How do you know if you’re an alcoholic

[Tea111]

Nc just to post this. Please no p**s takers I just want genuine advice and might sound like a stupid question But: how do I know if a) I’m an alcoholic and have issues with drinking or b) I’m just stressed and drink too much?

Take just today for an example: ndn were pissing me off as usual and instead of waiting for weekend like I promised myself I poured a drink (vodka and lemonade) just to get through the evening. I put on headphones to block them and just had a drink. I got super relaxed and didn’t feel drunk at all so poured another. The evening in some parts is a blur. DH and I took kids out for dinner and I remember parts of it. Didn’t drink when out just had lemonade. Came home we fought and he said “you’re a drunk, everyone could see in Restarant you were drunk”. He stormed off and left me to deal with kids which I did manage as usual and got them to bed. I’ve woken up now very embarrassed and determined to just spill rest of bottle in sink. I just don’t have anyone to talk to. I think I may have overreacted at neighbours which is definitely a good thing if I did as my usual non-drunk personality is doormat who just takes s**t and smiles and is friendly.

I did that quiz honestly , 18/40

I used to work in alcohol treatment and recovery services. Firstly we wouldn't use the term alcoholic, son service users would though about themselves. The reason we didn't use the word is alcohol problems and alcohol use effecting your life is a broad spectrum. Also it makes people feel they have to be physically dependent for their drinking to be a problem. Where as it can effect your life and health without a depedancy. We had people in the service who were at various amounts of alcohol use. There isn't a specific say 10 units a day rule. As you will know alcohol effects us all differently and we build up resistance over time. So if I had 3 pints a day it would be a huge amount but not much for others. Although obviously the gov guidelines are an indicator of healthy alcohol intake.

The alcohol audit is a tool used across the NHS and alcohol services to assess alcohol use. I'd suggest doing this and taking the results to the GP. They should be familiar with the audit.

Google alcohol audit c to find the test. Or use the link pp posted above.

This isn't the best place to get advice about alcohol... 2-3 large glasses of wine a night your an alcoholic in mumsnetland..

FFS! The Op is using alcohol as a crutch and has been lying about her intake for some time, a label doesn’t change the fact that her relationship with alcohol isn’t a healthy one. The OP’s alcohol intake exacerbates her anxiety, which fuels her desire for alcohol and so the vicious cycle continues.

The excuses are your permission to drink.

I find vodka is the slippiest slope to be on imo.I went through a stage in my mid to late 20s where I found myself having to have a bottle of vodka and tonic in the fridge at all times.I had a triple with dinner then a few after to feel "settled" If I hadn't had a talking to by exH threatening to tell my parents then it could have been a lot worse.Im not sure if you are an alchoholic but you are clearly needing it for some reason.

I think it needs to be addressed as a potential problem, just based on you not realising your limit and it affecting your evening out at dinner. While I don’t think you’re an alcoholic, it can develop if you allow it. I’m speaking as someone who also has a drink or two when stressed, but I don’t let myself get drunk as I’m a single parent and I know I can’t get myself in a state with children in the house and I come from a family of alcoholics so it does concern me. The fact you posted here is a good sign you aren’t hiding it away you’re facing it so well done. Speak to your gp to be assessed for depression as the majority of people who drink have a mental health issue they’re struggling to deal with - myself included. I have awful neighbours too so I sympathise.

Can you stay away from drink? If you start drinking can you stop, e.g one or two then nothing else? That is having control. If you have to drink and when you start you drink until you are really drunk/black out then you have problems. I grew up with a functioning alcoholic father. He couldn’t not drink and did it around his shifts. Day shift, in the pub or drinking at home after dinner. Back/late, drinking at home after he got home at 1am, nightshift, drinking in the afternoon then sleep it off. If he ran out of his own booze he’d start on anything else on the house. My nice bottle of champagne I was given on my 18th(I’ll buy you another one-not really the point) my brothers beers (I’ll buy you more-again he was looking forward to them). I was going out with a friend once and he asked us to go and get him beer (she had a car) first and kicked off when we said we were running late and couldn’t. Who acts like that. He couldn’t go one day without a drink, can you?

Hi all thank you again for your support. I have rang up AA and they are running online meeting. You all took time out of your lives to respond to me but I haven’t answered all questions so here goes. I’m sorry I know I’ve definitely missed sone questions by mistake.

Yes I can go without a drink , longest I think is a week. Problem is once I start I cannot stop.

Yes blackouts is a common thing I get but this was always normalised growing up.

I don’t really measure the vodka I just pour so I think it’s a double shot? So must have had about 5/6 shots yesterday. Problem is I CANNOT stop at one or 2 drinks.

