I think what you call yourself ("alcoholic" or "heavy drinker" or whatever) isn't the important thing here. Relying on a technical definition of "alcoholic" (which I'm not personally convinced by in any case) to make yourself feel it's not so bad is a bad idea and it's a very easy thing to do - there's often a little voice telling you it's not such a problem and you can drink normally if you try harder. Sometimes, some of us can't.
You sound like you'd benefit from stopping drinking - it's causing you trouble, why not try stopping for 30 days, then 60 days, 90 days, and so on and seeing whether that improves things? You can do that without being "a real alcoholic", alcohol isn't actually essential for anyone. There are online support groups and websites you can look at to try and help, or books if that's more your thing (I really liked 'the unexpected joy of being sober' by Catherine Grey). I tried stopping for 100 days as a nice round number, 2 years ago, and never went back.
And your husband is a separate issue, though clearly he's part of the problem. But you can't deal with everything at once. Stop drinking first, then after you've done that and it's been a few months of not drinking, think about what else needs to change in the longer term.
If you've been drinking every day for a long time, you probably should talk to your GP before you completely stop, though. Alcohol withdrawals can be dangerous, and you don't want to add more complications. You don't have to say you think you're maybe an alcoholic, just that you've been drinking too much for too long and want to stop for a bit and do it safely. They will have seen much worse, I'm sure!