for was really close but i got my bearings wrong and sent them in the wrong direction. I realized in a few seconds but they had already run off! Genuine accident.

To this day I still wonder about the stress I must have added to their day :(

You are a bad person @VictoriaBun but I'm very impressed by you all the same

@user1465335180
I know ! 😂😂

Some of these actions seem perfectly reasonable, why confess sensible behaviour?

I used to eat all of the caramel Roses and wrap the orange cremes in the caramel wrappers VictoriaBun

Last week I was having such a hard time wrangling the baby into a trolley after cleaning it and keeping hands clean before touching baby etc that I left the keys in your fancy car and went and did a food shop for a good hour, with the fancy car unlocked and ready to be driven off in the car park. We wouldn't even have been covered on the insurance if someone had taken it.

I was once asked the way to Wightwick Manor, when I was about 500 metres from Wightwick Manor.

I sent them to Bradshaws.

Like @Irked123, it was a genuine mistake (I'm like, WTF was I thinking!), but I still feel bad about it.

My very annoying MIL kept showing off about her Italian imported wallpaper, so I used to lick it every time I went to the toilet.

I stole sole coins from a roommate do to Laundry once - it was a summer internship abroad, first time living without my parents, never realized you need coins for laundry... I might have stolen some detergent as well I guess. Still feel guilty 15y later

My ex left some clothes at my house. When we split up I put them into a charity collection and then denied all knowledge of them.

I don't feel any guilt.

Not mine, but my absolute favourite from a past thread like this.
The DW and DH were splitting up, or he'd cheated on her, or been an asshole, or something. DH had a bottle of shampoo he didn't really like in the shower, but was too stingy to just chuck it out so was just using it up. The DW had a secret supply of the crap shampoo and was topping up the half-used bottle so it never ran out

DP, I wasn't asleep when I let out some serious stench the other night. I just couldn't be bothered to hold it in (blame pregnancy). Sorry you felt guilty for "waking me up" because of it.

a lot of the food we get is past its sell by date ie reduced, Dh thinks this is really dangerous and we'll all get salmonella. So I throw the wrappers in the bin and he never knows

Dear exh. That night I made you sausages and mash when we first dated, 1 sausage fell out of the pan into the cat liter tray.
I put it back in the pan.
Glad I did coz you are a twunt..

I had a housemate who was always leaving several pairs of her trainers lying around in the hallway; she'd just kick them off as soon as she arrived home. Once when nipping out to the shops, I wore a pair of hers, without socks. They were a bit too big for me; I felt like a child playing with her mum's shoes.

When I was about 18 we used to repeatedly get wrong numbers from people trying to get hold of some company or other. One day a young woman rang and started in with some long enquiry about whether there were any summer jobs. I played along and told her to come in tomorrow at 2:30 and ask for some made up person for an interview.

Sorry young woman.

@Feralkidsatthecampsite

Dear exh. That night I made you sausages and mash when we first dated, 1 sausage fell out of the pan into the cat liter tray. I put it back in the pan. Glad I did coz you are a twunt..

That is fucking rank. Unless he shagged your mother he wasn't that much of a twat.

Dear Dp. I was fully aware that one of the cats had regurgitated a hair ball and most of a pigeon on your shoes the other morning, which explains how the cat managed to be sick on shoes that were behind a closed door when you found them, something you didn't notice at the time. But decided to pretend I hadn't seen them and shut away the smell so I had time to have breakfast.

Dear mother, that very expensive new item that caused you unexpected embarrassment and was apparently inexplicable. To blame me you would have been forced to credit me with a level of intelligence, determination and attention to detail that far surpassed your mediocre abilities and what you frequently told me I was. I took a slight gamble on whether your ego or your lifelong determination to blame me for everything would win, but it paid off. You'll know exactly why you deserved it and why I chose that particular revenge. And also know I remembered it with glee every time you were being vile and abusive.

Dear trespassers, I know the Shetland harasses people but won't do any harm unless in self defence, that's why it's in that particular field. I also find the spectacle of entitled twats rapidly realising their mistake appeals to both my sense of justice and humour.

very expensive new item that caused you unexpected embarrassment and was apparently inexplicable

It is NOT FAIR to post this sans details...

Snark agreed...
Come on @TrainspottingWelsh. Beans: spill.

There was a girl I used to live with that was really messy and disrespectful of our shared house, I wiped her hairbrush in some mould once (student house, typically derelict & mouldy) but she used to fill the yard with bin bags of rubbish over the summer and put cigarettes out on the plates! And she never washed up! I'm glad I did it, I'd do it again.

I can't say @Snarkastic, not because I think hordes of people actively remember or that it made the press or anything, but there were quite a lot of witnesses at the time, most of whom knew me, some still do, and if any come across this they'll identify me immediately. Especially as it was/ is the type of community where the wheelbarrow theft of '94 is still a hot topic of conversation.

It wasn't this at all but think along the lines of someone very respectable with a certain reputation to uphold attending a prestigious event in their social circle. But not realising they were crawling with fleas until everyone else was equally aware what the source of the infestation was.

My friend removed the fuse from as many pugs as she could get open when she left her ex. Its not something you’d really check so he must have wondered why half his electrical items had broken. Oh well he can afford new stuff as he kept reminding her!

The rude housemate’s shoe didn’t randomly disappear, I took it to the back door and threw it in a neighbours garden in the middle of the night.