I think I’m deeply unhappy in my life. My kids, especially my youngest are my only happiness in life. DH is very cold and distant. He doesn’t care and today I woke up with shame about yesterday and he came upstairs (we sleep separately) like nothing happened yesterday. Tried to talk but he doesn’t have time as he’s on calls all day, tried to discuss neighbours again and his attitude is he doesn’t care and I should do what I think is right. I just feel in any situation he never had my back and I’m sorry to those who are repeating what my councellor said but I do not feel this is a good or healthy marriage. Surely your partner should want to care about things that bother you.

I just feel anyone could literally walk up to me and slap me in my face And DH would just carry on as nothing happened. It’s not a big ask to feel something from your husband. I know that’s his personality. I also have a lot of resentment about an abortion I had many years ago In the early days of our marriage. I don’t want to go into details on this thread but might start a new one when feeling stronger. I keep imagining if it would have been a boy or girl and what he/she would have looked like. What he/she would have been doing today. I feel sad I took away its life and I feel guilty my kids missed out on an older brother or sister.

@Flutterpieandpinkieshy

OP.

This isn't the best place to get advice about alcohol... 2-3 large glasses of wine a night your an alcoholic in mumsnetland..

What irresponsible bollocks.

And yes actually, I’d class someone who was drinking that every night as having a drink problem.

I'm glad you are getting help OP.

I think once it affects your life in any negative way it's definitely a problem. From your posts it is affecting yours and you recognise you are using it as a crutch.

I'm an alcoholic. I have severe anxiety and PTSD along with general life stresses that everyone else has. I've always needed a 'crutch' to calm me and blur things. I used to smoke cannabis at nights, barely drank at all only occasionally and I feel that was healthier than my drinking. When I got a job which requires checks I stopped cannabis and gradually took up drinking.

Alcoholism is awful. Please try to get help now before it spirals.

I knew it was a problem when my sister invited me to her house to stay the night. They have really young DC and don't keep alcohol in the house. I was suddenly horrified thinking how can I justify bringing wine on a school night when they don't drink, do I just cancel.. it was like a panic feeling.

I've been at the stage of drinking first thing in the morning then slowly all day. At my worst around 2.5 bottles a day.

I had withdrawals if the alcohol left my system. Shakes, sweats, nausea, insomnia, restlessness. You feel ill. You wake up every morning dehydrated and feeling sick and like stomach been shredded.

I have 'control' over it now, although really I don't. I cut down because I felt such guilt at not being present for my DC and worried they noticed me being slurry or whatever. Also was feeling sick and tired so often. I have 'limits' now - 5 nights a week. 1 bottle. After 6pm only, but try to wait til 8/9. I stick to my 'limits' but whilst I do enjoy my daytimes I've always still got an eye on the clock counting down so I am 'controlling' it, but it's still controlling me too. I'm not ready mentally to have no 'crutch' or escapism so that's why I don't quit completely.

From your posts, you are definitely relying on it due to your mental health. It would be helpful if you can get more support for that, and take steps to reduce stress, along with support to preferably quit (GP or AA or local services). It's not a rabbit hole you want to go further down. You are worthwhile, even if your H doesn't see it. Good Luck.

And yes, medication for anxiety and to help you cope. Antidepressants and also you could if suitable get something like propanolol, which might have helped with your anxiety yesterday with the neighbour situation.

@Flutterpieandpinkieshy

OP.

This isn't the best place to get advice about alcohol... 2-3 large glasses of wine a night your an alcoholic in mumsnetland..

3 large glasses of wine is a bottle of wine. Drinking a bottle of wine every night isn't just a problem in mumsnetland...

2-3 large glasses of wine a night your an alcoholic in mumsnetland..

That’s between a two thirds of a bottle and a bottle.

I’m really pleased You’ve got some help OP - a couple of things have really stuck out for me. You said that blackouts were “normalised” growing up - alcoholic parents? You also sound as though you were severely traumatised by the abortion you had.

I think you probably need some talking therapy to help with both of those things - alcoholism is so often “just” a symptom of undealt with pain.

I think you sound incredibly self reflective - this will help you get through to the other side.

How did you get so hammered from two vodkas? I don't understand
How much did you actually drink? Do you take medication which makes you more intoxicated? You poor thing feeling so anxious 😞

Reading your posts, you do sound unhappy in your marriage, I'd make some plans. Firstly, as you already are, I'd get the alcohol problem tackled (had to do this myself). I found after I stopped drinking that I tried to care for myself more and addressed my anxiety (as other have mentioned, the 'beer fear', I saw some improvements just with stopping drinking).
Then it may help to think long-term about your relationship, if you're unhappy then making plans to leave may help you to feel more in control. Wishing you lots of luck with it, I know that feeling of shame and guilt the morning after, it's horrible, but you're already making changes which is great!

@Flutterpieandpinkieshy

OP.

