AIBU that saying no to alcohol is really hard

[Doggodogington]

We (myself and DP) drink most nights, I wake up thinking that I won’t drink tonight but I do end up drinking. It’s so hard to say no, yet even as I’m drinking I’m wishing I’m not. I find it so hard not to have a glass of wine or two. Please tell me how you cut down/gave up or only now drink socially. Am I at the stage where I join al anon? Has anyone joined al anon and is able to control their drinking eg only socially or once a month?

Also what to do if your partner is the same? Have they given up/cut down if you have?
How do I change my habits?

You sound like you are a closet alcoholic who needs to contact AA or someone.

Good luck OP. The first days and weeks are really hard, because you're having to learn new habits and find new things to do with your time. But it does get easier, the longer you don't drink. (The little voice telling you "you can have just one now you've done so well and stopped for so long, you must have reset yourself and be able to drink normally now!" gets easier to ignore with time - it's very rarely true, and very rarely works for anyone, I think.)

We’re conditioned to believe that quitting drinking is hard. Actually, it isn’t at all. In fact, giving up drinking is totally brilliant and a real liberation as opposed to a constant struggle. If you are genuinely curious, try Allan Carr’s The Easy Way for Women to Quit Drinking or Jason Vale’s Kick the Drink - Easily. Or just switch out your nightly wine for a Seedlip and FeverTree tonic (at Waitrose / Ocado you can even get pre-mixed cans) - just as indulgent a treat as wine / alcohol.

It's breaking the habit. I'm on day 2 and spent Monday and Tuesday busying myself in the evening with jobs and I feel great in the morning now. It gets easier day 3 (have done it before).
I also recommend Jason vale- kick the drink easily. And Claire pouley- the sober diaries.
Swap alcohol for a hot choc or tea and try and get an early night.
I don't plan on ditching alcohol for good. I just want a better relationship and only have one or two drinks on a Friday and Saturday

We have 10 units a week each, thats two bottles of wine per week for both of us. One glass each for 6 nights and one night off.
Easy to control and you get that little treat every evening, so don't feel deprived.

I also have a love hate relationship with alcohol
I didn’t drink for a while as was sick and then massively overindulged and was sick

Fucks sake ! I don’t know why I can’t socialise Without it

I do know actually . I have anxiety and alcohol makes it easier

So I’ve stopped socialising and now feel lonely

I bought some non alcohol G&T for that time of day when I normally drink

It’s hard and struggle also

I have been alcohol free for about 18 months. I was drinking regularly and really looking forward to sitting down with a glass of something in the evening. Then it crept forward to tea time. I was drinking regularly and would often have far too much.

I read somewhere "if you can't have one, have none". This resonated with me as I found the first drink always had me looking forward to a second.

I think by you questioning your drinking while you're drinking means you've already decided you need to stop. Aim for a week off. See how you feel.

People often ask me now if I should jusg have one, but I think I would never feel as good as I do now.

For the poster commenting about alcohol helping anxiety, I believed that too for a while. I certainly found it easier in social situations with a glass of wine to relax me. There are links between alcohol and anxiety and I think it might help you to read about these.

I still sometimes would love a cold glass of white wine or a fancy g&t when I'm out but definitely feel better with the choice I've made.

Let us know how you get on op!

I used to find it really hard to say no to alcohol, and tried to cut down and drink on fewer occasions, and drink less in one sitting. I couldn’t do it. I had to give it up altogether. I don’t miss it at all now.

I stopped drinking nearly 11 weeks ago. Best advice is to read some “quit-lit” books (I read Clare Pooley, Annie Gray and I can’t think of her name but the book is the Unexpected Joy of Being Sober), have some good alcohol free books in and use all the bloody willpower you have to get through the first few weeks. In my experience, once you’ve fought through the physical cravings, then you can clearly see that the cravings are mental, for example because you’re desperate to relax or drown out a crap day etc. But once you’ve done your reading you’ll see that alcohol makes everything soooo much worse and it gets easier to shut the voice out! Good luck, life without alcohol is (so far) so much better! Goodbye hangovers, wine belly and crippling anxiety 🖕🏼🖕🏼🖕🏼

Alcohol free DRINKS I meant to type. Teach me for not proof reading 🤦🏻‍♀️

I have a drink 4-5 nights a week. In winter most nights as i like a red iN front of the fire. But I’m also active. I run most days and walk. 10k done this morning.

