AIBU that saying no to alcohol is really hard

[Doggodogington]

We (myself and DP) drink most nights, I wake up thinking that I won’t drink tonight but I do end up drinking. It’s so hard to say no, yet even as I’m drinking I’m wishing I’m not. I find it so hard not to have a glass of wine or two. Please tell me how you cut down/gave up or only now drink socially. Am I at the stage where I join al anon? Has anyone joined al anon and is able to control their drinking eg only socially or once a month?

Also what to do if your partner is the same? Have they given up/cut down if you have?
How do I change my habits?

Ditch wine for gin or vodka and tonic. Gradually up the tonic and lower the spirit. Buy really nice Fever Tree or Fentimans flavoured tonics or ginger beers, stuff that you don't have during the day. I do this too, it's my 'deserved treat' after I've got the kids to bed, tidied the house etc so 8ve had o swap wine to the above to keep the units under control. It's not even the 'drunk' feeling I want, it's the 'this is My time' signifier, hence it needing to be something different than usual tea, coffee, pop, squash etc.

You are not alone. I am very much in the same position and today is my 18th day of not drinking after many years of regular heavy drinking. There are sober threads on here you can join that will help you get started. I took the plunge after reading a book by Craig Beck called Alcohol Lied to Me which I really recommend. I have been reading quit lit as it is called obsessively over the past couple of weeks and it has really helped make sense of it all and given me a lot of coping strategies. This Naked Mind by Annie Grace is another great read. What they would say though is that moderation is much much more difficult than stopping altogether and I think that is probably true. I have set 100 days as my first goal though as that doesn't seem so daunting. I totally empathise with the misery you are feeling right now but there are lots of us in a similar position - we can do it!

Having an auto immune disease which is adversely affected by alcohol helps!

I always offer to drive if we go out, and thus will only have soft drinks. I have boxes of alcohol that I still haven't unpacked from moving in October; I have learned to love tea and will have that in preference to to wine. I also like elderflower and fizzy water.

I no longer like the effect alcohol has on me; 1 glass and I'm a bit woozy, so it's easier not to drink , and just appreciate it on the rare occasions that I do.

Take up running/working out hard first thing in the morning. You won't need to tell yourself not to drink because after a few workouts on a hangover you'll never want to do it again.

Ps Al-Anon is for families of alcoholics. AA is for alcoholics. I believe there are supportive threads/topics on here if you want to stop or cut down on booze. Doing it together will be Much easier.

Not drinking is not difficult. I have a gin and tonic a couple of times a week but most nights I don’t drink at all and don’t find it hard.

If it’s hard for you not to drink I think maybe you have a problem.

Sorry that sounds judgemental, it’s not meant to be. But if you have a problem it’s maybe time to get some help.

Following because I'm exactly the same! And I'm sick of being like this.

I went on the 0.0 alcohol stuff. Means I can have a beer or sit with people drinking and not feel left out and it's so much easier to say no once you lose the habit.

I prefer not having alcohol that much now, the gym helps, makes it a hindrance to drink and then try to train the next day.

I think there are quite a few of us @Dollycarton81 . I was thinking of starting a thread in the alcohol support topic - maybe you and @doggodogington would like to join?

If on first waking your thoughts are about not drinking, then yes I would say that you have a problem.

@Failingbettereverytime thank you, I will definitely read the books you recommended. Good luck with your journey.

@Coldilox don’t worry, I realise that have a problem. I wish I could have one gin a couple of times a week but it’s more like 5 gins, 5 times a week.

I have a strange relationship with addictions, I was addicted to cocodamol for a while but only in a small dose. Over the counter strength. So I feel the addiction to alcohol but don’t drink until I am really really drunk, but it is every day.

@LEELULUMPKIN I thought you were going to say “if your thoughts are ABOUT drinking” and mine aren’t but yes, my thoughts are about not drinking. I’ve never thought about it that way and you are right, waking up thinking about not drinking is not normal at all.

Until a few weeks ago I can honestly say I was having a bottle of wine a night every night without exception.
I've shocked myself with how many calories it is.
It's not easy to cut down and it's certainly no fun.

I will join please Failing. I think tomorrow is the day I will make a conscious decision to say no. I think I have to change or nothing will change.

I think if you’re questioning this, if you genuinely struggle to say no, and if alcohol thoughts take up this much space in your head, you an an ‘issue’, for want of a better word.

I drink max. 3 times a year on occasions, absolutely no issue saying no even when everyone else is drinking.

Get the help and support you need. Well done

@Cherrybakewellll I know, it creeps up on you. I started to think the bottles were getting smaller as I swear my OH and I used to share a bottle a few years ago. Now we need one each.

Thanks 2155. This is something that I’ve been worrying about (but fobbing off) for a while now.

I would try AA.

You would be surprised - I think it is vastly different to most people's expectations.

I know a couple of people who have recovered through it, and a few tips shared from.them:

You don't have to be on a park bench to have a drink problem. The only requirement for attending AA is a desire to stop drinking.

Much as you can't picture it now, there is a solution. They describe AA as the best thing they ever did. It's a hard life being trapped in a prison of addiction, and it gets harder....

I think it can be very easy to fall into bad habits especially during lockdown. I drink out of boredom and unfortunately it has become an unhealthy habit. I've piled on weight and I don't feel good about myself. I no longer experience hangovers but I guess I'm a lot more motivated and energised when I haven't had a drink the night before. My dp also drinks and if he's doing it I find it tempting to join him.

I also start each day saying I won't drink and by evening the 'oh fuck it' mentality creeps in. I don't drink every single evening but I'm definitely giving it too much headspace. After that first initial buzz I don't even enjoy it that much.

@Doggodogington Well I think you’re doing brilliantly to try and seek some help. I wish you all the best and lots of support.

I think you need to accept that you have an addictive personality and that it’s either no drink at all you will probably continue as you are . I have an addictive personality and because I come from a family with a history of alcoholism ( GPs /GGPs) I have been teetotal since 18 . You know you have a drink problem so that’s a good starting point , some people never get as far as admitting it . Good luck OP .

Count the calories. It puts me off immensely. If you must drink something then find a non alcoholic alternative and put it in a posh wine glass.

I am an Alcoholic in Recovery,over 17years sober,I find it so much easier to not drink than drink.

If you are interested in trying AA there are thousands of meetings on Zoom at the moment.Have been staggered by how many people have come into the meetings and put the drink down.

You can just come in the meetings and listen,no need to even have the camera on.

I have made a thread in Alcohol support if anyone else would like to join me on my journey.
@Doggodogington @Dollycarton81 @Cherrybakewellll

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3987063-First-steps-in-sobriety-maybe-baby-steps-but-we-will-get-there?watched=1

Don't buy any then? If it's not in the house, you can't drink it. The point at which you need the willpower is in the evenings at home; it's much easier to leave a bottle on the shelf in the shop.