This isn't the best place to get advice about alcohol... 2-3 large glasses of wine a night your an alcoholic in mumsnetland..

Through work I met a woman who was dying of liver failure. An intelligent lovely woman of around 40 who drank 1-1.5 bottles of wine a night for a year after a marriage breakdown. Three large glasses a night is enough to kill you. And it is most certainly at a problem drinking level. Addiction is about whether it is causing harm to you and those around you and even knowing that you still persist. In OPs case it certainly is. It doesn’t really matter WHY. Her husband might be a dick. She might have had a bad day. But that is all excuses The main thing is accepting it and making the change now before it destroys her and her children’s lives

I don’t really measure the vodka I just pour so I think it’s a double shot? So must have had about 5/6 shots yesterday. Problem is I CANNOT stop at one or 2 drinks.

You sound very much like a dear friend of mine. If we go out and she's driving I try to get her to stay on diet coke. If I drink in front of her, she cannot cope with this and orders 'just one'. She'll then go on drinking long after I've finished my couple of glasses and end up having to ring her daughter to pick her up, or get an expensive taxi.

I'm pretty sure she's an alcoholic, although she can give up for about 5 days at a time.

I think the red flag is the inability to say no to a second (and subsequent) drink.

It does sound as though drink is causing you a problem OP
One of the previous posters was actually quite correct it's not the amount you drink that makes you an alcoholic its what it does to you mentally physically and spiritually
My Dh drinks most days and can be a bottle of wine He most definitely is not an alcoholic How do I know ? I have been sober now for over 14 years thanks to AA best choice I ever made

Op one thing that strikes me about your posts is it is everyone’s fault apart from yours. It’s your husbands for letting you go out, it’s his for not making you put shoes on, it’s your neighbours for annoying you, it’s his because you’re unhappy, at no point do you say it’s on you, it’s your choice and you own it.

Right now you have a significant problem with alcohol. None of us can diagnose if you’re an alcoholic, but you do have an issue. The first step is owning that it is a choice you make and that you and only you are responsible for drinking it.

Here are the stages of alcoholism. It follows a pretty standard progression, and it sounds like you're now in stage 2. Please do talk to your gp as well as AA, help is out there and you and your DC deserve it.

www.alcohol.org/alcoholism-types/stages/

I hope you're feeling a bit better today, OP. How's the anxiety? Self medicating with alcohol is a bit of a vicious circle where anxiety is concerned. It gives brief respite for a couple of hours but makes it worse overall. I sounds like you have an unhealthy relationship with the booze but aren't technically alcoholic. I think the pps suggestions are all pretty good. Setting goals and finding support is good. I also think that you have a DP problem and that's worsening your anxiety. You are right about taking responsibility for your own actions/choices but I do think a DP who actively makes good choices harder for you needs a shake up too.

You're admitting you have a problem (biggest and hardest step). You're getting help for that problem. Second step. Good job

@Stuckforthefourthtime thank you for this it’s very useful to read.

@TheChiefJo thank you for asking, I’m okay since this early morning. I’m feeling intensely guilty about the way I spoke to neighbours via text. I just need to keep reminding myself I have put up with this behaviour for well over 6 years. I created a thread under different username to get unbiased opinions on neighbour issues and I’m shocked that almost all responses are positive in my favour! I really wasn’t expecting that on mumsnet! I know it doesn’t excuse having a go at them whilst drunk but I needed to get out of my system. Thank you so much for your support this morning too. I know what needs to happen: I need to quit drinking completely and work on my self esteem and boundary issues. I’ve thrown away rest of vodka. Once I feel more in control of my life and emotions then I can let everyday annoyance not overwhelm me. I hate conflict and confrontation but once I drink I get confident to stick up for myself.

Thank you all. Best wishes.

Just wanted to say I think to say that if you don’t get withdrawals after 3 days is very wrong . Alcoholics look for anything that will convince them they are not alcoholic so they can carry on . I’m my opinion a very dangerous statement to make ! Almost made me re consider my position in drinking ! Could have put me back . I am 310 days AF
. I fought a lot at beginning was I wasn’t I . In my opinion if u think like this you probably are . And things only get worse rather than Better . AA helped me . I believe it’s not for everyone but I would encourage you to at least try it u have nothing to loose snd everything to gain . Honestly if anyone told me 20 months ago I wld still b off drink I wld never av believed it . Give it a try , it’s the best gift you can give yourself and kids x

OP alcohol is an addictive drug. Drink enough of it you will become addicted. Mentally and physically. It is also a depressant and increases anxiety, not to mention a known carcinogen. You need to stop drinking. Now. Forever. It will end up destroying you. There are many ways to go about this lots of books and fb pages, your GP, local alcohol services, AA. Good luck.

ZOMBIE THREAD,!!!