I don’t get drunk though. I don’t like being drunk so a g&t or 2 doesn’t make me drunk.

My moto us moderation. I dont smoke nor do drugs - never have. So for me a drink is what i enjoy. Life is for living.

I hope this doesn't come across as smug, but for me saying no to alcohol is not at all difficult. The fact that it is for you means you are addicted to it.

As a recovering alcoholic I would use this as a warning. Try to cut back now before it takes over your life. I started with a few glasses of wine a night, then it would be every night. I would wake up every morning saying im not drinking today but by the time I finished work I would be in the shop buying wine. My addiction ruined my life so please don't let this be part of your future. AA can help you but only if you want to stop totally if you are an Alcoholic there is no way of controlling the drinking it will get to the point where it controls you.

I fell into the habit of a few glasses of wine most nights and way more than that on a weekend. Was shocked when I got on the scales a few weeks back for the first time in 6 months. Had put over 2 stone on. So now only have a drink on a weekend and only a few, not the huge amount I was knocking back.

I also got to the point I was worried that I wouldn't be able to not have a drink (I use it as an emotional crutch). I'm glad I have proved to myself I can go without.

After 3.5 weeks i think i have managed to break the habit of having a drink with dinner etc. Its not bothering me at all now. I do feel better for it and the weight (with help from a diet) is dropping off.

I may be wrong about this, but I think AA is geared towards going teetotal (which would be a good idea, TBH- pretty sure you can't half recover from addiction, it's kind of an all or nothing deal).

It is bloody hard. I've gone from drinking a lot - 5 strong bottles of red a week plus a few ciders - to 12 weeks dry and at times it has been horrible. I'm good now and I'd do it again in a heartbeat as I feel so much better for it.

I also had raised lived enzymes on a blood test which prompted it as it was bloody scary.

To be honest though, the best part is not having the emotional rollercoaster. No 'oh god I drank again' then the fight not to, then the mellowness followed by waking up with the guilt. None of that!

On the whole I don't even think about it now bar the odd day when I could murder a G&T!

I have found that having something else that's nice but non-alcoholic does the trick for me. So I have some cordials on hand, elderflower cordial, peach iced tea, pomegranate and raspberry etc. Much easier to not have that glass of wine if there's an alternative available.

I decided a couple of months ago that alcohol was doing me no favours - anxiety, hangovers etc. Felt rubbish in the morning and vowing not to drink but then a different story in the evening. Reading This Naked Mind by Annie Grace and then doing her 30 day online alcohol experiment (free) has completely blown me away. It's made me examine my relationship with alcohol objectively. I started with the aim of moderation but at the moment I don't really have any desire to drink again. I realise it might not be the right strategy for all but for me it's been nothing short of miraculous so far.

@vanhelgan I am on Day 18 of the Alcohol experiment and it is really helping me get my head straight about giving up alcohol. I totally recommend it to anyone who wants to start trying a sober life.

Would your DP be supportive or cut down/give up with you?

Many don't like the light being shone on their own alcohol consumption when one side of the partnership wants to stop.

I'm such an evangelist at the moment! It's great though isn't it? I can honestly say I didn't feel like I was white knuckling it at all and have learned so much about myself and why I drank. Really pleased it's helping you too Failingbettereverytime

Friend pre measures her gin into small bottles. So measure is there ready to use. She has full bottles of tonic and about half measure of gin. She said really helped her cut down as she can have a gin every night but it's a half measure (like 15ml) with lovely tonic and ice.

I feel like a weight has gone off my shoulders, feeling really positive today.
I have discussed it with my OH and he agrees that we both have a problem with alcohol and he wants to cut down (whereas I want to give up) but it will still make it easier with him not encouraging me to drink. We don’t drink the same things anyway as he drinks lager and I drink wine or spirits. I laid it out and said my relationship with alcohol is not healthy and I want to change. I think it did throw a spotlight on his own drinking but thank god he has been obviously been feeling the same way so he wasn’t defensive or dismissive of it.

Excellent update OP, well done for having what might have been a difficult conversation! I'm so glad it wasn't, in the end. It'll be much easier with your partner on board, even if he's still drinking a bit!